Mr Cullen
by SDazzled
Summary: ON HIATUS. Bella has a good life. But her world will be turned upside down when she gets a job working as a PA for a film star. Things aren't always what they seem.
1. Remember to Breathe

**Hi... um... what to say? I have no idea. So this is a little thing that's been on my mind and I decided to write it. **

**This is a B/E story. If you are looking for bucket loads of angst, please don't read on because you will be disappointed. I only do sprinkles of that stuff. This is meant to be a little funny thing with weirdness and dirtiness weaved throughout. **

**(Bella is 25, Edward 24, Emmett 27, Jasper 29.)**

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"Bella, have you seen where my dark blue jeans are?" Jacob was walking around with just a white t-shirt, blue boxers and matching socks on.

I looked up from reading. "No. have you checked the bottom drawer?"

"No. Do you usually put them there?" He was looking utterly confused.

I sighed and went back to reading. "Yes, that's where I've put your jeans since we moved here."

Jacob went back into the bedroom to check if I was right. His triumphed cry told me he had found his beloved blue jeans.

I loved Jake, I really did, but sometimes I did wonder why I was still with him. He was a great boyfriend: he was nice, sweet, kind ...and...umm...funny...and ...umm...pleasant. We had a good relationship, but something was missing. I knew he loved me like crazy and I definitely loved him, too, but the spark was gone.

Actually, the spark had only been there once: when we met in college at the annual foam party. I thought he was absolutely gorgeous; he was tall, had great eyes and was very charming. So when he asked me to dance, I didn't say no. But I should have warned him about my hazardous dancing skills. We spent ten minutes on the dance floor and the next three hours in the hospital. I somehow managed to slip on the foam and crack my head open on a pole while dancing. Jake had been kind enough to take me to hospital. And after that he didn't leave my side.

Last month we decided to move to LA. Jake had been offered a great job by a Hot Rod manufacturer and I had wanted to move to a sunny place, so LA was perfect. Plus, LA was a great place to expand my career. After I graduated from college I had become the PA to a high flying executive. Four years and three bosses later I had finally learnt my lesson: men with powerful jobs believe it's their God-given right to grab your ass whenever they want, so don't work for them. I had threatened to sue all three for sexual harassment, but who was I kidding? They had all been multi-millionaires with multiple lawyers at their disposal, ready to take me on for everything I was worth-- which wasn't much. I just had to settle for the very best recommendations a threat at a sexual harassment law suit could get me, and left.

I wasn't without a job for long. Even though I had horrible bosses, I was still great at my job. I loved doing what I did and I gave it everything. No matter what the time, place or request, I would get it done and I would get it done fast. I guess my reputation got around quickly. As soon as I got to LA I had four job offers. The first two were a no go; they had both been to work as a PA for business tycoons and there was no way I was going down that road again. The other had been to work for a supermodel. I refused-- I didn't want to get phones thrown at me. But the last I had accepted, it seemed intriguing. It was to work as a PA for an actor. The only thing I knew about him was: He had gone through six assistants in under two years, he had a bad temper, but he was simply brilliant; everything he touched turned to gold. This I heard through my interviewer, Mrs. Morris, who didn't disclose the actor's name due to privacy reasons. She had told me to think carefully about whether or not I wanted the position as all of his previous personal assistants had left crying and promising never to work in showbiz again. It was then that I knew it was the perfect job for me. I always loved a challenge.

I smiled at the memory of the interview and started to get up from bed. It was seven and I needed to get ready for my first day on the job. I went into the bathroom and started to get undressed to have a shower when I felt two strong arms circle my bare waist.

"Jake, I need to have a shower now otherwise I'll be late for work." I tried to wriggle away but he just pressed me closer to his body.

"Oh, come on, Bells. We haven't made love in weeks," He answered as he started kissing my neck.

I leaned forward trying to turn on the shower while still trapped by his arms.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry, Jake. But things have been a little hectic lately." I turned around to look at him, "Jake, I really need to have a shower." I didn't want to upset him but I didn't have the time for this today.

Jake removed his arms from my waist. "Fine. Have a good day at work." As Jake left he slammed the bathroom door and then I heard him slam the front door, too.

I shook my head, trying to clear all the guilt I felt, and got in the shower.

It wasn't as if I didn't find Jake attractive, I did. But our sex life wasn't the best. Making love with Jake was like watching TV: sure, it was entertaining, but you could always be doing something more worthwhile. We just didn't click in that way, so I only made love with him when I _really_ had to. And I sometimes got this feeling that it was just sex, there was nothing intimate about it-- when we did make love it was purely physical, there was no passion behind it. But I would never leave him because of it; relationships were about more than just sex, and I knew I had a wonderful boyfriend who loved me. I wasn't about to ruin that for a few minutes of pleasure...

I got out of the shower and went to choose an outfit. I rummaged through my closet and finally decided on a grey pencil skirt and a sophisticated emerald blouse with sheer cap sleeves. I accessorized with black high heels and a simple silver bracelet. It was an understated look. It said: 'I put some effort but I'm not in love with myself'. It was perfect. It showed just the right amount of skin and made me look incredibly professional. I pulled my hair into a clean ponytail, put on some lip balm, picked up my purse and ran out the door. I was running three minutes late already.

I was surprised to see a car waiting for me outside my apartment, ready to take me to my new job. At least it meant I didn't have to try to work out where I was going, I would surely get lost; my sense of direction had never been that great. It took about an hour to arrive at the studio, when I got there I was escorted in by a nice gentleman and told to wait inside the dressing room. I tried to look at the door for a clue to decipher the actor's identity, but the door only had the film character's name.

The dressing room was spacious, it had a brown leather sofa, a few watercolours on the walls and whoever it belonged to loved music; there were CDs everywhere.

I was waiting for about five minutes when a gorgeous blond man came in. He was about my age, perhaps a bit older, and was dressed in a light blue shirt and navy suit trousers. He looked around and then smiled when he spotted me in corner. He closed the door and extended his hand for me to shake.

"Good morning, you must be Ms. Isabella Swan. I'm Jasper Whitlock. How do you do?" The man was beautiful, but I'd never heard of him before. Maybe he was a new up and coming actor?

I shook his hand. "Good morning. I'm great thank you, Mr. Whitlock. And please call me Bella."

He laughed and indicated for me to sit down. "Mr. Whitlock? That makes me sound extremely old. Please call me Jasper; I'm really not one for formalities."

I smiled and sat down on the brown leather sofa, he sat next to me.

"I'm so glad to have you on board, Bella. Sometimes he can be a bit difficult, you know. So it's good to have someone with experience to work with and you're credentials were really quite impressive. But don't worry about his temper: his bark is usually worse than his bite, and many of the stories you've probably heard are false. Well, at least the majority." He explained with a teasing smile.

I was confused, "I'm sorry, Mr. Whitlock... I mean Jasper. Am I not meant to be working for you?"

I really was getting tired of the mystery. Why couldn't someone tell me the actor's name and get it over with?

Jasper frowned. "No. I'm just the manager. Don't you know who you will be working for?"

I shook my head. "I'm afraid Mrs. Morris didn't tell me exactly who the client was, she said it was due to privacy issues."

I expected for Jasper to tell me who this mystery man was, not burst out laughing.

"Oh, I do love Mrs. Morris; she has a great sense of humour. I can't wait to see your face when you find out who it is. Would you mind if I filmed it and then posted it on YouTube?" He started to laugh once again.

I rolled my eyes. I already liked Jasper, he seemed very friendly and he was undeniably charismatic. I definitely wouldn't mind working with him in the future.

He went on to describe the different aspects of my job and what was expected of me. It was nothing out of the ordinary. I was basically a babysitter-- make sure he gets up on time, gets to where he has to be, is seen with the right people, and doesn't stay out too late. I would have access to every part of this man's life and I had to keep it running like clockwork. I knew I could do it.

Jasper was telling me a bit about my employer's habits when I heard two voices coming from outside. As they got closer I could hear that one was getting angrier and angrier, the other voice, however, had a teasing tone to it.

Then whoever it was from outside opened the door with such force that it slammed against the wall. I was having a lot of door slammers today.

"I don't care! You either sort it out or you're fired."

The person who spoke entered the room and went to where all the CDs were, not even looking at me.

_Oh .My. God._

_Breathe, remember to breathe._

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**Not the best cliffie ever, I think we can all guess who it is.**

**Yes, Jacob is in the story... but ya know, I can't stand him.  
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**Chapters get longer and better. I hope.**

**Anyways, thanks for reading and if anyone has any questions or comments about this fic just PM me, I answer it all.**

**Reviews are love :D  
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	2. Hard to Believe

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter or anyone who took the time to read.  
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**BPOV  
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_Wow._ I hadn't expected Edward Cullen to walk through the door, any other person, maybe even the Queen of England, but definitely not him.

Edward Cullen was Hollywood's darling and had been for the last five years or so. Every movie he made became an instant success. Not only were his films extremely profitable but they were also loved by the critics. He had been nominated for two Oscars and had won three Golden Globes, amongst many other awards. He was becoming a living legend. He was considered a genius, exceptional in every role and on top of all that he was absolutely beautiful. God had been in a very good mood when he created Edward Cullen.

"Fire me? Are you crazy? I would whoop your ass if you even tried."

I was trying to concentrate on not drooling, but it was hard. He was just so stunning; the hair, the green eyes, oh my God, the lips. Everything was too irresistible.

_Get a hold of yourself woman, he's your boss! Try to act like you have a brain._

Next to me Jasper stood up and started laughing. I was instantly on my feet.

"What's up, Em? Is he being a Diva again?"

"Oh, you know how it is; he misses a nap and goes all pissy."

Edward Cullen just snorted and kept sorting through the CDs, still not paying attention to who was in the room.

I shook my head as I tried to focus on being professional. It was when I gained a little bit more control over my wandering mind that I noticed the man stading next to Jasper. The man was extremely tall, very muscular and had short black hair. He was dressed in plain jeans and t-shirt with 'Kiss the Bodyguard' written on the front.

Jasper nodded. "I sometimes wonder if his brain stopped maturing when he reached seventeen." He then threw me a questioning glance. "Still interested in the job? You won't really be an assistant more like a nanny."

"Yes, I think I will take the job, but I refuse to spoon feed him." I gave him a cheeky smile.

I was still trying to calm down from the shock of being in the same room as Edward Cullen, still trying not to hyperventilate. But it was getting easier to calm myself down, maybe it was because Edward Cullen still had his back to me.

"Oh, hello there. Aren't you a cute little button? I'm guessing you're the new assistant." The tall man stepped forward and offered me his hand. Maybe he wasn't as intimidating as his stature led me to believe.

"I'm sorry, how rude of me not to introduce you. Bella this is Emmett McCarty, he is the head of security. Em, this is Isabella Swan, Ed's new PA." Jasper gestured with his hand as he introduced us.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. McCarty," I shook his hand and smiled warmly.

Emmett grinned. "Mr. McCarty? Nah... Call me Emmett or Em."

A new voice joined the conversation.

"No, call him stupid or idiot." Mr. Cullen had moved closer to our group leaving the CDs behind.

_Oh those eyes are so beautiful, so hypnotic._ The man was stunning in everyway and he didn't even seem to make an effort-- he was just in a blue shirt and jeans. How can someone look like sex on legs and not even try? Even though he was so good looking that it actually hurt to look at him, there was something sad about him. I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was definetely something.

"Edward this is Bella, she will be your new assistant. Can you try to be nice to this one? I don't think I can find a replacement, your reputation has scared all of the good ones away." Jasper was using a serious tone, something I wouldn't have expected from him.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Cullen." I smiled and offered him my hand, trying to keep it steady.

He shook it. "My scripts are over there,"-- he pointed to the pile of papers on the table-- "only use a yellow highlighter when underlining my lines."

My eyes widened. His voice was velvet soft but undeniable harsh. I was taken back; I had thought all the rumours were false, or at least exaggerated. But no, the gorgeous Edward Cullen _really_ was a rude ass.

After the introductions had been made, Jasper and Emmett sat down on the sofa. I pulled a chair and started highlighting the scripts, with a _yellow _highlighter.

"What were you two arguing about earlier, anyway?" Jasper asked as he picked up a magazine from the floor.

Emmett began to chuckle and ignored a threatening look from Mr. Cullen who had taken a seat on the opposite side of the room. "He was throwing a temper tantrum about something _People_ magazine wrote. It said they got the information from an inside source, apparently it's my fault people talk."

"The thing about Alyssa Maymore?"

I've heard of her before. She was one of those celebrities who were famous for no apparent reason. Someone somewhere had decide partying was now considered a talent.

Emmett snorted. "Maymore? I think you mean Maywhore. Actually that's not right; she doesn't reverse her slutiness for just May. She's a slut all year around."

"That's true, she is like a village bicycle-- everyone has a ride." Both Emmett and Jasper began to laugh. From the pictures I had seen of her I think they were right-- the woman had no class. "But she gets a lot of publicity. Linking Golden boy over there with her was surely going to bring magazine covers, and I was right. _People_, _OK_, and _In Touch_ all covered it." Jasper just kept flicking through the pages.

"Wait a minute! Were you the one who told them I was dating her?" Mr. Cullen had gotten up with a sudden movement; his expression was frightening. I would remind myself never ever to get on his bad side.

"Well, not technically. Gray is the one who deals with the PR, as you know, but I gave him the idea. I need to keep you in the public eye, after all. Why do you think you're famous? It sure as hell isn't your acting abilities." Jasper shrugged and gave Emmett the magazine.

"Three Golden Globes tell me it is. I should fire you right here and now for what you did." Mr. Cullen was by now nearly shouting, clearly very annoyed.

Jasper and Emmett looked at each other and snickered. "Oh, Jazz. Mr. Three-Golden-Globes keeps threatening people today... do you think your rumour hit a nerve? Is there actually something going on between Maywhore and young Cullen?"

Jasper scratched his cheek. "Umm, I do believe you're right. They were getting rather cosy at the Vanity Fair party. Did you get some smooches Edward? Or is the problem that for once she didn't want any hanky panky?"

"Cosy? Oh, shut up. Both of you just shut up." Mr. Cullen stormed out of the room, leaving the other two laughing.

"Ooo, someone is in a mood. Just try not to get lost or attacked by a group of tweens Edward. I really can't be bothered to save you from hormonal girls right now." Emmett called out before stretching his legs and closing his eyes.

I was amazed at how Emmett and Jasper behaved with Mr. Cullen, they didn't show him an iota of respect and they definitely weren't afraid of him or his temper, actually it was just the opposite. They teased him relentlessly, especially when after a few minutes he came back into the room looking scared and muttering something about never being left in peace.

I hadn't expected this day to turn out like this. I had somehow ended up as a PA to a major A-lister with temper issues and who wasn't very nice to be around. Of couse, he was still amazing to look at, but I guess what people say about beauty being skin deep is right; he might be gorgeous but that was about it.

I turned my attention to highlighting all the scripts, keeping things nice and neat, and after I finished I was given various different tasks by Mr. Cullen, all in a very sharp and serious tone. _It wouldn't kill him to be nice._ But I didn't let it upset me; I was here to do a job, not to make friends. Even with that in mind it still got me down to think that I would now have to spend so much time with someone who clearly didn't like me.

Mr. Cullen left to start shooting and Emmett had accompanied him, just in case some more girls decided to throw themselves at him. I was getting my things together ready to leave when Jasper approached me.

"Bella, I know he can be difficult..." I hadn't realized I was showing any emotion, my poker face was usually exceptional. "but please don't quit. Both Emmett and I like you and he will come around, eventually. Edward just has a problem trusting people. He's had some problems and...well, let's just say he isn't the moron he wants you to believe he is, so please stick around." He gave me a reassuring pat on the back, smiled, and walked out of the room.

What did he mean by problems? I knew a bit about Cullen's life and I couldn't think of anyting that could be classified as 'problems'.

Soon after Jasper left there was a knock on the door and I went to answer it. A blond girl in uniform was looking down at me nervously.

"Excuse me, Ms. Swan, you are needed in the studio. Mr. Cullen isn't happy with the water provided and is demanding you do something about it."

I sighed. _Great, let the fun begin._

I really wanted to tell her to tell him to deal with it himself. I hadn't even been on the job for more than five hours and he was already getting on my nerves. But instead of being rude I just nodded and followed the girl to the studio.

_Wasn't a moron? I found that hard to believe._

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_**So what did you think? I hope you liked it. All reviews are welcomed even those containing criticism. Thanks for reading! **

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	3. To the Barbecue

**Thanks to anyone who reviewed or/and put this story on alert.  
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**I always forget to make a diclaimer.  
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**Disclaimer: Twilight not mine.  
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It was Sunday morning and I was still in bed. It felt so good just lying still, not having to wake up at the crack of dawn to go across the city to make sure a pig headed celebrity was up and ready for work. To not have to spend the best part of an hour trying to find ways to get him out of bed, not to have to deal with all his diva requests, not have to put up with constant criticism, and not having to hear any of his petty complaints. Sunday felt good because I didn't have to be anywhere near Edward Cullen.

The last month had been hellish. I had tried everything to make Mr. Cullen happy and nothing had worked. I was beginning to get the impression that even if everything was just super in his life and he had no concerns whatsoever, he would still be a miserable sod. It was just how he was, and nothing I could ever do would change that, so now I was stuck in a job I loved but with an employer I detested. But when Mr. Cullen was taken out of the picture things were actually pretty good. When he was shooting or otherwise occupied, I spent most of my time with Jasper and Emmett, and it was so easy to like them both. By the end of the month it was as if we had been friends for years. They were always pleasant, always fun and great to be around. They could be serious and both acted very professional around others, however, when it was just us, things were completely different. They acted like children, and when Cullen was thrown into the equation they were even more immature. Insults and jokes were continuously hurled at one another, Cullen was usually the main target but he gave as good as he got. I guess they had been friends for many years because none of the other staff ever talked to Cullen like that, many of them didn't even approach him unless it was completely necessary.

I didn't even have the option of keeping away. With Emmett and Jasper he was good natured and teasing but with me he was always sharp and downright mean.

_Oh, well. At least I don't have to see him today._

I rolled over to my side and opened my eyes slowly, and found Jacob watching me with a sleepy smile on his face.

"Good morning, beautiful." He shuffled closer and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"Mmm, morning."

Jake moved positions so that I was stretched on top of him, my head resting on his chest.

"Do you have to go to work?" I shook my head. "Great, what do you want to do today, then?"

I looked up so I could see his eyes. "I don't know, but I want to do something very relaxing."

Jake leaned forward and kissed me again. "We could stay in bed all day and watch DVDs."

"Sounds great." That's exactly what I needed; a lazy day in bed with nothing important to do.

"It sure does." Jake put a finger under my chin and lifted my face to his.

He began to kiss me slowly, tracing my bottom lip with his tongue. Gradually the kiss began to deepen, becoming more intense as he grabbed my hips and flipped us over so he could be on top. I didn't want to it to go any further but we hadn't made love in over two months and I felt bad. So I tried to show enthusiasm. I put my arms around his neck and moulded my lips to his as he caressed my arms. His movements were at first languid and relaxed but when I started to participate with more eagerness, his actions became more hurried, his hands became more insistent. They traced the contours of my waist and moved upwards, taking my t-shirt with them. I could feel the back of his hands on by bare stomach and on the underside of my breasts... he took my t-shirt off and kissed his way down, slowly, leaving wet kisses along the way...

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

Was that my phone? I craned my neck to the side to try to listen more carefully. Jake took the opportunity to kiss his way back up; he was kissing and tracing my collarbone with his tongue when I heard it again.

_Ring. Ring._

Yep, definitely my phone.

I grimace. Jake still had his eyes closed and was now nibbling on my earlobe. I didn't want to be mean and interrupt him when he was clearly enjoying himself, but the call could be important.

"Jake, I need to answer the phone." I started to move sideways but he followed me, not letting his lips be separated from my skin.

His only response to what I said was a soft 'mmm' and to start to try to undo the knot on my pyjama bottoms.

"Jacob, please get off, I need to get to the phone." He didn't budge an inch. I decided to take some decisive action-- I planted both my hands on his chest and used all my strength to push him away.

Finally he seemed to get the hint, his eyes snapped opened, totally confused.

I kept trying to move him. "The phone Jake. Move."

He rolled away with a frustrated sigh. "You gotta to be kidding me."

I leapt up, put on my t-shirt and ran in to the living room to answer the call.

Jake just glared at me and ran his hands through his hair.

I frantically rummaged through my bag until I found the phone.

Thankfully, it was still ringing. "Hello?"

"Hey Bella, it's Jasper."

"Oh, hey. What's up?" _Please don't say work. Please don't say work._

"Well, Edward is having a barbecue at his home today and-" _Great its work._

"Does he need me to work today? I mean, sure. I'll be there in half an hour. " There was no point in saying no. This was my job and I loved it, and I knew being a PA in showbiz didn't really mean a nine to five.

"No. No working today. We were just wondering if you wanted to come, it should be really fun."

Fantastic. Now I had to spend my days off with him as well? I knew I had to go; things were already bad enough with Mr. Cullen and denying an invitation would make it even worse, not to mention it would be rude.

"Oh, ok. Yeah, sounds good. What time does it start?"

"Em and I are already here, so come around whenever." I could hear voices and laughter in the background. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I'm sure there would be a lot of people present; talking to Cullen would be optional.

"Will do. I'll see you in an hour or so. Bye."

"Bye Bella."

I flipped my phone shut and rolled my neck trying to ease the tension. I had expected today to be easy and relaxing, but no, he just had to have a barbecue on my day off. Some people were just so inconsiderate.

I went to have a shower and get ready. I didn't really know what to wear, on one hand I would still be near my boss so I should dress smart, but on the other hand, the occasion called for something more casual. I settled on my favourite skinny jeans, black flip-flops and tank top, and a light wine-red cardigan. It was sunny and pleasant outside but there were a few clouds forming, it was better to be cautious and take a cardi.

I walked into the living room and found Jacob sitting on the sofa with his head buried in his hands. I tried to walk silently to the door. I didn't want to have a talk with Jake right now, and I knew that's what he would want. How could I explain to him that I preferred to be at a barbecue with my work colleagues rather than make love to my lovely boyfriend? Well, I couldn't. So I decided not to, I would just slip out quietly and explain when I came up with a plausible answer. I bit my lip and began to make my quiet getaway.

_Please don't look up. Let me be a coward. For the love of God don't look up. _

"Bella?"

_Oh crap._

I looked at Jake. "Hey, I need to get going. Something came up at work and I'm wanted there. I'll see you later." I tried to make a quick escape but it didn't work. Jake was in front of me in seconds.

"Bella, we really need to talk." His voice was quiet but I could tell he was both upset and annoyed. I looked down, not wanting to meet his sad eyes. But it backfired; I didn't see his eyes but I did see a very clear bulge in his boxers. _Nice going Bella. You just love to make him miserable._

I sighed. "I'm sorry but it's going to have to wait. I said I would be there within the hour. But I promise we will talk." I rose up on my tippy toes and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, not making any eye contact.

I got to the Cullen residence without a problem. I had already gone through the route countless times during the week, so I knew where the house was located.

I parked my cute Mini Copper and found the key to the house in the glove compartment; I had been given the spare to wake Cullen up. He usually slept like the dead so it wouldn't matter if I knocked or called or brought an elephant into his room, he would have slept through it all. During the week I'd spent hours finding all different ways of waking him up without having to touch him. I was sure if I had to shake him awake I would have ended up slapping him too, but I was more afraid I would have pulled the covers back to check if he slept au naturel. And perving on my boss was something I preferred to do in my mind and not act out.

I got out of the car and made my way up the long drive way to the house.

Mr. Cullen lived in a gorgeous mansion in Bel Air. It was very traditional on the outside, with a red brick exterior and a big wooden door with enormous medieval looking hinges and knocker, but the inside was completely different to what you would have expected; it wasn't warm or vintage. It was totally minimalistic and modern; with few pieces of furniture- the few pieces he had were all white or cream and there was a lot of glass in nearly every corner of the house. The walls were painted in varying shades of blue and there was art work everywhere-- the majority being watercolours similar to the ones Cullen had in his dressing room. Other things were similar to his dressing room too, like the ridiculous amount of CDs the man had-- he was obsessive about it. Overall the house looked and felt cold; there wasn't any vibrancy or any distinct personal stamp. It was as if no one lived there.

Something else I had noticed was the lack of personal things. Things like stupid nick-nacks acquired over the years or fridge magnets from when he went on family holidays. But the weirdest thing of all was the lack of photographs. The stand in the living room where he kept them only had a few of him, Jasper and Emmett, there weren't any of him with his family, or of him and a girlfriend, not even one of him with other celebrities. For some reason this really stuck with me and for the rest of the week I had tried to find photos of Mr Cullen with people other than Emmett and Jasper, but it seemed Cullen had very specific tastes when it came to photos.

As I reached the front door I noticed it was opened so I politely knocked and entered.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"In the garden." Emmett very loudly called out.

I walked into the scarcely decorated living room. It had ice blue walls, a long white sofa scattered with cream cushions, a glass TV stand and matching coffee table. There were also a few potted plants near the back wall and three watercolours above them. I had to admit Cullen had taste when it came to his art; the three paintings were exquisite. They depicted a changing sky-- the first was calm and peaceful and the third was stormy and turbulent-- they were clearly painted by a very talented artist.

I admired them once again as I placed my bag on the coffee table and walked towards the garden.

The garden was simply enormous. It was a huge stretch of lawn with a rectangular swimming pool in the middle. On the left of the swimming pool there was a Jacuzzi and on the right there was a Spanish style patio with a table and eight chairs, a little further back Emmett was standing near the barbecue.

_What the... Where was everyone? _

There was no one in the garden, just Emmett and I. I had foolishly expected a lot of other people to be present. For goodness' sake, the man was a celebrity, I was sure he had many friends, so why not invite them? Did he like to torture me with his presence? Wasn't it already enough that I had to stand his gorgeousness and pigheadedness on a daily basis while working, now he had to do it on Sundays too?

"Button! I'm glad you could make it." Emmett had taken to calling me Button, at first I thought it was annoying but now it was kinda endearing. I walked towards him and gave him a big hug.

"Hey Em, where is everyone?" I asked as I looked around. Maybe they were hiding?_ Yeah, right. You won't be so lucky._

He gave me a big smile. "Eddie and Jazz went to run some errands, they'll be back soon."

I leaned against one of the chairs. "No one else coming?"

Emmett flipped a burger over. "Nope. It's just the four of us. Edward doesn't like many people so there would be no point in inviting anyone else."

I wasn't surprised.

"Help yourself to anything. I went a little bit overboard with the food so eat as much as you can."

It was true, Em certainly had gone overboard, there was enough food on the table behind me to feed a small African country. Everything looked really delicious but I decided to wait for the others to come back before I ate anything.

Emmett started talking about some new gossip he had heard on set, but I wasn't paying much attention. For some reason I couldn't stop thinking about the photographs and I was sure Em would know the reason why Cullen had so few, and why they were all of his friends. I guess now was a good time as any to snoop into my boss's personal life.

Emmett was still talking about a scandalous star secret when I interrupted him. "Emmett, how long have you known Cullen for?"

He looked up from putting some more sausages on the grill. "Umm, twelve years, I think. Why?"

I crossed my ankles as I tried to appear uninterested. "No reason, really. I just noticed all his photos are of you guys together."

I made my answer a statement not a question. This was still my boss's life after all, and I didn't want to appear to be invading his privacy too much.

"Yeah, I know. Edward has trust issues, the poor kid is as screwed up as they get. I met him when I was fifteen, he was only twelve, that's when everything started. It was all their fault, what they did was unforgivable..." Emmett stopped grilling and shook his head "Of course it made him act out, how could it not? You should have seen how he was back then, the things he did. I still can't believe he managed to turn himself around and become the person he is today..." Emmett stopped talking and stared into space, his eyes had clouded over as if he was remembering a painful memory. The sound of my phone ringing from inside the house jarred him back to reality

He frowned, "What was my point?"

"Photos." I didn't even care about the damn phone-- I wanted to know the reason.

"Oh, right. Edward only has photos of the people he trusts. He's made a point about it, something about not wanting to be reminded of backstabbers and liars."

I had not expected that answer. What could have gone wrong in his childhood? I had Googled him and typed his name into Wikipedia and nothing terrible came up, everything was normal and scandal free. But apparently the websites had missed something crucial, something integral to who he was. I was dying to ask more about his past but Emmett had other ideas.

He began to move the sausages on the grill to one side. "Buttons, pass me the bacon, will ya?"

I turned around and searched the table for the bacon. I actually had to search for it; there was just sooo much food. I was reaching for the bacon when Emmett's sudden shout made me jump.

"HAM!"

I shot him an annoyed glance before returning my attention back to the table and trying to find the ham. "Geeze Emmett, calm down. There's no need to get so passionate over meat."

Em didn't pay me any notice, he left the barbecue and started running towards the house. I turned to see what had made him go crazy.

Jasper and Cullen were standing by the garden door grinning like simpletons. Mr. Cullen looked amazing, I know every day he looks good but for some reason today he looks even better. He seemed more relaxed, and the smile on his face was one of true happiness instead of politeness. I started to take everything in: The green flip flops, the baggy khaki shorts, the army print t-shirt, the luscious lips, the mesmerizing eyes.

_Sigh._

I started to blush intensely and instantly looked down at my hands. Cullen had caught me checking him out, and I knew he had caught me because there was a smirk on his tupid handsome face and I could feel his eyes on me. It wasn't even my fault -- it was his fault. He was the one who looked like a Greek God, what did he expect? For me to behave differently to other women? I wasn't blind or immune to his looks, but I was never going to let him know how attracted I was to him, or how sometimes I would make up little fantasies in my head about him._ Mmm, remove the shirt, then the shorts..._

I managed to somehow snap myself out of my little day dream and make my way to the group, where Jasper and Cullen were talking and Emmett was jumping up and down.

I still couldn't look Cullen in the eye, something I could tell he found absolutely hilarious by the smug look on his movie star face. His reaction to my embarrassment made me so angry I wanted to cry but I wasn't going to give him the pleasure of knowing he could reduce me to tears if he pushed the right buttons. So I straightened my shoulders, lifted my chin and ignored him-- something I was becoming increasingly good at.

"Hey guys," I gave Jazz a big smile and Mr. Cullen a cool nod.

Jasper put an arm around my shoulders and brought me closer to where Emmett was standing with his back to us.

"Bella, I'm delighted to introduce you to Buckingham Winston Cullen."

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**Again a sucky cliffie. I'm horrible at them and they aren't even intentional. I think there's no hope. **

**Anyways, thanks for reading and please leave a review.  
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	4. What Just Happened?

**Thanks to the lovely reviews, you guys make my day. Sorry if replies were a bit late.  
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**This chapter is more about what isn't said rather than what is...**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM. Ham belongs to me.**

**BPOV**

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Emmett turned around and in his arms was the cutest British Bulldog I had ever seen. He had chocolate brown eyes and droopy cheeks and stubby little paws.

"Awww, he's adorable." I reached to stroke him and he instantly licked my hand.

All the guys began to chuckle, even Cullen.

"You say that now, wait until he gets to know you better. I think you won't be describing him as adorable for long." Jasper began to scratch behind Buckingham's ear. "Ham here is a little bit of a Hell raiser."

"Ham?" Why would they call the dog something so silly?

Emmett put Buckingham down. "Yep. Edward decided to name him Buckingham, you know, because he is an _English_ bulldog, but it was a bit of a mouthful to say it every time you wanted to call him. So we call him Ham for short or Fucking'em when he lets his inner horny devil come out."

Cullen hit Emmett on the head. "I told you not to call him that, it might upset his feelings." He leaned down and began to pet Ham with obvious affection.

It was hard to believe someone as detached and aloof as Cullen could be so loving and protective over a dog, especially considering how he was never like that towards any human. Even though I usually found myself captivated by Cullen's looks there was never one minute when I believed he was anything but ill-tempered and churlish. But now seeing him play with a fat little dog made me see, even if for the briefest of moments, a different side to him-- something I had never encountered before.

We made our way to the table and sat down, except for Emmett who went back to the grill to try to salvage the, by now, burnt sausages.

I sat on the chair I had been leaning against, Jasper sat on the closest chair to my right and Cullen sat two chairs down on my left.

I placed my hands on the table and began playing with a napkin ring. "Where has Ham been all this time?" I had been working for Cullen for a month and the dog had never been mentioned.

Jasper began placing food on a couple of plates. "He had a little accident with a chew toy." He chuckled. "Ham eats everything, and he decided a rubber chicken would be a great meal. He ate so much of it that he had to have two operations to remove all the rubber. The poor thing spent the last month or so recuperating in a dog hotel."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he would have been in a dog hotel; this was a celebrity dog, after all.

Jasper passed me a plate. He had place a hot dog, a burger, four sausages, a mountain of lettuce, a pile of chips, two little cucumber sandwiches, and a blob of ketchup on my plate. I raised an eyebrow. How was I meant to eat all this?

Emmett sat down and began eating all the burnt sausages, now smothered in ketchup and mayonnaise. All Cullen had on his plate was a stake and a few tomato slices. When he reached for the garlic bread Jasper slapped his hand away reminding him that his next role required a six-pack. At first I thought Cullen would rip Jasper's head off, but all he did was narrow his eyes and cut into his stake viciously. They had such a strange relationship-- to an outsider it would seem Mr Cullen was in control, he was the star after all , but somehow that wasn't the case. Cullen would grumble and moan over everything Jasper said, but in the end he would do whatever Jasper advised. The same went for Emmett, from what I observed over the last month it seemed that Em acted as a sort of pick-me-up. Cullen would sometimes, for no apparent reason, slip into terrible moods; but Emmett was always there to make a joke or slap him around the head and get Cullen back to his normal self. It was odd, but they were like a well-oiled machine, each having their own unique part to play in each other's lives. If you removed one everything would fall apart.

Around the table everyone was relaxed, Emmett and Jasper kept a constant chatter and I was sporadically sucked into the conversation, they were so silly it was hard not to comment on the stupid stuff they came up with, but as usual Cullen said little. I was beginning to get the impression it was mainly due to my presence.

Emmett began retelling, in great detail, the compromising position he found Floyd Gray in last Friday.

"You should have seen him. His trousers were around his ankles, and his pale white ass was visible for miles, and he was definitely not getting freaky with his wife. I've seen her before and she's a brunette, the woman he was ramming into the wall had bright ginger hair." Emmett shook his head as if he had been greatly disappointed. "I would never have guessed Gray to be cheater, he's always so proper and shit."

I snorted. "All men are cheaters if they are given the chance." I smirked as I picked up a cucumber sandwich, men always hated to be told stuff like that.

Emmett appeared to be deeply insulted. "What?! How can you say that? I'll have you know I have never cheated on my girlfriend."

"That's because Rosalie would hunt you down and castrate you if you did. Sometimes I think of Rosalie as more animal than human, she always looks so mean, like she is going to rip you to shreds and burn the pieces if you turn your back on her." Jasper relaxed further into his chair and gave Emmett a challenging look.

I heard Cullen grunt. He picked Ham up and turned sideways, away from the conversation.

"What can I say? I like my women with a certain dangerous edge. And you're right; she is an animal...in the bedroom. " Emmett gave Jazz a cocky grin. "But at least she looks like a _woman_ and not some twelve year old girl. "

"You better take that back, Alice doesn't look twelve." Jasper was no longer relaxed; he was leaning forward and pointing his finger at Emmett.

"You're right, I take it back. She looks more like a eight year old."

Jasper's jaw dropped and he began waving his finger more furiously at Emmett, just when he was about to start spewing an onslaught of obscenities, Cullen cut in.

"For goodness' sake you two, we aren't having this discussion again. We already agreed that Alice looks young because she is extremely short and that Rosalie looks mean because of the Botox. Leave it at that."

I couldn't help but laugh, they were so childish. Both Emmet and Jasper were not amused by my reaction, but from the corner of my eye I caught what seemed to be a hint of a smile appear on Cullen's face. I seriously needed to get my eyes checked.

Jasper crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at Emmett, giving him a We're-not-finished-yet look, but Em just ignore him and resumed eating.

He poured more ketchup on his sausages as he spok. "What about you, Miss Perfect, do you have a boyfriend?"

The question instantly flustered me. "Umm... yeah, I do."

Jazz put another cucumber sandwich on my plate. "Well, give us all the details."

Oh, why did they have to ask me these questions? I hated being centre of attention and I especially hated being asked personal questions because I knew I would end up blushing uncontrollably, even if there was no reason for me to be embarrassed.

"He's called Jacob, we met in college, we've been together for five years, and he works as a mechanic for a Hot Rod manufacturer." I answered quickly, hoping they wouldn't ask me more questions.

But Em wasn't going to let me off the hook so easily. "And has he cheated on you? Is that why you think all men are cheaters?"

"I...Umm... No, I don't think he has. And I didn't say all men were cheaters, I said all men would cheat if they were given the chance. I think you'll find that there is a difference. But that doesn't matter. I never knew you guys had significant others, tell me all about them."

I tried to move the conversation to a safe ground. I always felt very uncomfortable talking about someone who I was intimate with. I just didn't like people knowing that I had a boyfriend, but I didn't know why that was, maybe it was because they would ask questions that would force me to look closely at my relationship and I preferred to pretend that everything was peachy keen.

My plan worked and the guys were sidetracked into talking about their girlfriends and how they met them. Cullen sat back with Ham in his lap and would sometimes smile at what Jazz and Em said, but he didn't pitch in with any personal anecdotes about past or present girlfriends-- something that didn't surprise me. I distracted myself by playing once again with the napkin ring and by watching Cullen pet Ham. I wasn't even aware of how much attention I was giving Cullen's long fingers until I heard someone clear their throat. I blinked and looked up only to realise it had gone quiet and Jasper and Emmett were now looking intently at me. Of course, I went bright red. I tried to hide my reaction by leaning my head down and pretending to dip my sausage in the ketchup but as I did so, I shyly peaked through the curtain of my hair to see if Cullen had noticed my embarrassment. However, his green eyes weren't on my face, instead his gaze was fixed on my left hand as I twirled the napkin ring. I was engrossed as I watched him watching me, countless moments neither of us broke our stares, I felt like I couldn't look away and it appeared Cullen was having the same problem. Even though my full attention was on Cullen's face, I could still hear a slight buzz in the background. 

_Was someone saying something? _

"Earth to Bella... Hello? Anyone home?" Jasper poked me in the ribs, disturbing my trance like state.

I shook my head, trying to get a grip on reality. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Jasper's eyes narrowed as he took in my flushed cheeks and the direction of Cullen's gaze, but he didn't comment on what had just transpired, "I was just wondering why you haven't quit yet. I mean we don't _want _you to, but we just wondering why."

Had a missed an entire section of the conversation? I was sure they were talking about their girlfriends a few minutes ago. How long had I been staring at Cullen's hands for?

I put the napkin ring down and instantly felt Cullen's eyes shift to my face. "Well... um... I love my job. Why would I quit something I love?" I was still a bit confused by the sudden change of topic, but I tried to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Emmett reached for the napkin ring and started playing with it. I think he was subtly telling me that he hadn't missed anything either. "All the others liked their job and then they encountered Edward Cullen and all Hell broke loose." He flicked the napkin ring in the air. "Do you guys remember Patrick? I think he was the third one. The dude quit after six hours, he said Eddie-boy here was a dick."

Jasper laughed at the memory "I remember him. But the funniest one was Elyse. The girl couldn't even look at him, she just tripped and fell and did nothing else. I think she was in love you, Edward."

Emmett tossed the napkin ring in the air once again. "She wasn't the funniest. Jessica was the funniest. When she came in with a short mini-skirt and a boob-tube and Edward asked her if she left the rest of her outfit at home. " Em chuckled. "She was livid, I tell you. She would have cut off your balls right then and there. Now that was hilarious."

The conversation soon changed and they started talking about Cullen's next project, but Emmett kept throwing the napkin ring in the air and catching it. Suddenly Cullen reached across to his side, snatched the thing off Em's hands and slammed it against the table, with a loud thud.

My eyes opened wide. What just happened?

Jasper looked taken back also. "Right..." he tilted his head to one side and the other as if trying to understand something, but in the end he just snorted and got up. "Ok, I'm leaving. It's getting late and I should get going, I told Alice I would be home before eleven."

For the first time since Cullen and Jasper had arrived I looked around, and sure enough the sky was now speckled with stars.

"Yep, I should get going too, Rose won't be happy if she goes to bed and I'm not there."

We all got up and made our way into the house.

Jasper was already out the door when he popped his head back in again. "Don't forget that tomorrow is press day. Don't go to bed late and certainly don't ignore Bella when she is waking you up tomorrow, Edward. I'll see you guys bright and early. " And with that he left, closely followed by Emmett.

I picked up my handbag and checked my phone. It was already 22:19 and Jacob had called three times. _How did that happen?_ I swear I only heard it ring once. It was as if I had spent the entire day in a trance and it I was sure it was all Cullen's fault.

Today could only be described as weird. Time had gone so fast, and things happened that I was sure were just figments of my imagination. My brain couldn't cope with all the little things that had taken place, all the information that it had gained. I could feel a migraine approaching. 

_Great._

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Swan, remember to bring my coffee with you."

Cullen was holding the door open, ready for me to leave, with Buckingham by his side.

_Ok, then. He is back to asshole mode._

"I will remember to do so. Is there anything else you require Mr. Cullen?" I tried to speak normally but I couldn't hold back a hint of sarcasm.

Cullen narrowed his eyes. "No, I think that's all. Try to get it to me while it's still hot and not lukewarm like last time."

"I shall try my very hardest, Mr. Cullen," I answered. I was about to leave when Ham started whining; the little fella didn't like being ignored.

I leaned down to stroke Ham to say goodbye, but my clumsy ways took over and I lost my balance, and nearly fell into Cullen's arms. Thankfully, I managed to control my feet just enough so that I stopped inches away, but it still meant that I was far too close.

I looked up and he looked down, for a couple of minutes we just stared at each other, and for the first time I noticed the hint of blue in his eyes. They were beautiful, hypnotic and captivating. They were the sort of eyes that you wanted to have a closer look at and then never look away again. Buckingham started barking, making me jump back. Cullen took a step away and blinked quickly, however, not quickly enough. I was still able to catch a glimpse of his eyes glazed over, disorientated. I knew exactly how he felt.

"I...I ummm...I should get going. Goodnight Mr. Cullen."

Cullen cleared his throat and began shutting the door. "Er, yes. 'night Ms. Swan."

I started walking down the long drive way but stopped after a few steps.

_What the HELL just happened? _

I was in shock. Did I just have a moment back there with my boss? _With Cullen_ ? Did we just stare into each other's eyes?

I shook my head. Of course not. There was no way that I did that... but maybe I did. I didn't even know anymore, I felt like I spent the entire day asking myself 'What just happened?'

I needed to lay down and take some painkillers for my migraine. I would think about it all tomorrow.

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**I know the Buckingham thing is a bit lame, but he is important to this story...kind of. Ok, I just really wanted Edward to have a dog. **

**Thanks for reading and please review.  
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	5. Waking the Demon

**This update took longer because the chapters are getting longer. I hope you guys don't mind.**

**Thanks to everyone who left a review.  
**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to the wonderful SM. I just like them do being mean to each other.  
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**BPOV**

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_Come on. Move it, move it._

The traffic was going at a snail's pace, and the lights had just turned red. I knew I only had another twenty minutes to get to Cullen's house to wake him up if we were ever going to make it to work on time.

It was 6:55 am and I had already been up for an hour. I had spent the better part of an hour trying to get everything ready for today; I made notes on the sixteen interviewers and ironed out Cullen's schedule, to make sure everything ran smoothly.

As soon as the lights turned green I took a left and then parked in the Starbucks car park. I got out and power walked to get the coffee; I had exactly five minutes to get Cullen's espresso as well as my breakfast-- Caffé Mocha and a double chocolate chip muffin, yum. Surprisingly, there wasn't a large queue and I was able to grab everything and be back in the car within the allotted time. I put the cups and muffin on the passenger's seat and drove off.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my right temple. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I kept replaying everything in my mind; the information I had gotten from Emmett, the odd compulsion I had felt to stare at Cullen, but above all the last few moments before I left his house. The way our eyes had locked into each other's wasn't something I had ever experienced before, it was strange and unexpected. I didn't even like the guy, for crying out loud, and there I was staring at his greeny-bluey eyes like I didn't have a brain. It was pathetic and it wouldn't happen again. So, no more staring at him, or giving his long fingers attention, and there definitely wouldn't be any more little fantasies. Yesterday a line had been crossed, a line that should never have been crossed, and so today I would take a step back and redraw that line. He was my boss and I was his employee. I was the dedicated PA who had a slight hatred for her disgustingly good-looking movie star boss, and nothing more.

I turned my attention back to the familiar road. When I reached number seventeen, I slowed down so I could open the electric gates. I parked and decided to leave my breakfast in the car-- there was no way I would be able to carry two coffees and a muffin up a slight hill without spilling a large amount of the drink on myself, and I wasn't going to risk that. I loved the outfit I was wearing. I had on a brown jersey wrap dress with super cute nude patent wedges. The dress emphasised my cleavage in a tasteful manner, and the wedges made my legs look longer, which was always good. But even though my shoes were really pretty, they sure were hell to walk in.

I tried to keep Cullen's coffee stable as I placed it on the floor to fish out the key. As soon as I opened the door I heard his astonishingly loud alarm. From previous experience I knew that this meant he was still in bed, still asleep. I made my way up the stairs and entered his room. Out of all the rooms in the house this one was my favourite, maybe because it wasn't decorated in neutral colours and therefore didn't feel cold. The walls were a deep navy blue and the furniture was mahogany instead of the usual glass. There was a beautiful king size four-poster bed right in the middle of the room and a modern burgundy chaise-lounge in front of it. And of course there was art work and music. The wall adjacent to the bed had a large oil painting, and beneath it there was a table with an expensive looking iPod stand.

I put the espresso on his bedside table and turned the alarm off. Cullen didn't even stir.

I knew he wouldn't wake up without me doing something drastic, but I would start with the basics first.

I cleared my throat loudly, trying to make as much noise as possible, but as I expected nothing happened. His breathing was even and his body motionless.

"Mr. Cullen, please wake up." He didn't so much as shift or even mumble.

"Mr. Cullen!" I raised my voice slightly but the fool just kept on sleeping.

I looked at the clock on the wall, it was already 7:25, and we had to leave at 8:00 so that he would have plenty of time to get wardrobe and makeup done before the interviews began. Jasper would not be happy if we were late, and it would technically be my fault if we ran behind schedule. Damn him.

"CULLEN!"

I got nothing. Not even a teeny-weeny little eye flutter. Fine. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I walked to his iPod and searched for a good song to wake up to.

_Mmm, what would he appreciate? _

He did have a lot of good music, but I wanted something special, something that showed how much I simply adored having to wake up an unconscious lump every day. I went through his playlists. I couldn't find the _perfect _song but I did find something close to it.

I selected 'Waking the Demon', no pun intended, by Bullet For My Valentine and turned the volume up as loud as it would go.

I didn't even care how much it hurt my ears or head, his expression as he bolted straight up from the bed was so worth it. My plan had worked marvellously. His eye nearly popped out of his head and he looked downright scared. I had to bite my lip and look out the French doors not to laugh, it didn't really work. In my peripheral vision I could still see him gasping and blinking rapidly. I managed to control my expression before facing Cullen again.

He took a deep breath to calm himself down, but when his unfocused eyes readjusted and he saw me standing in front of his bed, his expression changed from disorientated to mad as Hell.

I swear I saw the muscle on his jaw twitch.

I had gotten up today dreading the day ahead, but his reaction had just made my morning. Making him miserable seemed to put me in a good mood, so why not continue? Sure, it was mean, but he was constantly horrible to me. It only seemed fair to balance things out.

I turned the music off. "Well, good morning Mr. Cullen." I said with a bright smile. "I hope you slept well. Your coffee is on the bedside table, your first interview starts at nine, please be ready and downstairs in half an hour."

Cullen glared at me. "That was such a lovely way to wake up. Thank you, Ms. Swan." He said through clenched teeth. "You really are most creative in your methods."

I gave him an angelic look "I do try, Mr. Cullen." I answered, trying to keep my voice polite. "I thought you might like to wake up to some of your favourite music."

He pushed the covers back as he got up. "You're absolutely right; there's nothing better than waking up to loud screams." Was that sarcasm I detected? The man needed to work on his attitude.

"I'll keep that in mind for future reference." This time I couldn't help but let a little bit of humour seep through. "Is there anything else you require?"

Cullen picked the coffee up and took a sip. I knew he was dying to criticise something, but I also knew that the coffee was boiling hot, he wouldn't be able to complain about that.

He looked up and narrowed his eyes, clearly disappointed with not being able to say something about it. "No, that will be all."

I nodded and left, shutting his door quietly behind me. I descended the stairs and made my way to his kitchen. Cullen usually had breakfast at the studio but today, due to the tight schedule and the change in location, he wouldn't be able to grab a quick bite. So, I decided to make him some toast. I know he isn't the most pleasant individual but I was still being paid to look after him and under no circumstances would I fail in my duties.

I put my handbag down on the counter and opened the fridge, and had to roll my eyes. The man only had bottled water, ketchup and two lemons. What the Hell was I meant to do with that? I started opening the cupboards searching for something, anything, that was edible but they too were empty.

I was on my tiptoes trying to reach the cupboard above the microwave when I felt something brush across my legs. I let out a high squeal and started praying that it wasn't a rat. I closed my eyes and tensed but decided to look down.

Buckingham looked at me with his adorable puppy eyes and licked my leg. My heart restarted then.

"Aw, hey there buddy. You scared the bejesus out of me." I said as I stroke his fat neck.

"Karma is a bitch."

I looked up to find Cullen leaning against the counter with a pleased grin on his face. Idiot.

I straightened and gave him a nasty look. He just raised an eyebrow and continued to smile. If he wasn't careful I would slap that stupid looking grin right out of his face.

"Ready to leave, Mr. Cullen?" I asked as I put my handbag over my shoulder.

"I need my schedule first." Cullen extended his hand as I walked by.

"Oh, of course." I opened by bag and took out my red folder. Cullen didn't like anything digital, all his schedules, memos, scripts, etc. were all on paper.

I flipped through all the papers but couldn't find the darn thing. Where the heck did I put it? I started thinking back to this morning. The last place I remember having it in my hands was in the bathroom... before I put it down near the sink to pick up my brush. Oh great.

"I'm afraid I left it at home Mr. Cullen..." I explained, with a slight grimace. He definitely did not look happy. "But I- I have it on my PDA, just a moment." I grabbed it from the front pocket and handed it to him, with the schedule already on the screen.

He took it and scrolled through it. "Ms. Swan, you know very well I prefer everything on paper. I would have thought that after a month in my employment you would have caught on to that."

I nodded. "Yes, I just had a lapse in memory and forgot to bring it with me. It won't happen again."

"I expect it not to." He handed my PDA back to me. "Ham, Come."

Cullen left with Buckingham trailing behind.

I took a deep breath. He was right to be mad; it was my fault, after all. I messed up and I knew it. This one time I would accept any further mean comments because I knew I deserved them.

"Ms. Swan!"

_What now?_

I hurried out the door and locked it before turning to face him. He pointed to the empty drive way.

_Oh crap. Double crap._

"I'm on it. I'll call the driver right now." He leaned against the door and crossed his ankles as I frantically scrolled through the names in my phone and called Mike, Cullen's usual driver.

The dimwit didn't pick up. Cullen was right; Karma really was a stupid bitch. But the next time I saw Mike I would make him suffer, painfully, for not being on time when I most needed him to be.

_Oh, that boy has no idea what's coming to him._

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen, but I can't get a hold of Mike, so we will just have to leave without him. I know you can't drive one of your cars to the hotel because of the paparazzi... I think the only solution is for me to drive you there. Does that sound acceptable?"

Cullen pushed himself away from the door. "Does it have tinted windows?"

I frowned. "Well, no."

He rolled his eyes. "Then I'll need a hoodie."

I didn't even respond, just unlocked the door and half ran, half tripped to his room and made my way straight for the walk in closet to get it. I decided to get a black one as he was already wearing a black t-shirt, and flew downstairs.

I handed Cullen the hoodie and hurried down the drive way to my car, with Cullen and Buckingham behind me.

I got into the driver's seat and moved my Caffé Mocha and muffin so Cullen could sit down without getting chocolate or coffee on his bum. I looked at my muffin; it was one of the nice ones with a gooey centre and extra chocolate chips on top. The muffin looked so yummy that I just wanted to bury my face in it, but I knew I would be able to fit breakfast in some other time, but Cullen wouldn't. After he put Ham in the back and buckled his seat belt, I handed him my tasty treat.

Cullen looked at me like I had grown a second head. "What's this?"

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. "It's a muffin. People have been known to eat them."

He was staring with such intensity at the chocolaty goodness that I thought I might have offended him in some way. Did he have some personal vendetta against a muffin man? Is that why he is looking at the muffin with such...umm... Well, I didn't really know what emotion he was portraying, it looked like loathing but with tenderness... actors are very confusing people.

After a few moments he took it and I was finally able to drive off. I couldn't see any paparazzi yet, but I knew that as soon as we entered the main streets of LA they would be everywhere; like a pack of vultures they would be circling their pray, waiting for something juicy to happen so they could earn thousands by snapping their cameras and disrupting people's lives. I hadn't dealt with them much since my employment began but that was only because Cullen had been shooting his latest film and not doing the media circuit thing. However, for the next month Cullen would be promoting a project he had completed a few months back, so from now on those obnoxious paps would be part of his day to day, which meant I better get prepared to have cameras shoved in my face.

Oh, the joys of working in La La Land.

We drove in silence with neither of us speaking, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable, it was actually kind of relaxing. I was sipping my delicious Caffé Mocha until I noticed that Cullen still hadn't eaten anything.

"You should really eat something; I don't know if there will be time later. Plus, its chocolate, it's bound to make you less cranky." The words stumbled out before I could rein them in. Did I just call him cranky? Oh, I was dead meat.

I could feel his gaze on me.

"Cranky? I'm never cranky." I couldn't see his reaction to what I said, but I was sure I heard a smile in his voice. How odd.

He leaned forward to take a bite but hesitated, instead he turned his head towards me. "Don't tell Jasper about this."

I started laughing quietly. "Tell Jasper about what?" I feigned ignorance. Did he actually think I would tell on him for eating a muffin?

I didn't know what was going on today, for some reason we were getting along quiet well. Usually it was him being a rude asshole and me just taking in on the chin. But, today he was being reasonable and I was showing some of my backbone. Maybe yesterday had changed something, spending time together as a group outside work might have made him relax a bit. Whatever it was, it was making me become more and more reluctant to draw that invisible line again, to put a distance between him and I. I guess I preferred him talking to me rather than him giving me the silent treatment every time we were alone. I could still keep my thoughts work related and impersonal, I was sure, but maybe I didn't need to distance myself. I couldn't deny that he fascinated me and I didn't really want to shut myself off and miss the opportunity to understand the elusive Edward Cullen better.

We arrived at the Beverly Hills Hotel and were instantly swarmed by hundreds of paparazzi. Cullen put his hood up and leaned his head down; hiding his face. It was clear he knew how to deal with the hungry masses. I, on the other hand, was amazed by just how many of them there were and by how violent they were becoming. I immediately dialled Emmett's number to inform him of our arrival.

It was difficult getting Cullen inside the building, even taking the back entrance still meant he needed four bodyguards to safely escort him inside. I was glad I didn't have to make my way alone through the paparazzi. Emmett tucked Ham under his left arm and me under his right; protecting me from shoves and pushes and quickly dealing with anyone who came too close.

_Yeah, no one mess with this button or the giant will squash you_. Oh, my mind needed to get a grip on itself.

"There you two are." Jasper checked his watch. "And right on time. Great work, Bella."

I gave him a smile as he turned away and walked down the long corridor with the bodyguards and Cullen in tow. I hurried behind the tall men with extremely long legs, who didn't have a clue how hard it was to walk in heels. Well, at least Ham understood, with him having stubby legs and all.

The hotel suite was larger than my apartment; with two bedrooms and an insanely ginormous living-room and three bathrooms.

Cullen went in for makeup and wardrobe, so I looked around to check out where the interviews were going to be held. Cullen would be sat in the same arm chair and then the various interviewers would be coming in and doing their thing. The smaller TV programmes had ten minutes while the more popular ones such as E! had double the time. It was going to be a smooth operation and tightly controlled. Emmett had positioned himself by the door, anyone leaving or entering would only do so with his permission. Floyd Gray had prepped all the interviewers; no personal questions were allowed, all the questions had to be centred on the film or past and future projects, nothing more. Jasper had instructed Cullen on what and what not to say, and was arranging all the minute details, such as the backdrop.

I was sorting through my notes when I heard Jasper call me. "Bella, could you please come in here."

I made my way to the main bathroom. Cullen was sitting on a chair with a scowl on his face, behind him a woman worked on his hair, and Jasper was sitting on a day bed stroking Ham.

"What is it Jazz?"

"I just wanted your opinion." I nodded, indicating for him to continue. "You see, Edward's wardrobe for today is classic chic and to go with the wardrobe we want to pull his hair back with some gel, but he's being stubborn and refusing. He wants another opinion. So what do you think? Clean and tamed, or messy and dishevelled?"

Both Jasper and Cullen were looking at me expectantly. Why would Jasper want to destroy such a work of art by doing such a horrendous thing as applying gel to it was beyond me.

"No, I think you should leave it as it is, I think it will look better."

"Ha!" Cullen ran his fingers through his hair and got up. "Thank you for your opinion, Ms. Swan." He then bestowed me with the most enchanting smile I had ever seen, it was crooked and it made me feel a little dizzy.

Like the simpleton I am, I simply nodded and watched him leave.

"Bella, I can't believe you sided with him on this. I thought we were cool."

I had to laugh at Jasper, he sounded so gangsta.

"We are cool, but why touch his hair? It looks amazing as it is."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't leave him alone today, we'll all be present, but the media can be very tenacious in getting what they want, so watch out. One wrong word or action and it can ruin five years of hard work and his career."

"Stick to him like glue. Got it."

We made our way to the main room but I swear I heard Jasper mutter something under his breath that sounded like 'traitor', I couldn't hold back a chuckle and neither could he. Emmett, Jazz and Floyd sat themselves down near the door. They seemed relaxed and were joking with each other as the first interviewer and his crew prepared to begin, but I could tell they were all paying attention to what was going on-- ready to act if anything didn't go their way.

I sat down on my chair. It was on the side, behind the cameras and lighting. I could see Cullen perfectly but he couldn't see me due to how they had lighted the place up. I took out my notes and read through them, ready to pass on the information to Cullen.

I walked up and showed him the paper but he shoved it back in my direction, without even reading it.

"Just give me the basics." Cullen was fidgeting with his cuffs and appeared rather uncomfortable.

"Ok, the first one is easy. His name is Jack Wintrily, he usually asks film related questions, but he tries to be funny, so humour the guy. Anything else you want to know?"

Cullen shook his head.

I sat back down and the interview began.

It was then that I finally understood. Understood why he was a big star, why his name alone drove millions to the see a film. It was his charisma; he had so much of it, bucket loads. The way he answered the questions and acted made you want to know more, he was awkward and distant and yet he showed just enough of an indescribable spark that kept you engaged, and made you smile even when there was no reason for it. It was also his body language; it made you feel like you were in control, it made you want to protect him from others, but at the same time it gave you the impression that he was the one leading not following.

Cullen was a contradiction and a mystery that you couldn't help but want to solve.

By 12:00 Cullen had finished three interviews, they were short in length but there was so much involved that it took nearly an hour to complete a single one. Every time there was a switch I would inform Cullen of the interviewer's background. I looked down at my notes to check who would be next. Darn it. It was Victoria Vanderlinden. The woman was probably one of the nastiest characters in showbiz, she was ruthless and seemed to have no morals, she would do anything to get the story she wanted, but her show was one of the most watched world-wide so she always had access to the biggest stars.

I got up and leaned forward to whisper the information in Cullen's ear but he put his hand up, silencing me.

"Trust me, I know all about Vanderlinden. Tell Jasper to keep a close eye."

I did as asked and then sat back down, and waited for the interview to begin. I had a feeling this was not going to go well.

I was intently listening to the conversation going on between Cullen and Vanderlinden.

"Shall we begin, Edward?"

"By all means, Victoria."

Cullen sat deeper into his chair and cracked his knuckles.

Vanderlinden put on the fakest smile I had ever seen and began the interview.

"Edward, it's nice to see you once again. Tell us about your latest film."

"Well, it's called 'Trust Me'. It's an intense story about Edison Collin, a soldier who returns from the First World War to discover his fiancée married to another man. He's lonely and has nothing to live for until he meets Ella Dove, a secretary. At its most basic the film is a romance, but on a deeper level it's a story about discovery and healing."

"It sounds as if it has 'Oscar' written all over it."

Cullen smiled. "Scorsese, did a great job as director and the script was truly inspirational. I hope this project gets the recognition it much deserves."

They continued to discuss the film and the ins and outs of post production. I was quite surprised by how well Vanderlinden was sticking to the rules.

A movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention. Emmett and Floyd left the room and Jasper walked towards me and leaned down.

"We're just stepping out to deal with something important," he whispered. "We'll be right outside." He then left and I turned my attention back to the interview.

"Now, tell me more about what it's like being an international superstar."

"Umm...Well, it's surreal. I've been doing this for some years now and I still can't believe how fortunate I am to be working with the best in the industry, and of course, the fans are amazing. They support everything I do. I'm very lucky to have such a great fan base."

Cullen sounded well rehearsed, but still sincere.

"Did you always want to do this? Was it your dream as a young boy to become a multimillionaire?"

Ok, the questions were becoming a bit too personal, and I could tell Cullen was becoming increasingly uncomfortable; he started the rub the back of his neck.

"No, I stumbled upon acting when I was in my late teens. It... It was never my dream per se, but I'm very happy with how my life has turned out."

"I'm sure you are. Along with the money you now have millions of girls throwing themselves at you, not to mention celebrities."

Shit! Where was Jazz? Cullen was sweating bullets out there, and the Vanderlinden woman was like a dog with a bone; she just wouldn't let it go. But I couldn't really leave to go and warn him.

"It's never been about the money for me. The acting is what's important."

"Yes, but the women. They are everywhere, aren't they? You are always being linked to a different celebrity every week in the tabloids, but increasingly the number has dwindled down to one: Alyssa Maymore. How is your relationship with her?"

Cullen was looking around, clearly trying to see where Jasper or Floyd were so they could rescue him. But ,of course, he couldn't see anyone.

"I would prefer not to talk about my personal life."

"But it's what everyone wants to know. Are you or are you not dating Alyssa Maymore?"

Cullen was losing his cool and I was ready to bitch slap that woman.

_Come on, Bella, do something._

My mind was telling me to act but I didn't know what to do. Was I really going to interrupt an interview? I didn't even know if it was going out live.

Cullen took a deep breath. He turned his head sideways as he picked up his water bottle, hoping to delay answering the question.

"So, which one is it, Edward?"

As he turned he looked right at me, and yet couldn't see me. But I could see him and the look in his eyes was one of being close to despair. He knew he couldn't be rude and tell her to mind her own business, but he couldn't answer the question either, and no matter how much he avoided it Victoria would just keep going back to it.

_Fuck fuck fuckty fuck._

I had to do something... and later on I would kill Jazz for not being in the room when Cullen needed him.

_It's now or never._

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**Feel free to leave a review. Thanks for reading.  
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	6. Bad to Good

**This is the first E-POV chapter. From here on the story will alternate from EPOV to BPOV.  
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**Disclaimer: You all know the drill. Characters belong to SM.  
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_Come on, Jazz. Do something._

Where the Hell is he, anyway? Can't he see that Vanderlinden is entering a no-go zone? Shit. I was going to have to give her some form of answer.

I blurted the first thing that came to mind. "I would prefer not to talk about my personal life."

I knew she would just keep asking. Vanderlinden wasn't one to let things go easily and politician style answers didn't work with her. The ruthless bitch wouldn't give me a chance to manoeuvre my way out of the questions with my dignity or privacy intact. And all because I didn't find her attractive... Ugh, women!

"But, it's what everyone wants to know. Are you or are you not dating Alyssa Maymore?"

My eyes scanned the room trying to find Jazz or even Emmett, anyone, to get me out of this awkward situation.

I took a deep breath as I tried to calm myself down. But I was failing miserably. It wasn't just that Vanderlinden was making me squirm, it was also the fact that no one was doing anything to stop her. The questions she was asking were out of line and everyone in this room knew it, and yet none of the imbeciles who worked for me took action to prevent what could possibly turn into a disaster. I was mad. No. I was fuming.

VanderBitch's smirk and the malicious glint in her eyes told me she saw an easy victory; she would get an answer, and whatever it was, it would make me look bad and make her look like the best at her job. She always prided herself in having the balls to do what others shied away from, and this interview would just prove that once again. No wonder I refused to touch her even with a barge pole months ago.

I reached down to grab my water bottle, while trying to communicate how utterly uncomfortable I was to those in the room, but the stupid lighting was pointed right in my face and I couldn't see if my message was getting across.

With every second I could feel myself losing control over my temper. For the last five years I had worked extremely hard to remain cool, calm and collected and not return to my old ways. But VanderBitch was getting under my skin, like she always did. And that is why Jasper should have interfered by now and have put an end to all this crap, he knew how she was. But, no. The dumbass was nowhere to be seen. There would be Hell to pay later.

"So, which one is it, Edward?"

Keep it generic. Use the '_We're just friends' _shit.

I cleared my throat and rubbed my neck. "Er, well. We- "

"I- I apologize for the interruption, but I- I'm afraid Mr. Cullen has an urgent call that cannot be delayed and he is required to answer it immediately."

I looked up and saw Swan standing just beside the light fixture. Her eyes were downcast and her voice lacked any real authority, but I could have sworn that in that exact moment she was Wonder Woman, Bat Girl, Mrs. Incredible and Buffy rolled into one. She came to save the day, but more importantly she came to save me from VanderBitch, and that was even more of an accomplishment than stopping an apocalypse.

I stared at her, my eyes locking with hers. I was telling her to not leave me alone, not take any shit from VanderBitch and to get me the Hell out of here.

Vanderlinden gave a disbelieving snort. "Well, this _important _phone call will just have to wait. We still have six minutes left on the clock and there is no way I'm cutting this interview short." Her voice was pure poison, her jaw was clenched, and she was giving Swan the I'm-about-to-fuck-you-up-if-you-mess-with-me look. There was no way that my little, fragile assistant was going to go head-to-head against Satan Himself.

I turned my attention back to Swan and I knew I was right, she was chewing on her bottom lip and her eyes shifted nervously from Vanderlinden to me. I didn't blame her. She was obviously scared of the Devil incarnated, and anyway, her job wasn't to deal with this sort of thing. No, this was most certainly Jasper's or Gray's job.

VanderBitch shooed her away with her hand and turned her venomous eyes back to me. She was going to lay into me even more than before. Those remaining six minutes were going to be the longest six minutes in the history of the world.

Swan took an unsteady step back, still biting her lip.

I leaned back against the chair, closed my eyes and let out a defeated sigh as I prepared to be bombarded with intruding personal questions._ Great._

All I wanted was to be somewhere playing the piano, letting my emotions pour through my fingers and pretend that everything was good in my world. I knew I wasn't very good at playing -- I only really had five years of training -- but I was told I was a natural, that I had a nack for it. Damn it, I wanted to be doing that, not this.

Jasper was going to pay.

VanderBitch began to impatiently tap her sharp nails on her armrest to get my attention. "Let's continue. You were seen in _Eclipse _nightclub with Alyssa Maymore last Friday. Insiders reported that there was a lot of groping going on and that you spent the better part of an hour with your tongue down her throat. Tell me more."

I lost it. I was about to tell her to go eat shit, or something equally as eloquent, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"This interview is over. Mr. Cullen if you could please follow me."

Vanderlinder stood up and aggressively pointed her scrawny finger at Swan. "I think I've already told you that I'm not cutting this interview short. Is there something wrong with your hearing?!" She practically shouted. If Swan didn't have hearing problems before she definitely did now.

"No, I heard you perfectly the first time, Ms. Vanderlinden. And you aren't cutting the interview short... I am."

My jaw dropped to the floor. VanderBitch looked like she was ready to explode or beat Swan into a pulp, or both. But my little assistant didn't look at all perturbed. She was glaring straight back at Vanderlinden, and giving her -- what my aunt would've referred to as -- the evil eye. Who would have thought Swan had it in her?

Swan's hand moved lower to between my shoulder blades as she signalled for me to stand up, without once breaking eye contact with the Devil.

I was immediately out of my seat. Swan stepped back to give me space to move and then ushered me into one of the bedrooms, away from Vanderlinden and the shocked stares of those in the room.

She chose the room furthest from the living room and quietly shut the door. As soon as she turned around her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes became wide as saucers as she stared at me silently.

I was still in a state of mild shock. I would never have thought Swan would do something so ballsy. She always looked like the type of person who was well balanced and not crazy enough to mess with the Queen Bee of trashy entertainment news. I just hoped this didn't backfire in anyway.

Swan opened and closed her mouth several times before finally speaking. "I- I ...I'm sorry. I can't... Oh my God... that was..." She wasn't making any sense. Swan took a deep breath and started again. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Cullen. I have no idea what came over me. I will completely understand if you want to fire me, and I'll be sure to write Ms. Vanderlinden an apology letter."

Swan was now wringing her hands as well as biting her bottom lip. She was going to injure herself if she didn't stop soon.

I sat down on the bed and ran a hand through my hair. "I'm not going to fire you." I couldn't stop a small chuckle from escaping my lips. "I'm giving you a raise."

I was shocked, amused and darn right happy Jasper had hired Swan as my PA. The girl had balls.

Swan stared at me for a second "Oh." A small smile graced her face before she sat down on a chair near the door. "I really hope the interview wasn't live, or I'll be getting some interesting phone calls when it airs."

I leaned back against the headboard and closed my eyes. "The interview was recorded. Victoria's team will heavily edit it." Even with Swan providing a moment of amusement, today still proved to be one of those bad days, those never ending bad days.

"That's good. Well, I better go find Jasper as I'm sure he will be expecting an explanation."

That got my attention. "Where is he?" Asshole had left me alone.

Swan got up and smoothed her dress down. "I think he's outside with the others."

"What! He's outside?"

Swan flinched. I knew my voice had become harsh.

"Umm, yes. Something, er, came up and he..." I pushed myself off the bed and stormed out the room. Oh, he was gonna have it now.

"Mr. Cullen, wait."

That fucktard was outside? _Outside?_ How dare he leave me alone in an interview with Vanderlinden. Jasper knew how hostile she had become after I refused to tap that. And not only was he slacking on the job but he had in turn broken the one promise he had made to me twelve years ago. _Fucker._

I walked quickly through the room, ignoring the camera crew and all the other random people scattered around. More times than not I hated fame, I especially hated it when I couldn't get angry when I wanted.

"Mr. Cullen you can't leave the room. Think about the security risks."

Swan sounded out of breath as she half-walked, half-ran after me.

I slammed the main suite door against the wall in my hurry to find Jasper. I looked down the wide corridor, first to the left and then to the right. I couldn't believe what the fuck I saw.

There was Jasper and Emmett leaning against the wall chatting and laughing as if they didn't have a care in the world. Gray was talking on the phone with a cocky smile. Those cocksuckers had to be fucking kidding me.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I was trying to once again not lose my temper.

Emmett and Jasper looked around and saw me standing there, my fists clenched so tightly my knuckles had turned white and I was practically growling. I was so mad, so damn furious, that I couldn't even think straight.

"What the hell are you doing out here?" I spat out.

Jasper made his way towards me. "We had to negotiate some matters, everything is fine."

What could possibly have been more important than protecting my career? I had told him so many times how it was the only thing I had, the only thing that mattered to me in life apart from him and Emmett. How easily he forgot.

Jasper was being cautious, after knowing me for so long he could detect when something was wrong.

"Everything is fine?" I snorted. "Then explain to me why Vanderlinden just asked me if I had my tongue down Maymore's throat?" My voice was rising in volume, but I didn't care who heard our conversation.

"She what?"

"You bloody well heard me!" Jasper exchanged a worried look with Emmett before returning his attention back to me. "Why were you out here and not in there? Why was it that Swan had to interrupt when it was your job to do so?"

"I- I didn't know, Edward. Everything was going on alright before I left, she was sticking to the rules."

"Yes, because she is always so well behaved when she interviews me, isn't she?" I sneered.

"Edward, I'm -" He looked apologetic, but I simply didn't care.

For the first time since I had met Jasper my trust wavered. I had idolised him, but then again who wouldn't? He was everything I had wanted to become. A real man, unlike so many others in my life. I had outgrown my boyish views but still, in someways, held the belief that Jasper was infallible. Until now.

"No. I don't want to hear it." I threw my hands in the air, sick of all this shit. "I'm leaving." I turned to walk away but another hand grabbed my shoulder. I immediately jerked away.

"You can't just leave, you have other interviews scheduled. I know you're pissed off but your duty to the film comes first."

"Do my duty? _My duty? _What was your duty Jasper? What did you tell me when I was twelve, _brother dearest?_" I was no longer shouting, instead my voice had dropped to a menacing whisper that I only found myself using when I felt like the hinges were coming undone.

I was done. I needed to get some fresh air and leave the feeling of betrayal behind. I could hear Emmett calling me but I just ignored it and kept walking towards the lift. I knew he would be upset-- beneath the hulking exterior Emmett was as soft as a marshmallow, and he hated when we fought-- but today I couldn't even find the patience to care.

"Mr. Cullen!" Swan was hurrying after me, but I didn't stop. I was in a bad temper, more so than usual, and didn't want to deal with anyone.

I loosened my tie and unbuttoned my cuff links. I was about to press the button for the lift when I felt two delicate hands grab my forearm. I looked down and then up at Swan with an arched eyebrow. She instantly let go but moved to stand between me and the lift door.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen, but you can't just walk out. There are hundreds of paps out there and I don't want you be assaulted." She had to tilt her head back to see my face. I wasn't about to make her comfortable by stepping back. "If you just wait a minute I'll get my things and drive you home, ok?"

I considered what she said for a second before giving her my assent. I wanted to get the heck out of here and just chill out. Swan quickly left, but she didn't take a minute to grab whatever the fuck she needed, it was more like twenty minutes.

_What in God's name could be taking her so long? _

By the time she came back I was pissed off and irritated. I looked at my watch and then at her, needing nothing further to communicate my displeasure.

"I know, I know. I had to... sort some stuff out."

I was going to ask, but found that I actually really didn't care. We took the lift to the underground garage and I made my way to Swan's Mini Cooper before she told me we were taking Emmett's humongous Hummer. "It has tinted windows and it will throw off the paparazzi." It was quite comical watching Swan attempting to climb in.

We had been on the road for about ten minutes before I switched radio stations. Swan gave me a questioning glance but thankfully refrained from enquiring as to why we were now listening to Bach. I was in no mood to explain why I liked Classical music.

Swan's expression changed from slightly amused to slightly worried. "I noticed this morning that you have no food in your house. Do you want to stop somewhere to get lunch or groceries? I'm sure you must be hungry."

"No. I'll just order in." The last thing I needed was screaming girls and flashing cameras while trying to eat or shop. But her concern was... touching?

"Then do you mind if I stop to grab something? You don't have to get out of the car."

"Whatever."

She parked the car outside a small convenience store, grabbed her purse, and told me to stay put and 'try to not look famous'. Smartass. If I knew how to do that I wouldn't be living in this gilded cage.

Swan returned with some shopping bags and placed them in the boot before climbing her way into the driver's seat again.

The rest of the drive home was spent in companionable silence. No one was better at silence than Swan. She didn't feel the need to fill every second with meaningless chatter and ramble on about inconsequential things,. I appreciated that, people usually talked at me non-stop so silence was a treasured rarity. None of my other PAs understood the word 'quiet', but Swan did. There were actually a lot of things I appreciated about Swan as my personal assistant. Firstly, I was aware that my behaviour could be frequently described as difficult but she dealt with it and didn't whine about it-- definitely appreciated. Secondly, she was always on time, kept all my things neat, very rarely fucked up, got on with Emmett and Jasper, and didn't really get on my nerves-- all very much appreciated. Thirdly, and most importantly, Swan was loyal. Her actions back at hotel proved that, and I was glad she hadn't decided to quit over my moody behaviour. Maybe I could try to control by asshole tendencies and then she wouldn't leave. I didn't know many things, and I was oblivious to many others, but I knew when I had someone who was good at their job working for me, and I would try hard to not mess this up with Swan. I would have to come up with a Be-Nice-To-Swan plan.

As soon as I got home, I made my way upstairs to my room. I immediately selected a playlist; I needed something to work out to so I decided to go for some dance music. I changed into my work out clothes and started doing some crunches. Damned stupid film. After half an hour I switched playlists, opting for Haydn as I stripped down to get in the shower.

Today had definitely not been enjoyable in any way, shape or form. Vanderlinden was a stupid nuisance; the hag didn't understand the damage she could inflict on my career by asking the wrong questions, or maybe she understood perfectly well. Whatever. I was sick and tired of reporters who think they know it all. Please. They are cowards who were so afraid of failure that they prefer to report on something rather than actually do it. But it wasn't Vanderlinden that had me mad, no, it was Jasper and in some ways Emmett, too. They had both made a promise to me: they said they would look out for me, have my back no matter what, but today they had broken that promise. In a way I knew I had over reacted, but I was so sick of being left alone without anyone in my corner. Everyone else had someone to fight their battles with them, it wasn't that I couldn't do things by myself, but it would've been nice to have a person to lean against once in a while, or someone to offer a bit of comfort here and there. For twelve years that's what Jasper and Emmett did for me; they helped in every way imaginable. If not for them, I wouldn't know what I would have done with myself. I would probably be homeless and dying from an overdose in a back alley. But today they had left me, even if it was for only a few minutes... to me it felt like I was twelve again and completely alone. Yes, it was only a stupid interview but it reminded me too much of the past, of being left behind.

Damn it all to hell! I hated self pity. I was not going to wallow in things I could not change, and there was no way I was going to start to sound needy and desperate. I'm a twenty-four year old man fully capable of living his own life without the help of others. If I needed to be an island, then and island I would be. I couldn't expect Em's or Jazz's lives to be centred on me; they both had girlfriends, different friends, and that was fine. I had my career and I knew they would be there for me, maybe not completely but in some way. My problem was that I expected too much from others. Yeah, that was definitely my problem. Tomorrow I would apologize to Jazz but still remind him of how much of a shitty fucker he was for leaving me alone with Vanderlinden.

I turned off the shower and got out, changed into baggy grey sweat pants and my old ratty Rolling Stones t-shirt and made my way downstairs. I was sure there were some take away menus somewhere in the house and if there wasn't, I could always just eat the lemons in the fridge.

I jogged down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen, as I opened the door a wonderful smell hit me before an equally great image made it all clear. Standing by my stove, barefooted, was Swan, stirring something and quietly humming to herself.

I had assumed she had left, like she always did, but here she was in my kitchen cooking.

I slowly walked in and leaned against the counter, just as I had done this morning, and cleared my throat to get her attention.

Swan immediately turned around, a hand going to her heart. "Geeze Louise, you nearly gave me a heart attack."

I tried very hard not to laugh. This morning I had allowed myself a smirk and I was sure she wanted to slap me or stab me with a butter knife. I continued to look at her, not speaking. I usually found that if you didn't talk people were quick to respond to unspoken questions.

"I didn't want you to have to order in, so I thought I would cook you something." She gave me a tight smile before turning around to turn the stove off.

That was pretty nice of her. I was never at home so there was never anything in the fridge, and even if there was, I couldn't cook to save my life. Had I attempted to do so I would've probably ended up giving myself food poisoning.

"Do you like Italian? I only ever see you eat sandwiches so I didn't really know..."

I could tell my silence was making her uncomfortable and perhaps insecure? She was blushing, a lot. Did she always do that? It was kind of adorable.

I decided to stop being a dickhead and answer her. "Love Italian. What did you cook?" I moved to stand near her. "Wow, that's a lot of pans."

She giggled. Aw, that was cute too.

"Um, yeah. I got a bit carried away. I made some dishes you can just reheat whenever you want." She picked up a wooden spoon and started pointing to the different pans in front. "I made some Mac and Cheese. You like that, right?" I nodded "And Pasta Carbonara and a Veggie Lasagna, and Chicken Parmesan. I was going to make cupcakes and maybe even some chocolate chip cookies but I didn't have time or the proper ingredients."

I stared at her incredulously. "That's a lot of food. Were you planning on feeding all of L.A.?" See. I made a joke. I can be nice.

She laughed and ducked to get something from the oven. "Nope, just you." She placed the Chicken Parmesan on the side and started cutting it. "Do you mind setting the table?"

I looked around the kitchen having no idea where anything was. After opening and closing a few cupboards I found what I needed and set the table for two. I was assuming Swan would be eating, and if she wasn't I would tell her, as her employer, that I required her company. I still needed to say thanks and apologize for stuff, and there was no way I could eat all that food by myself.

Swan placed the Chicken Parmesan on the table and served me a huge portion, as well as a mountain of salad.

We sat facing each other in my enormous and bare dining room—God, I hated this house—and began eating. I was instantly in Heaven.

She looked expectantly at me. "Oh. My. God. This is amazing. Where did you learn to cook like this?"

Swan blushed again and looked down at her plate. "My Mum doesn't cook and my Dad would have eaten fish everyday if I didn't step in and my...um... boyfriend is allergic to the kitchen. So, the cooking was always left to me."

I nodded and took another bite—it really was delicious – and watched Swan as she reached for her glass. She looked very beautiful today. The first time I'd met Swan I had thought she was stunning, not in the conventional way, instead her beauty was quiet and delicate. It was unusual to see someone who didn't look fake in Tinsel Town, but I could tell Swan was completely natural. Her hair was actually brown with reddish highlights and her breasts were her own, her nails weren't acrylic, her eyelashes weren't glued on and she didn't have an orange tan. In some ways she looked like a porcelain doll. And for the life of me I couldn't understand why I thought she was so breathtaking; I was usually attracted to leggy blondes with more hair than brains. But Swan had something about her that captivated me, maybe it was her gorgeous brown eyes.

I usually didn't let myself think about her in this way, after all, she was my assistant and there was no way I would become romantically involved with someone who worked for me, especially with someone who I greatly valued as an employee. Even if I did have little fantasies about her underwear.

I sipped my water as we sat in silence. I was about to thank Swan for what she did today when she interrupted my yet unspoken words.

"I love your house. It's very beautiful."

I leaned back against the chair and smirked. "Really?"

She laughed a little and looked me in the eye. "No, not really. I just thought it was the appropriate thing to say. I actually think the house is very cold." I could now add honest to the list.

I chuckled and put my glass down. "I agree. I hate this house, there's too much glass."

"Then why do you live here?"

I shrugged. "It was the first place I saw, well the only one I saw. Jasper said it was the perfect location, so I took it. I'm never home anyway, it doesn't make that much difference."

Swan pushed her plate back and leaned her elbows on the table. "I think you should paint the walls in a bright colour and put some rugs here and there. It would liven things up. Plus, it would make your art work look even better. I love the pieces in the living room. "

"Thanks. They are my favourite too, I was surprised by how well they turned out, usually when I paint at night things don't come out so good."

"_You_ painted them?" She looked surprised. I won't deny it; I was mildly insulted by her reaction.

"Yeah, painting is very relaxing." I looked down and rubbed my neck. I hated when people thought of me as only an actor, not seeing anyone behind the job, and that's exactly what she was doing.

"They're very beautiful." She said, quietly. "I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, you seem like a very creative person. The acting, the singing, playing the piano – it makes sense you paint too."

My head snapped up. "How do you know I sing?" I kept that very private. If anyone caught a whiff of this it would be all over the news and singing was something I did for me. The only thing apart from playing the piano and sleeping that allowed me to truly escape.

And there was the blush again. God, I love when she blushes. "I, er, sometimes hear you in the morning when I wait for you downstairs. Sorry."

"No need to apologize... Actually, I've been meaning to thank you for today, you didn't have to do any of that, and yet you did." She started to protest but I lifted my hand up to stop her. "I just wanted to let you know that I ... appreciate it."

Swan nodded and started to chew on her lip. "I'm sorry I didn't do anything earlier."

"It wasn't your job to do anything."

She started to fiddle with the sleeve of her dress. "I didn't do it because it was my job."

What? What does she mean by that?

"I did it because it was the right thing to do." She had principles... another admirable trait.

We spent the next hour or so talking about random subjects, mainly about my career, past films I did and how I liked being a celebrity, or rather, how I hated it. It was the first time I had ever really talked to Swan and the first time in a very, very long time that a woman had had a real conversation with me. As a rule the women I 'dated' had small vocabularies and their most in-depth question was 'Is you hair naturally like that, or do you use product?'. Stupid bimbos. I guess it was really my fault; I didn't want anything long term and those willing to be sex on a tap were usually air heads. I admit, I use them, but then again they use me too. It was a give and take situation, convenient for both parties, especially when I only ever went on 'dates' with them in my down time. The casual sex gave me more time to concentrate on my career. I could choose when to have it and when to tell them to leave me the hell alone – it worked.

Swan started to clean up the dishes and I helped her, noticing how tiny she was without her high heels on. Adorable.

She washed the dishes and I dried them. We had been talking a lot about my life but I didn't really know anything about her. Did she say she had a boyfriend? I wonder what the guy was like. He must be pretty amazing to get someone like her.

As she passed me a plate I just had to ask. I am a Gemini after all, and we are curious people. "So, what's your boyfriend like?"

Look at that blush. I was starting to get worried. Did she have a medical condition? "Umm, he's nice... sweet."

Sweet? That was it? He sounded lacklustre to me. In my opinion she deserved someone who was extraordinary; there were few people like her and she was entitled to the best. I remember tidbits of information from the barbecue about him-- the boyfriend, I think he was called Jacob?... Oh, that barbecue had definitely been interesting. It was the only time I had slipped and stared at her for more than it was socially acceptable, I'm sure she thought I was a nutter with more money than sense, but she had looked so gorgeous I just couldn't help myself.

We slipped into silence once again. Maybe this was a touchy subject for her.

"I'm sorry I asked. I didn't mean to intrude, I'm sure you want to keep things private." I said as I placed the plate in a random cupboard.

Swan shook her head. "You weren't intruding. I just... don't do well with personal questions. It makes me feel awkward, you know?"

I gave her a quick grin. "I most definitely know what you mean. You saved me from that today, remember?"

She did this tiny little giggle. I think she hadn't meant to laugh but just couldn't help herself. All her reactions were so vivacious and honest; she was so different from all the other women who had stumbled in to my life. Not only because she was sweet and had a list full of other great qualities but also because she maybe cared a little tiny bit about me, even if it was because I was her boss. To me it still counted as something.

After everything was done, she went into the living room to pick up her bag. It was only four but I'd told her she was free to go whenever, she probably had better things to do than spend her entire day with her boss.

Swan re-entered the kitchen and put on her heels that had been tucked under a little bench and walked to the door, managing to trip twice over air. Cute. I followed behind. I'm sure that was the proper thing to do with guests when they were about to leave, right?

She stepped outside and turned back. "Ok, then. Umm, I'm sorry once again for not acting faster at the hotel and thank you for lunch. "

Was she for real?

"No, thank _you_ for lunch and sorry for my behaviour earlier on today."

She smiled and nodded. "Have a good evening, Mr. Cullen." She said as she started descending the drive way.

The Mr. Cullen thing was getting old. "Edward, not Mr. Cullen." It seemed far too rigid and I hope that in the future we could get on better. The formality of using titles would impede that from happening.

Swan looked back and gave me the loveliest smile I had ever seen from her and shouted back "Bella."

I laughed and closed the door. _Bella _was great, no two ways about it.

I stared at the entrance door for a while, somewhat clueless as to what I should do now. I rarely had days off and now I found myself with an entire afternoon of free time.

_Mmm, what to do? _

I cracked my knuckles and rolled my shoulders. I could go and practice on the piano, or I could go into the kitchen and eat something else... definitely the latter. I had to get in as much of Swan's cooking as possible before Jazz came into the house and took all my carbs hostage.

Bella had said she had placed all the dishes she made into the fridge in small containers, each holding enough for one meal. I looked around the kitchen and noticed that Swan had been right; I needed to do something with this place, it really was fucking depressing.

I opened the fridge and just had to laugh. There were ten little containers, one on top of the other, as well as juice, milk, bread, jam, cheese, eggs and bacon. Not only was I going to give Bella a raise but she was going to get a bonus too.

I was about to grab one of the containers when there was a ring on the intercom. I went into the living room and pushed the button. In the little screen in front of me were Emmett and Ham. I pushed the button that opened the electric gates to let them in. Soon after, there was a loud pound on the door.

"Hey dude, I brought Ham the Man." He said as he shoved Ham towards me.

I manoeuvred my arms and hands to hold Ham, but he was so heavy that I instantly had to put him down. That dog is going on a diet. "Oh, thanks Em. Wanna come in? "

"No thanks, man. Rose is waiting for me. Just came to give the dog, get the Hummer and see how you're doing."

I leaned against the door frame. "I'm good. Sorry I over reacted, you know how I am."

Em nodded and slapped my shoulder. I flinched. "Sure do matey. You are our little Drama Queen, after all." Cheeky bastard. "Hey, did Buttons give you shit as well?"

Huh? "No, why would she?"

"Well, she had a huge fat go at us. I thought she was going to punch Jasper in the throat and chop Floyd's balls off. I tried to keep well away; she was not in a mood to be messed with. She went on and on about how horrible we were, I just thought she might have said something to you about what you said to Jazz. "

"Nope, not a thing."

"Well, whatever. Remind me never to get on her bad side. I better get going man, otherwise Rose is gonna throw a fit."

I said goodbye and closed the door.

My shoulders started to shake with laughter. Oh, what I would've done to have seen that. I can't believe Bella told them off like they were little children and basically defended me. Ha! I bet she had them nearly in tears. If she was half as angry as she had been with Vanderlinden she must have been something fierce. Damn she was good.

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**So, what did you all think ? Was it what you expected Edward's mind to be like? I'm guessing the answer is a big NO, lol. But lets keep in mind that Edward is a great actor, he can hide his emotions really well and project something that isn't really there.  
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**For all of you who speak Portuguese and would prefer to read this story in the said language you now can. Ellie-BR has very kindly translated it and the result is great. Its called _Sr Cullen_, so go and check it out.**

**As always, please review and let me know what you think.**

**Thanks for reading.  
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	7. Shoot Me Now

**Disclaimer: SM owns it all, I just like making them go through hoops to get what they want.  
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**BPOV  
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Since when have I become so courageous and bold? Since when have I been able to stand up to bullies?

I couldn't think of one single event in my life where I had acted with guts, not one time when I took charge of a situation. With my past bosses I withstood the inappropriate caresses, butt grabbing and sexual innuendos until I couldn't take it anymore and broke down to Jake. In those instances I would cry for weeks, sometimes months, until I had built up enough courage to hand in my letter of resignation, tell them to their face I was quitting, and then threaten them with a sexual harassment law suit. I guess my doormat tendencies had started in High school, or as I like to called it, 'Hell'. I was bullied for everything; for being short, skinny, freckly, and geeky, for wearing glasses, miss-matched clothes, and squeaky shoes. For having frizzy hair, no friends, and no boyfriend. Since then I have been able to build my self-esteem and confidence; I don't have a problem with my body or my odd quirks, anymore. I have learnt along the way that being 'normal' is boring and being unique is far more interesting. But even with all this knowledge, it's still hard to erase the memory of bullies past and stand up to someone— until today.

The look on Edward's face as I failed to take him away from the interview was too much to bear; I couldn't sit back and let Vanderlinden continue to bully him into answering questions which he was clearly uncomfortable with. Something just snapped in me. I didn't want him to have that defeated look on his face; he looked so tired and miserable, I just couldn't hold the words back. And before I knew it I was in front of a camera using an impolite tone and glaring at a semi-celebrity who I was sure was about to gouge out my eyes with her sharp claws. And the funny thing was that I wasn't scared of what Vanderlinden could or would do, instead I was empowered by my out of character behaviour. Throughout the entire ordeal I wasn't thinking '_Oh God, Oh God. What have I done?_'. Instead I was thinking '_Calm down, don't slap her. Just get him out of here. Don't slap her'._ But that wasn't where it ended; outside Edward had gotten extremely upset with Jasper. I knew Edward had a bad temper but as he confronted Jasper his temper had turned from bad to volatile. I was sure he would have punched Jasper had they not been best friends for over a decade. It was frightening to watch. And yet I couldn't stay away and let him walk out of the hotel and straight into the hungry vultures. I was surprised he had agreed to let me help so quickly but very glad he did so. I re-entered the suite to grab my handbag and maybe have a few choice words with those who'd been in the room and had done nothing. But when I saw Jasper and Gray standing idly, acting as if nothing had happened, my not-so-nice self came out again. I still hadn't gotten back to my usual passive ways, which in this case was good and bad. Good because it meant I could give them a piece of my mind... Bad because, well, I gave them a little piece of my mind.

I cringed as I remembered our exchange. I think I may have used my wide vocabulary for the forces of evil. The conversation went something along the lines of me calling Jasper some very bad names— including some very childish ones like ass-wipe— telling Gray I was going to mess up his manly parts, and in general threatened their manhoods with various forms of castration if they ever, ever left Edward alone or did anything to make him as miserable as he had been a few moments before. This tirade might have gone on for over fifteen minutes...I may not have let them explain anything... I may have over-reacted, a tiny little bit.

Ok, I over-reacted. Big time.

I let my protective side get the better of me and just lashed out. The logical part of my brain had told me that they probably had a good reason for going outside when they did, after all, Jasper was Edward's best friend and he would never do anything to hurt him. Unfortunately, my emotional side took over and told my logical side to go suck it. And because of all this I now found myself standing in pink bunny slippers in the middle of the kitchen baking cookies. So many, in fact, that I was sure I would be able to create an exact duplicate of the Great Wall of China with them. They were apology cookies. I made Jasper Chocolate Chip ones, Gray some Ginger Snaps and even Emmett – who wasn't really involved in the argument—got his favourite; Peanut Butter cookies. I felt bad for being mean and figured it was the best way to wiggle my way back into their good books. Of course, I wouldn't give them their sugary treats until Edward said it was ok, until I was sure he had forgiven them, or at least patched things up.

I placed my latest tray of cookies in the oven and set the timer for exactly twenty minutes. I then got another bowl and started mixing the dry ingredients for the batch of Triple Chocolate Chip muffins I was making for Edward. They were 'Thank You' muffins for finally dropping the asshole façade. I started adding milk but stopped as I heard the front door being opened and then soundly shut.

_Oh, crap. _

I had managed to delay my talk with Jacob by using various tactics. The main one being avoidance; I left before he woke up, I came back after he was asleep, and I pretended to be deep in slumber on the rare occasion I got home before he did. But I knew today was D-Day; that I had to finally face my sexually frustrated, and possibly very hurt, boyfriend.

The more I thought about my relationship with Jacob the more difficult it became for me to imagine getting back in bed with him. It wasn't that I loved him less or that I found him repulsive. Not even close. It was just that, well, when you put something off for so long it just becomes harder to do it. And this was exactly like one of those situations; the more I kept delaying, the harder it got to think about his caresses and kisses without shuddering. Darn.

I wiped my hands on a tea towel and turned around to see Jacob take off his shoes haphazardly and sit down on a stool by the breakfast bar.

After a few minutes of awkward silence I decided to get things rolling.

"Hey." Not the most original start, I know.

Jacob shifted slightly in his seat and leaned his elbows on the counter—not giving me an answer.

I took a deep breath and approached him. "So... how are things?"

"As my girlfriend you should know."

Oh, he was going down this route. Great.

"Jake, you know I've been busy. But, I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately, and I can understand if you are angry with me for neglecting our relationship. I've just been putting all my energy into this job, you know I love it." That was all I was offering. If he didn't reply or kept giving me snarky comments I just wouldn't waste my time on even trying to reason with him. The ball was in his court, as they say.

Jake narrowed his eyes and let out a monster of a sigh. "Fine. I get it, I do. You love your job and you want to be great at it. But I'm not asking for the world here. All I want is to have a few hours each day to talk to my girlfriend, or spend a little time doing what couples do." I knew exactly what he meant by 'what couples do'. "This was never an issue before and you've had some equally demanding jobs in the past. I don't think this is about your job at all. I think this is something else; it's not about how busy your day is but something completely different." Jake lowered his eyes to the counter. "Have you noticed we haven't made love in over two months?"

Of course I noticed, and if I had my way we would continue _sans _sex indefinitely. I was just so tired lately doing everything and anything to keep Edward's life in order that I simply didn't have the energy to fake an orgasm convincingly, and I really didn't have the energy to be prodded and rammed into for a few minutes just to satisfy him. I guess I really was a horrible girlfriend, after all women do it all the time, and they do it because they don't want to hurt their partner's feelings by telling them how they suck at having sex, right? This really was a low point for me; I couldn't bring myself to give a few '_Oh my Gods_' and _Y'eah,Yeahs' _to make the man, who I have been with for five years, happy. Yep, I have some pretty big problems.

I didn't respond to his question. There was no answer I could give. I couldn't tell him he didn't do it for me sexually, or that the idea of having sex with him again always made me cringe. How do you say that but in a nice and caring way to a person who loves you and has supported you for years? You don't, you can't. So, instead of an answer I gave him silence and an apologetic look.

Jake got up and took my hand, leading me to the sofa.

"Bella, talk to me. You know I love you and whatever it is we can get through it. But you have to tell me what's going on because I can't survive like this for much longer." Men are so dramatic when it comes to sex.

I fidgeted with my sleeve, not wanting to meet his sad eyes. "It's nothing Jake. I've just been tired. " I knew he wouldn't buy it, but it was worth a shot. I really didn't want to hurt his feelings anymore than I had already done.

"Hey, look at me." He put his finger underneath my chin and tilted my face to his. "What is it? Did I do something?" I shook my head. "Come on, Bells. You have to tell me. You have no idea how well acquainted I have become with my right hand, it's getting uncomfortable now. I'm even thinking of giving it a name."

I gave Jake a small smile and he chuckled before sobering up again and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Sweetheart, what's the problem?"

Should I tell him? Of course I should. I owed him that much. He had been my rock for five years, and even though I was pretty sure I wasn't _in_ love with him, I still loved him, meaning that I owed him the truth but not the entire truth... that would break his heart.

I bit my lip and began in a whisper. "I- I just never feel up to it... I think it's because we've been together for as long we have." I didn't tell him I had always felt like this, even two months into our relationship.

"So... it's just a low sex drive? There's nothing more?"

For his sake that's where I stopped. I was not about to tell him all the things that were wrong with our sex life, much less in our relationship.

"Yes, that's it." I kept my eyes down. My lying skills were dreadful at best and had I looked into his eyes in that second I knew he would be able to tell I was hiding something.

"Ok, I think we can work this out. We just need to get our spark back." What spark? There's never been a spark. "What about we go on some exciting dates? And then when you feel up to it we can try some more... adventurous techniques in the bedroom... to spice things up. How about it, Bells?"

_Ugh_. The answer I really wanted to give was: No, no, no. If normal was already bad imagine what 'adventurous techniques' would be like. Instead the answer I gave was a defeated 'yes'.

"Great." Jake leaned in and kissed me on the lips before getting up and stretching. "I'm gonna have a shower. Want to join me?"

At that exact moment the timer went off. S_aved by the Bell. Thank God._

I got up and rushed into the kitchen. "Sorry, the cookies need my attention. You go right ahead and I'll get dinner ready." Thankfully, he didn't push the issue.

I removed the cookies from the oven and placed them on the cooling tray and started to wonder what I was going to do with this relationship.

Part of me reasoned that it was better to end it now, let him go to a woman who deserved him and would appreciate him. But the other part of me reasoned that it would hurt Jake too much and I simply couldn't put him through that much pain. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. I guess I could give it another try, see if things could improve. I didn't want to try it, but Jake was my friend, my boyfriend, and technically, my lover. He deserved for me to give it another shot.

After I finished the cookies and muffins I prepared dinner, ate dinner, cleaned up, had a shower, did some work, changed for bed, and pretended to be asleep before Jake got into bed.

This was no use. I would never look forward to being intimate with him, and even though I continuously tried to delude myself that sex wasn't integral to a relationship, I knew I was wrong.

I would go on _one_ date. I would try to be intimate o_ne_ more time. If it didn't work I was breaking it off. Jake would thank me... someday.

XXX

In the morning I got my things together and left the apartment before Jake was even out of bed. I was looking forward to today for two reasons. Firstly, I would get to spend the day with Edward and not Mr. Cullen; after yesterday I was sure that things would only get better and not worse. And secondly, today Edward had a _Vanity Fair_ photo shoot scheduled.

After nearly forty-five minutes stuck in traffic, I decided that there was no way I could get to Edward's in time to wake him up and then make my way to the location where the photo shoot was going to be held. I called Edward's phone in a futile attempt to wake him, I knew Edward would just sleep through it, but I was hoping that if I just kept ringing some noise would seep into his subconscious and he would wake up.

On the third ring someone surprisingly picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Who's this?" I instantly recognised Edward's voice but there was a hard edge to it. What could possibly have happened to make him angry this early in the morning? If Jasper did something...

"It's Bella. Are you ok?"

"Oh, hey." His voice brightened, and my stomach did a little flip. Silly me. "Yeah, I'm fine. Your number turned up as private so I figured it was either a crazy fan or the media."

"Ahh, I see." It explained the harsh voice. "Well, I just called to try to wake you up but obviously you are already awake."

I could hear him chuckling at the other end of the phone. "Yeah, Jasper came over for breakfast. I have to say, I now appreciate your tactics to get me out of bed much more; you never poured water on me."

I started laughing. "It never crossed my mind..."

He laughed again. "I'm sure it didn't."

I was glad he was laughing. And it seemed Jasper would be getting his cookies; if he was over for breakfast it meant he and Edward had sorted things out.

"I also wanted to call to let you know that traffic is nuts and I won't be able to make to yours. Will it be ok if I just make my way to the photo shoot location?"

"Yeah, that's fine. We're just leaving now so I'll see you there soon."

"Great. Goodbye Edward."

"Bye, Bella."

The photo shoot was going to take place in a beautiful stately home. It was one of those mansions you could picture in a Jane Austen adaptation film, complete with surrounding woods, lake and swimming pool. I could definitely see why they had chosen this for Edward's cover shoot; the place was stunning.

I drove to the gates and was let in and directed to Edward's dressing room. I juggled the many boxes of cookies and muffins as well as all the other things required to keep Edward's life in order, but was able to make it without smashing my face on the floor or breaking a bone. Already a great start to the day.

Edward's dressing room was situated on the ground floor of the house. It was a living room with breathtaking views of the mature gardens. The decor was turn of the century, with pale yellow walls and golden accents. If I ever won the Lottery I would buy a house just like this one. Every piece of furniture— from the plush sofas to the velvet curtains— was infused with a sense of history and endlessly elegant. I always was a sucker for beauty—never could resist it. So, I made my way around the room touching every surface and caressing every material, dreaming that someday—maybe in a future life time—I could own something so exquisite.

After ten minutes of snooping and touching things I really shouldn't have touched, I sat down and was immediately overtaken with a small wave of uneasiness. Mainly because I would have to face Jasper and Gray after our blow up and I didn't know if things between us would be awkward, but also because I wondered how I would act around Edward now that there wasn't any real animosity between us. In the past we didn't speak much so there was no way I could say something foolish like 'You're pretty' or 'I love your hair. Can I touch it?' But now such things were a possibility. I have been known to frequently put my foot in my mouth and I would be mortified if anything idiotic slipped out. Without the mild hatred to keep my fantasies in, I dreaded to think of all the embarrassing situations I would get myself into.

However, anxiety was rapidly replaced by curiosity once again. In the corner there was a small bookshelf. Another thing I couldn't resist: books. By the time I heard giggles and mumblings from outside the door, I was well into _Villette_ by Charlotte Brontë. It was one of her less well-known works, but in my opinion her best.

I continued to hold the book as the door opened and Edward, Jasper, and Emmett entered the room... followed by another bout of nerves.

"I swear if those girls are on set when I come out I will refuse to take a single shot. Bella, tell Jazz to get rid of them, right now." Edward had gracefully plopped himself down on the sofa, already giving me tasks without even a simple 'Good morning'. Typical. I inwardly sighed with relief; things were going to be fine.

"Edward, I can't tell them to leave; they are part of _Vanity_'s team, not some crazy fans." Jasper's eyes looked around the room. When he saw me in the corner his eyes quickly lowered to the floor and he shoved his hands in his pocket—making him appear like a little boy and making me feel ten times guiltier.

"Then explain to me why they asked for my autograph and giggled? They freaking giggled, Jazz!"

Jasper rolled his eyes and took a seat opposite Edward and was joined by Emmett, who responded to the question with a dismissive hand gesture. "They giggled because you're a pretty princess. I should think that by now you would be used to it."

Edward mumbled something incoherent and turned his attention to me. "Hey, what are you reading?"

I looked at the cover even though I knew perfectly well what I had been reading. "_Villette,_" I said, as I approached the sofa and took a seat next to Edward. It wasn't the best place to sit because it meant I was face-to-face with Jasper and Emmett.

"By one of the Brontë sisters, right?" I nodded. "I think I read that one in Japan. It was good."

I gave Edward a small smile, not because he had read one of my all time favourites but because he had initiated a conversation, which was a first.

Emmett was staring at me, grinning like a fool.

I arched an eyebrow and he burst into laughter. "Sorry Buttons, but you totally rock my socks right off."

I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just smiled. Was I meant to smile?

"I would never have thought that there was a tigress behind the kitten exterior."

I was mortified and began to bite my lip.

"Em, shut up." Jasper got up and adjusted his button down shirt. "I think we should get started. Emmett go look around the perimeter of the set. Edward get into the makeup chair, somebody should be here soon to brighten up you sour mug. Bella... um... do whatever you want." Jasper started shuffling his feet towards the door.

"Wait." I reached for one of the boxes on top of a table nearby and silently handed it him.

Jasper opened it and raised both eyebrows in question.

Now it was my turn to shuffle my feet. "I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday; my brain wasn't working to its full capacity."

Jazz took one of the cookies from the box and started munching. "Oh. My. God. It tastes so good," He said, with his mouth full.

I laughed. I guess I was forgiven.

"What? He gets cookies for being a shit-head and I get nothing? Even though I was a complete angel yesterday?" Emmett looked annoyed and was eyeing the box like he might just do a grab and run.

"No. Because you were an absolute angel you get your own special box."

Emmett started jumping. He really was just like a child.

"No way! Peanut Butter? That is awesome Bella." He gave me a super tight hug, only letting go when Edward punched him in the arm.

"Em, you need to work on your hugging skills." I chuckled and then picked up the muffin box and gave it to Edward. His eyes lit up.

He didn't say anything but gave me a devastating smile as he opened the box and grabbed one of the muffins—ready to eradicate it.

"Edward, no carbs..."

I shot Jasper a nasty look and he quickly shut his mouth. Just because I felt guilty about what happened yesterday, it didn't mean I was going to let him deprive Edward of chocolate.

After our rather unusual way of apologizing we went our separate ways. Jasper pulled an unwilling Edward to the makeup section, and Emmett was getting ready to leave.

"Make sure you look in the bushes near the swimming pool; that would be the perfect place for them to hide." Jasper reminded while flipping through some papers.

Em seemed deeply insulted. "Jazz, I've been his body guard for four years and I was a policeman for two. I think I may know how to do my job."

I ignore them and resumed my seat, starting to answer all of Edward's emails. It was amazing how many crazy fans were able to get his personal contacts. I usually deleted the majority, they were mainly marriage proposals, but there were some that were so ridiculously funny that they deserved to be answered.

I was typing my reply to some nutty girl who wanted to know if Edward would send her his underwear so that she could dress up her blow-up doll, when Edward's voice started rising in volume. He was irritated.

"Jasper what did you do?" I asked without taking my eyes way from my PDA. Children. They were like Children.

"He's being a diva again." He answered, and then in a quieter voice—clearly speaking to Edward— he said something that truly shocked me. "It's only an inch. What's the big fuss? The photos would turn out so much better if you didn't have hair in your eyes."

_He wants to cut his hair?_ I gasped and was immediately out of my seat. "Don't you dare touch his hair! It's beautiful the way it is. If I see one lock of copper hair on the floor you will suffer pain. Understood?"

Jasper nodded and was clearly trying to fight a smirk.

Did I just have an outburst about Edward's hair?_ Shoot me._ I stated –practically screamed—that his hair was beautiful. I knew this would happen. I just knew it.

I couldn't even look at Edward so I just sat down and hid my face behind a curtain of hair—willing myself to wake up from this embarrassing nightmare.

There wasn't much commotion after that. Edward had his makeup and hair done, followed by wardrobe and then a quick chat with the photographer.

The day was extremely long. I lost count of how many outfit changes Edward went through. But after watching from the side lines I could definitely understand why they had chosen the theme they had-- it was straight forward, just dressing him according to the seasons. For autumn they had Edward walking through the woods, he was dressed in simple brown clothes, all relaxed and messy. They had sprayed some of the leaves in a reddish- brown colour which accentuated his hair perfectly. Unbelievably gorgeous. For winter he was sitting on a bench near the lake, his dazzling face reflected on the water, his outfit was once again simple; jeans and a white button down shirt, accessorized with a large green scarf. His eyes looked beautiful. The set up for Spring had Edward leaning against ancient-looking concrete railings looking out at the grounds. It was hard to look away when his face was in profile; his eyes were unfocused and he had this dreamy look on his face—the photographer had a field day. But the pièce de résistance was the Summer set up. I nearly choked on my tongue when he came out of the dressing room. He was wearing surfing shorts and flip flops, his chest was bare and he was all greasy. I think I drooled a bit. Then they had him in the swimming pool. I drooled some more.

By the end of the day I was dehydrated from all the drooling and other reactions in my nether regions. But damn me if it wasn't worth it.

"Bella, can you pass me the towel please?" I passed Edward the towel and sat back down on the sofa and waited for him to be ready.

We were now back in the dressing room and Edward was drying his hair after washing away all the baby oil they had spread all over him. When I'd been told the makeup girl had touched his chest I wanted to hunt her down and chop off her hands. Ridiculous reaction, I know. But I guess I didn't just feel protective over him, I felt possessive too, which was an absurd feeling to have. He was just my boss and nothing more. But I couldn't deny that I felt incredibly attracted to him. Ugh. The little fantasies I had about him before were nothing compared to the ones I had now; the ones I had now were so improper I embarrassed myself with my dirty thoughts.

After the photo shoot had finished both Emmett and Jasper left in a hurry; they had a double date and were already late. Edward and I teased them relentlessly for being forced to go on a double date. We might have made smooching noises like five year olds to annoy them.

"Finished yet?"

"Yep." Edward chucked the towel over a random chair but instead of making his way to the door, he sprawled himself next to me. "But can we just relax for a bit? I know standing in front of a camera isn't the most tiring thing in the world, but it's been a really long day."

Edward closed his eyes and leaned his head against the sofa. After watching him for a stupid amount of time I decided to stop being a ninny and busied myself with reading.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I answered, still reading.

"Do you really think my hair is beautiful?"

My head quickly snapped up and I looked at him with wide eyes, a blush covering my face and neck.

He had his crooked smile in place— the one that make me forget my own name and made me even more dehydrated—waiting for an answer.

I ducked my head a little. "Yeah, it's...nice." Edward got this tiny little crease in between his brows, so I had to amend myself because I hadn't been totally truthful. "Ok, it's absolutely stunning. There. Happy?"

I was expecting him to say something like 'Yeah, I am' or something sarcastic but instead he leaned forward and picked up a strand of my hair and twirled it around his finger.

"I think your hair is gorgeous too. Is the colour natural?"

His touch left me breathless. I had to focus really hard to put words into a comprehendible sentence. "Erm, yeah." _Smooth._

Edward laced his fingers through my hair and shifted closer. He started stroking it slowly, leaving me with goosebumps every time his hand accidently brushed against my neck.

"Strawberry?"

I tried to answer, I really did. But I just couldn't; there wasn't one single thought in my head. The only thing that was swimming in all the free space in my brain was 'Oh God, his hands are heaven.' It was incredible how with one simple touch he had turned my mind to mush and had my nerves buzzing. My body's reaction to his fingers was startling and I didn't even want to contemplate what it meant. So, I just sat there watching him as he watched his hand weave in and out of my hair.

It seemed like hours that we sat there doing nothing but me staring and him stroking, until he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and got up.

"We should get going, otherwise traffic is going to be insane." He had this amazing look in his eyes as he offered me his hand to help me up.

I accepted his hand and gently squeezed it.

We were silent until we got to my car, but this wasn't a comfortable silence. There was an energy vibrating between us that made the silence tense, but not in a bad way. It was more like an anticipating energy, like we knew something was going to happen and we were just waiting for something to crack. It was... incredible... one of a kind.

"So, did you enjoy your day?" Edward asked as he opened the door for me. His voice was huskier than usual and I swear I saw stars just by hearing his voice that way.

_ Oh crap. I need to get a grip. Now._

I took a deep breath and shook my head, trying to clear all those sparkling stars away. "It was very ... interesting." _Ugh._ Interesting? _Really? _Was that the best way to describe seeing him without a shirt?

Edward smirked. "Yeah, interesting is the right word. Did you notice how you were staring at my chest throughout the entire Summer shoot? Isn't that interesting?"

My mouth dropped. I was speechless and gawking. _He did not just say that._

"Ok, then. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow. Have a nice evening, Bella." And then he did something that was sure to make my poor heart explode; he leaned in and sniffed my hair. He _sniffed me._ "Mmm, definitely strawberry."

I was wrong. It didn't make my heart explode but it did make me collapse into my car seat and stay there until my phone began ringing and interrupted my Edward Cullen induced stupor.

_Shite_. I was in trouble.

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**So, what did you think? Like it ? Dislike it? Bad Bella? Good Bella? All comments are welcomed.**

** I just wanted to point out that the last sentence is Bella reacting to what happened with Edward not a reaction to the phone call she got. It wasn't meant to be a cliffie in any way. **

**Leave a review if you want and thanks for reading!  
**


	8. Under The Covers

**Quick note: Honey Ryder is considered to be the first real bond girl. The scene where Ursula Andress (who plays Ryder) emerges from the ocean wearing a white bikini is thought to be one of the sexiest scenes in cinematic history.  
**

**I hope you guys like this chapter. EPOV.**

**Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine but I wish Edward was. (Even though I would settle for Emmett)**

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Twelve fucking hours and twenty-two fucking minutes, that's exactly how long I've been puking my guts out for.

I had gotten home after an exhausting day, ready to relax and enjoy my precious free time, when I suddenly got that feeling you get when something's not right, and yet you can't say what's wrong. It took me about five minutes to figure out what was wrong, and since then I hadn't left the cold floor of the upstairs bathroom.

I watched the clock tick away the seconds, staying curled up on the floor for a bit longer until I was sure my stomach was done torturing me, or at least had taken a time out. Sometime after 6:00 am I stumbled across the bathroom to the sink and rinsed my mouth before fumbling with my clothes and getting some pyjama bottoms on. By the end I was beat; I didn't even have the energy to put on a t-shirt or walk to the bed, so crawling became the next best thing.

My eyes were droopy and I was so fucking tired I couldn't even raise my arms to get under the covers, but I couldn't sleep. My eyes lids were shut but I was fully awake, maybe it was because it still felt like someone was punching me— in the gut, chest, head, arms, and legs— repeatedly. The pain was lessening but it was still there, and it was the only thing my brain could focus on, which obviously made it all the fucking worse. So, I decided to think of something far more pleasant and completely unrelated to disgusting body reactions as I lay on the bed face down. I thought of Bella.

Without a doubt I had experienced my first moment of madness yesterday—in a good way, that is.

It all started with the beautiful hair comment. It was then I realized Bella saw me as every other woman had done in my adult life; she saw me as sexy. _Pfft._ Then her actions throughout the day just confirmed my suspicions. Every time I came out of the dressing room she had a dreamy smile on her face, it was the same smile she had as she watched me in shot after shot. But what made me abso-fucking-lutely sure was how her eyes caressed my bare chest, only leaving it to glance at my lips or arms. So, I decided to go all out and dive into the pool. It hadn't been asked of me but I just couldn't help myself, I really wanted to see her reaction. As I came up for air, I did my best Honey Ryder impression and sure enough Bella's eyes nearly popped out, she looked like she was going to pass out, and of course, her nipples became the best indicators to what was going on in her mind. I liked what they taught me.

Knowledge is power, at least according to Francis Bacon, and I completely agree. What happened in the dressing room at the end of the day was a demonstration of how I planned to use my newly acquired knowledge. It didn't mean I didn't feel _slightly _guilty because I teased her, but Bella was so adorable when she blushed, and she looked so doable when she squirmed, that I just had to do it. Plus, all the teasing and flirting was a lot of fun and I knew she had enjoyed it, too. It would make for some great times together; definitely brighten up my everyday routine, and anyway, I was sure I couldn't keep my hands away. Bella was sexy, fun, stunning, could totally be a bad ass, smelt delicious, and was a great cook. It all made me come to the conclusion that I wanted her around. And what Edward Cullen wants, Edward Cullen gets... or so everyone keeps telling me. Oh yeah, and she made Edward Jr. happy as sunshine and puppies. Fuck the I-Never-Touch-Employees-Especially-If-I-Value-Them policy. Bella would be the exception, and a darn good one at that.

I took a deep breath and let it out, testing my body. The distraction had worked; I felt a little better than before, and decided I could now get under the covers. I tried to move slowly so not to disturb the sleeping monster in my stomach, but I didn't have enough energy to get up and turn down the duvet. I had to just lay there with my face muffled in my pillow, waiting for Bella to come and help me with the damn covers.

As soon as I finished the thought I heard the clicking of heels, followed by Michael Bublé singing about how he felt good. I wanted to strangle him, I didn't feel fucking good right now and his voice was making my head feel like Satan's shit pot.

I let out an involuntary grunt. Damn, the noise hurt.

"Edward, wake up."

I tried to get away from the blaring music and Bella's loud voice by ducking my head under my pillow, but I couldn't move my neck up. I was exhausted.

"Edward?"

When the hell had Bella's voice become so bloody loud? I made a noise between a sob— Yes, I was verging on tears; my head felt as if it was going to explode any second now— and a curse.

"Edward, are you ok?"

"No." My voice wasn't working properly; it came out all quiet and shaky. I would be surprised if Bella heard me.

But she must have done because Bublé suddenly shut his gob and all was quiet again; my head didn't feel like a nuclear testing site anymore.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was really near and still too darn loud.

"Shhh." I opened one eye to see where the voice was coming from. I was surprised to find Bella's brown eyes very close to my face; she was probably kneeling down on the side of my bed. "Don't feel well. Head hurts. Whisper?" I closed my open eye because it was starting to get bright in the room and it was making me suffer.

"Is it just your head?" Her voice was soft and hushed. Perfect.

"No," I answered. "I can't move. Too bright." I didn't sound like an idiot _at all_.

I felt her shift and heard the curtains being drawn. Thank God.

"Edward, I think you need to see a doctor." I made a negative sound. "It could be serious." I didn't respond. "Please?" Bella's voice was starting to sound really worried and even though I couldn't see her face, I knew she was probably biting her lip.

"Just... something I ate."

Bella sighed beside my bed. "At least take some painkillers for the headache. Where do you keep them?"

"No medication." There was no way in hell I would take any painkillers or any form of medication. I was well aware the affect they had on me.

"You're being difficult." She sounded annoyed and her voice rose in volume, but it became immediately gentle when she noticed how I flinched at the sound. "Are you sure it's just a bout of food poisoning?" Sure as I could be without a medical degree. I grunted in the positive.

"Ok then, I won't insist on taking you to hospital, but if it continues or gets worse I will make you go, ok?"

"Uh-huh." There was no way I was going to move from this spot.

"I'm going outside to reschedule your meetings this afternoon and let Jasper know what's going on. I'll be right outside and I'll leave the door open, just yell ... you can't really yell, can you? Umm, well, just grunt really loudly if you need anything."

I could hear quiet, distant mumblings and after ten minutes Bella returned to my side.

"The meetings have been rescheduled for later on the week, six new scripts have arrived for you to read, and Jasper will be over after five. Oh, and I'll order some soup when you feel like eating."

How can someone be so nice and sweet? Sure she had to take care of my meeting and scripts but she didn't have to order me soup. This wasn't the PA doing her job; this was Bella being a good person.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

It was quiet for a few minutes, making my brain focus on the pain again and in turn making me feel like shit. I must have made a whimpy noise because I felt Bella come even closer.

"How can I make you feel good?" My eye popped open. Holy cow, she did not just say that! But if she did, I could think of one hundred different ways she could make me feel good. "Jesus." Her skin was delightfully tinged with pink. "What I mean is... oh God...Is there something I could do that would make you more comfortable?" Party pooper.

"Help me with the covers?"

I tried to move a bit to my side as Bella tugged on the duvet, but it didn't really work; I was lying right in the middle of the bed so the covers wouldn't budge with my heavy ass-self on top. Bella tried the other side, but nothing happened. She then lifted my arm and tried to physically push me to the right so she could get one of the corners free. That shit hurt, but still nothing happened.

I heard Bella let out a little ,and with great effort opened both eyes to see what was going on. Bella was standing on my left with the cutest frown on her face, analysing the situation.

She then disappeared as she went around to the right again and before I knew it, she pulled the covers from under me so fucking hard that I fell on the damn floor.

"Ow. Ow, ow." Oh, it hurt. It hurt. I was sure every bone in my body was now broken, and it felt like someone was playing the drums in my head... I just wanted to decapitate myself, it would have hurt less.

"Oh, sh- " Bella ran across the room and knelt down beside me. "I'm so so sorry, I just tried to move the... and then you... and I..." She started laughing quietly.

What the fucking Hell?

I frowned at her because. I was still sprawled on the floor, feeling like a sack of shit, and she was laughing at me. "Not funny. I'm in pain," I whimpered a little. _Yep, there goes all of my manly ways._

She nodded but was still trying to hold back her chuckles. I narrowed my eyes at her. "Bella, you're laughing at a sick man." It was meant to be an accusation, but the damn woman just nodded again. Did I say she was nice? I think I meant horrible!

"I can't help it, it was great slapstick comedy." She patted my hand. "I'm sorry, really. Now let's get you up on the bed and see if we can avoid a repeat performance." Ha, ha. She's hilarious.

Somehow Bella contorted my body so she was taking on all of my weight and dumped me on the bed; she had already arranged the bedding so I could slip under easily. Everything was going fine until she had to lift my legs on to the bed, I did try to help but I just didn't have the strength to fully cooperate. Bella lifted both my legs with great difficulty before tripping over her own feet and ending up a pile of giggles and snorts by my feet. I didn't even care if her blush was cute or any of that crap, she was making my head feel worse.

"Giggling? Really? You do know my head can't take it?" I don't care if I sounded grumpy. I'm allowed to be grumpy; I'm a man who never gets ill, and damn it, when I do get ill I'm gonna milk it. I will be whiny and whimpy and act like a two-year-old again. There's no shame in that.

I was now lying on my back, nice and cosy under the duvet. _That didn't take long at all._ I contemplated rolling my eyes but decided against-- I didn't know how much pain it could inflict.

"Sorry, sorry. Is your head still bothering you?"

"Yes, it hurts like fu...fudge." I know I have a filthy mind but I do try to keep my language clean around women. At least until we got to the bedroom and got freaky; then it turned grubby, soiled, stained, mucky and all other kinds of dirty. It's great.

Bella shifted slightly from where she was sitting. "Please take some painkillers; it would really alleviate the pain."

"Painkillers are addictive and I have an addictive personality. Not a good match." I don't think 'addictive personality' actually covers it; anything able to give me a high and I'm instantly hooked. Pot, heroine, stealing, smoking, drinking, driving fast, sex, and performing: At one point or another I was addicted to them all. Some were easy to deal with, like sex; a few whacks in the shower and I'm good. Some were great addictions to have, like the love of being in front of a camera. Others nearly destroyed me and took years to combat. And after freeing myself from co-dependency I really didn't want to dive in and start any new shit with painkillers. I would just deal with the pain. No biggie.

I guess my answer startled Bella because her eyes— which were watching my chest rise and fall— snapped to my face. "Oh, I see." She began biting her lip in her usual way. "Do- do you mind if I try something then?"

"Sure." Anything that was going to make the pain go away was fine with me.

Bella got up from the bottom of the bed and arranged herself in to a half sitting position next to me. She put a couple of pillows behind her back and stretched out her legs in front of her before she tugging on my pillow so my head was near her thigh.

I had no idea what she was going to do, maybe start chanting? But Bella didn't make a sound. Instead she looked as if she was torn, unsure of what to do. I didn't know why she'd moved my pillow closer, but I was eager to find out.

She stared into my eyes and slowly I felt her soft hands on my head. Her fingers were gentle as they caressed my scalp and messaged my temples. My eye lids fluttered shut at the sensation. It felt so damn good, every touch making my skin burst into goosebumps.

"Is... this ok?"

Her voice was just like her fingers; smooth and warm, underlined with a tenderness I had never felt or heard before. Aunt Esme always fussed over me, she was caring and wonderful but all the affection she showed was what a mother gives a child, not what a lover gives another. The women I banged were just a quick fuck; there was no closeness, not even friendship. Nothing of what a real lover gives another. This affection Bella was now bestowing me with was so intensely intimate, interlaced with friendship, that it had me reeling. It was what I imagined lovers felt for each other. Never in my life had I been touched as I was being touched now, and it felt good.

"It's great." Understatement of the friggin millennium.

As she tunnelled her fingers through my hair once again I lost my grip on reality and fell asleep.

XXX

I was awakened by a buzzing noise near my ear and a series of heated mumblings.

I was not a morning person. To me sleep should never be interrupted, and I usually hated Bella for a brief moment every time she took me away from my sleep induced sanctuary. But I didn't get annoyed now, I was too comfortable for that.

"Oh, dang. I'm sorry, I'll stay still."

"Mmm." I couldn't be coherent even if I tried. I rubbed my right cheek on my pillow and groggily opened my eyes.

The colour was all wrong; my pillows were usually beige and I was sure my comforter was brown the last time I checked. The material beneath my cheek was lavender, certainly not something the interior designer would have chosen for a bachelor pad.

I frowned and picked up the material, rubbing it between my thumb and forefinger. _Soft._

"Um, it's Cashmere."

Had I said 'soft' out loud? Damn it, mornings always broke down my filter. Not good.

I looked up to see Bella's eyes on my face; they shifted slightly to the left before returning to me with a smile.

I followed the path her eyes had made. My arm was thrown across Bella's thighs, my head was no longer on my pillow but rather in her lap, and my left leg was now in between both of hers.

My gaze lingered for a few more seconds before connecting everything up. _Holy shit._ I was going to quickly remove my leg to a more appropriate place— a place that wouldn't get me slapped— until I also realised that Bella would have pushed me off her before now if I had intruded on her personal space. Plus, she was still petting my hair. It was all good.

I returned my gaze to her beautiful brown eyes. "What time is it?"

"Just a little bit before eleven," she answered with a timid smile. "Are you hungry? Are you feeling better? Do you want to do something? Read the scripts?"

I returned my leg and arm to their rightful places— they had fallen asleep – and chuckled. "No. Yes. No. Maybe."

Bella scratched me behind my ear, making me sigh. "Maybe?"

"Yeah. Were any of the scripts good?"

I had been waiting for nearly a year for this one script. It was the Holy Grail of scripts; it was gritty, honest, so fucking depressing and unbelievably accurate. They had already cast Daniel Day-Lewis, Sean Penn, Robert Downey Jr., Ryan Gosling, Hillary Swank, Meryl Streep and Penelope Cruz. And that was just the _supporting_ cast. Not only that, but the film was being directed by the Coen Brothers. Yeah, this project was _that_ amazing. The lead role was for a young male, between the ages of twenty and twenty-five, tall, who could portray a recovering drug addict convincingly. I'm male, twenty-four, I'm over six foot, and I can definitely portray a recovering druggie. Not only did I fit the criteria but I also had twelve past projects to show for. They had all done incredibly well at the box office and were hits with the critics, not to mention the numerous accolades they had won. It should be easy with my credential and status in Hollywood to get this role, right? Fucking wrong.

The asshole producers decided they wanted to search high and low for the actor to fulfil the role. I even had to audition. I have _never_ auditioned for a single one of the films I had made. Never. And yet, I had stood in front of a camera sixteen times and read numerous lines just for this one project. Jasper and Gray had been doing absolutely everything to get my name on this. Jazz had even left me alone in an interview with Vanderbitch to secure my spot on the next round of auditions. Ass-wipe didn't feel like sharing this information at the time, just let me have my go and calm down before quietly telling me all about it. Dickhead.

"I wouldn't know; they are still in the sealed envelopes."

I nodded and stretched the tiniest bit, making sure my small movements didn't disrupt Bella's scratching. "Anything new happen in the world while I was asleep?"

Bella continued stroking my hair. "I don't know, I've just been sitting here and -" A phone buzzed again and I swear I head Bella mutter something along the lines of 'Dimwit can't take a hint'.

She moved to grab her phone. I could see she was flustered as she looked at the name on the screen. "I'm sorry. I'll just turn it off."

This was very interesting; what or who could possibly make her so jumpy? I wanted to find out. "Go right ahead. Take it." Yep, I was a nosy fucker.

"Ok." Bella took her plump lower lip between her teeth and flipped open her phone.

She surprised me by answering the phone call right there. I'd thought she might go outside, but I was glad she stayed. I wanted to listen to the conversation. I know, you shouldn't eavesdrop but I never got the memo, so whatever.

"Hey Jake."

Oh, it was the boyfriend.

"Er, I don't know... Maybe. Can't we talk about this later?" I had noticed how Bella liked to keep her hands busy when she was nervous or uncomfortable. Usually it was her sleeve or the hem of a t-shit that she fidgeted with, now it was my hair, and it was glorious. "Umm, that's fine. I can do Friday... Bye."

The conversation was short but it wasn't sweet. At first she had sounded annoyed, irritated by the man at the other end of the line, but then the way she said goodbye had sounded low, like she didn't have any more fight in her. I didn't like it.

"Is everything alright?"

"Huh?" Her sad gaze turned to me. "Um, yeah. Everything is fine."

Fine never meant fine. I could see whatever that was about had upset her, and I decided I didn't like Bella upset or annoyed, or whatever the dimwit had made her. It was already enough that I had a life full of pain and disappointment, the thought of those closest to me feeling hurt wasn't something I wanted.

What Bella needed was a distraction. Distractions were essential to blocking unwanted memories or emotions, like the ones she was having now. If you had enough of them things were easier, events appeared less hurtful, and you could forget that somewhere out there people who were meant to love you didn't. Distractions were literally life savers.

"Want to watch TV?" It was the best I could come up with.

"Sure. What channel?" Her voice was all wrong; the warmth had been covered by sadness. Why did the shithead have to make her feel like that?

I took a deep breath. "E!"

This was not going to turn out well; they always got things wrong and that pissed me off to the nth degree, but they also got things right and I saw red then. How fucking dare they talk about my personal life! But it was what Bella needed; she needed to laugh at her boss being made a fool of on TV. Plus, any other channel would have gushy things on, like Oprah... Bella didn't need to think about a woman who had lost all her children to a horrible disease, and I was sure she would be uncomfortable if Oprah started discussing the ins and outs of the female orgasm, especially with my head still in her lap.

"Really?"

"Yes, I want to know what's being said about me." That was such a big asstard lie, but whatever.

She turned on the plasma on the other side of the room and flicked through the channels until she found the E! channel.

The fake blond woman on screen yapped on about some star and then about some other crap I didn't care about, this went on for half an hour. Meanwhile, Bella continued stroking my hair in silence, sometimes laughing quietly at the 'news'. I was sure Heaven resembled something like this.

And then Miss I-have-bigger-tits-than-brains had to go and ruin it.

_...Edward Cullen has also been naughty lately. The 'Trust Me' star was spotted flirting with two women during his photo shoot for the next issue of Vanity Fair. Insiders report that Cullen approached the two assistants and asked for their phone numbers. Of course, the lucky ladies were quick to exchange digits. Earlier on this month it was reported that Edward Cullen and 'Yes, I'm Hot' star Alyssa Maymore were engaged in a steamy love affair, but apparently it seems no one can tame the gorgeous actor and his wild womanizing ways, not even the beautiful Alyssa Maymore..._

What a load of bullshit. Those skanks were flirting with me, I flirted with Bella. End of story.

I lifted my head up and with great effort pushed myself into a half sitting position. My full attention was on the TV as it began showing pictures of Maywhore and me during a party I don't remember.

_... On other Cullen news, It appears the difficult star has lived up to his reputation. During an interview with Celeb Know it All Victoria Vanderlinden, Cullen lost his temper. One of those present discussed exclusively with us how Cullen nearly threw water on the Gossip Queen before being calmed down by a member of his entourage. The Crew member—who prefers to remain nameless—stated things got tense and the only reason Cullen didn't do anything rash was because he was escorted out of the premises. Since his brilliant debut five years ago Cullen has always had a reputation for being a Diva on set, but we here at E! couldn't care less. What we care about are those rumoured shirtless pictures... _

Breathe in and out... in and out. Deep breaths. Don't let lose your shit; Bella is sitting right next to you. Be your usual cool, calm and collected Cullen

"I can't believe they said that! Where did they get this information from? Are they stupid? You threw water on Vanderlinden? Please. She deserved to have more than water thrown at her. I want to know which crew member gave them that information. Do you think we can track him down? I will give him a few choice words. What a bunch of idiots." Bella huffed and crossed her arms. I might have been able to keep my cool but she certainly hadn't. That was shitty. My plan to make her feel better wasn't working; she went from sad to angry, and even though it was an improvement, I just wanted to see her smile again.

"That's a load of kitty litter if you ask me. As if I would ever approach any of those stalkers."

I saw Bella's lips quirk into a smile. Better. "Kitty litter?"

I chuckled. "I didn't want to say all the profanities going through my mind. There is a lady present, after all."

Bella laughed. Much, much better. "I just can't believe they would report lies."

I nodded, picked up the remote and changed the channel. I turned down the volume and slid down the pillows a bit, and noticed for the first time that Bella had stopped caressing my hair. Damn it! It was all the Fake Tities fault; I had moved because the cow had started lying. Huh, never thought that sentence would ever cross my mind.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?" My attention was now on the sluts on TV shaking their ass to some misogynistic shit.

"Can I ask you a question? I mean, you don't have to answer it. But I'm curious."

I turned my head to face her. I don't deal well with questions, but this was Bella, so I was sure I would be able to answer. "Yeah, go ahead."

"Um, did you and Alyssa Maymore ever ... umm... date?"

This is what she wants to know? I don't date, but I especially don't date Maywhore. She is crude and revolting and it boggles the mind how anyone can find her sexy. Of course, she fits the plastic ideal, but how can anyone seriously see her fake boobs as appealing? I hope she got a refund because they sure are ugly.

"I never dated her. She is the definition of fake and she smells a bit like carpet cleaner." It's true, she does. "I prefer women who are the way they were born, not the way their doctors made them." Again, very true. I fuck bimbos, usually models, but they come with natural parts.

"Ah, I see." It seemed Bella was seeing a lot today.

"Can I ask you a question? You also don't have to answer." I was hoping my honest and detailed answer would elicit one from her also.

"Uh-Huh."

"You and your boyfriend, what's the deal?" I knew I shouldn't bring it up, but if she talked to me about it maybe I could help. Even though I didn't have a clue when it came to relationships.

Bella looked down and started rubbing the duvet with her thumb. "We want different things and he doesn't understand how important this job is to me. But the main thing is... well, there's something missing. But we're working on it."

She peeked through her lashes at me and I offered her a tight smile. She looked sad again and I wish I were capable of kicking myself. Another distraction was in order.

I nudged her shoulder with my head and groaned. "My headache is coming back." I was actually feeling a lot better; no headache and only minor muscle pains.

Bella instantly started arranging the duvet and my pillows, making sure I was comfortable.

"Really?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

"No, not really. But it felt so good before when you scratched my head and I wanted you to do it again." I nudged her again and grinned.

Bella laughed and dug right in. I wanted to keep her in my bed for eternity just so I could feel her little hands.

I wanted to keep her mind away from the boyfriend so I did something I never do; I started small talk. The house was the first thing that popped in to my mind and I wanted Bella's opinion on how I should decorate it. She said she liked the house from the photo shoot and I agreed; I really did love the decor, and maybe Alice would be able to help with redecorating. We also talked about the script I had been waiting for and how much I wanted the part. When I explained what it was about she listened intently nodding after every detail, she was taking in everything I was saying and I felt privileged to be having her undivided attention. But we didn't focus just on my life; I wanted to know more about Bella so I asked question about her family and friends. I was surprised to find out that the only friends she had in L.A. were the people she worked with. I felt like an asshole, she didn't have friends because she didn't have time, because I was a demanding twat who had to have everything my way and needed an assistant 24/7. And even though I felt like a shithead for monopolizing her time, we also laughed a lot. Bella started reading to me some of the emails I had received today, and I have to say my fans are very creative in their ways of showing adoration. Not surprisingly it turned into a great conversation and not small talk, but it was rudely interrupted by Jasper's lanky-ass self.

"Edward, you missed your meetings today. The studio won't be happy."

I glared at him. Not only was he interrupting the best conversation I had had in a while, but his presence also made Bella stop petting my hair and blush bright red.

"Hello to you too, Jazz."

Jazz laughed and took a seat on the chaise. "What's wrong with you, then?"

"Food poisoning."

"Nice. Speaking of food; have you fed Ham today? The poor dude is nearly eating his paw downstairs." Shit the little man had completely slipped my mind.

"He's on a diet."

"Diet by starvation? It doesn't sound good," Jazz smirked. He knew damn well I was joking and I had just forgotten.

"That way he'll get his six pack back."

"Are you saying I starve you?" That's exactly what I was saying. Jazz just loved to nag me about my eating habits. So what? I'm a fat man trapped in a movie star's body, sometimes I wanted to get out for a bit and stuff my face. Nothing wrong with that.

I didn't respond. That question didn't deserve an answer.

"Um, I'll go feed him." Bella stood up and smoothed out her skirt and cardigan.

"You don't have to; Jasper will do it." I narrowed my eyes at him before smiling at Bella. "You can take the rest of the day off, I'm sure you want some down time."

"No, I can stay."

"Bella, don't be stubborn. Go unwind, it will probably be the last time you'll have the opportunity to relax before the European press tour starts." I didn't want her to leave but now Jazz was here—in my bedroom – and it was downright uncomfortable.

Bella bit her lip and nodded. "Thanks. Um, I'll see you tomorrow then." Her eyes lingered a moment on mine and she smiled. It was the same smile I had seen a few days before and it just about melted me.

I smiled back and watched her swaying hips until she closed the door behind her.

I sighed and burrowed under the covers.

"What was that all about?"

"What?" I wanted to go to sleep, maybe eat something, not be interrogated.

"Don't play the fool. I've told you once and I'll tell you again; you're a terrible actor." I have the_ best _of friends, really, I do. "Did anything happen between you and Bella? Are you going to tell me?"

"No. Now can you shut up and go get me some food, Bella suggested soup earlier on. And while you're downstairs don't forget to feed Ham."

"You're really not going to tell me?"

I shut my eyes and started to snore dramatically. Jazz just laughed and left.

No, I wasn't going to tell him. And I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't have an answer; I didn't know if anything_ did _happen.

* * *

**I obviously don't want to strangle Michael Buble... I could think of better things to do with him ;)  
**

**Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review. They make my day.**

**Thanks for reading and please review.  
**


	9. Building Castles: Part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, but I do own a lipstick called 'Fire Down Bellow'. It's really pretty.**

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**~Bella~**

Friday was officially the worst day of the week. Monday I got to see a half-naked Edward wet and greasy. Tuesday I sat all day with a half-naked Edward in bed stroking his wonderful hair. Wednesday morning I accompanied Edward to meetings. Wednesday afternoon I helped Edward go through scripts by the swimming pool. Thursday I spent between five meetings and Edward's costume fittings. Friday morning I had a never ending list of errands to go through. Friday afternoon I spent arranging Edward's schedule with Jasper for the European tour. Friday evening was wasted ignoring the fact that I hadn't seen Edward all day and chewing my nails dreading Friday night.

Today, very possibly, determined my entire future. And I wanted to make sure I was making the right decision.

I wasn't in love with him but I knew there were boys out there who weren't even half the man Jacob was. And even though Jacob's sweetness gave me a toothache, I could never be sure if I would one day miss his sweet ways or his uncomplicated personality. Maybe everything I hated now would be the things I would crave later on, and then I would be reminded I had let it all go and it was my entire fault. So if I was going to make this decision, I would make it knowing I had given it my all and held nothing back. But I wasn't doing this just for me; Jake deserved every effort on my part. I would try to find a way to continue, but if I found there was no way to resuscitate this relationship I would make sure to let him down easy. I would inflict the minimum amount of pain possible. Well, at least that was the plan.

After getting out of the shower and drying my body, I stepped into my dress. I had bought it yesterday in one of those vintage stores. It was a simple and elegant knee-length dress with a sweetheart neckline. I loved the shape of the dress and how curvy it made me look, but the best part was the colour. The woman at the store had said it was carmine, to me it looked like regular burgundy, but she had insisted it was not. But the name of the colour doesn't really matter, it was how it made my hair look that had me excited. The colour of the dress made my hair appear redder than usual, it made it look like the colour I had wanted to dye it but was too wuss to ever go through with it.

I zipped the dress and stepped into black peep-toes and sat down to fix my hair and make-up.

It took some time to get my hair completely full of big, loose curls but in the end everything looked acceptable. I then came to the worse part; make-up. I hated it. My skin was too sensitive to wear it regularly, not that I ever wanted to, and I could never find the perfect shade of foundation. So for tonight I decided to keep it simple; mascara and lipstick and nothing else. God knows I don't need blush. I went with waterproof mascara and a shade of lipstick I knew would make my lips look plumper, plus the name evoked good things. 'Fire Down Bellow' was the perfect shade to go with the dress, and it had me laughing at the irony. There hadn't been any 'Fire Down Bellow' in the last five years. Darn, that was a long time to go without getting real satisfaction.

After a spray of perfume and getting my clutch I made my way to the living room to wait for Jake to arrive. To keep myself entertained until he came home I reorganized my boxes by colour. I was up to blue when Jake opened the door.

A feeling of anxiety surged through my body as I heard his heavy steps approach.

"Hey, Bells. I'm home." I had figured as much considering I was in the same room as he was.

"Hey," I said as I made my way to where he was standing and kissed his cheek. "How was work?"

"It was great." Jake gave me a huge grin and walked to the bedroom, taking off his t-shirt on the way. "This guy came in today wanting to have three cars done; he had these great ideas about the designs he wants. Oh, and I think I might get a promotion. Sam told me that one of the senior mechanics is retiring later on this month and the company likes promoting from within. I know I've only been there for a short time but Sam said I was the best they had. How cool is that?"

"That sounds amazing, Jake."

So far so good. I had thought it would be awkward considering we hadn't spent much time together lately but it wasn't anything like that; we were relaxed and it seemed like Jake wasn't going to mention any of the problems between us. I could feel my anxiety dissipate, being replaced by relief. I would be able to go through my promise of trying one last date without much effort.

I sat down on the sofa and flicked through the magazine on the coffee table. I have no idea what a tabloid was doing in my apartment, I didn't buy it and I have no idea why Jake would want to read something targeted at women. The first few pages were what I expected; some bitching about style and articles on what I was sure was the latest breaking story to shake the world. But page five had me chuckling. It was an entire page on the sexiest celebrity pouts. Edward was number one, and the picture they chose to put in was pure gold. He was standing next to an exasperated Jasper with a frown and his arms crossed. He had the cutest pout in place, his bottom lip stuck out and he looked like he was five and getting a telling off from Jazz. I would have to tease him about this next time I saw him.

"Are you ready to go?"

I placed the magazine back in its place and looked up. "Yes...um, aren't you going to change?" Jake had changed clothes but was still wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I wasn't sure what restaurant we were going to but I had thought Jake would have chosen somewhere nice, nothing expensive, but a restaurant where you would be expected to wear something other than jeans.

"I already have. What? Is there a stain?" He asked as he looked down at what he was wearing.

"Well, er, no. Aren't we..."

"But I think you should change. You look nice, but I don't think what you're wearing is very appropriate for where we're going." Jake looked me up and down. "Why don't you put on some Converses and pants? I'll wait." He threw himself on the sofa and turned on the TV.

What was he talking about? I would never go out to a restaurant in Converses. I know I'm a klutz and that it would be more sensible to wear flats, but I like how I feel in heels. It's like Charlie always says; don't let your flaws rule you. So I didn't; I wore heels to restaurants. And I knew we were going out to dinner, Jake had said he booked a table.

"Jake, where are we going?"

"Mmm?" I wasn't surprised he didn't give me his full attention; M_onster Garage_ was on.

"Please turn off the TV."

"Huh?" Jake turned his face to me but his eyes were still glued to the screen.

I reached across the sofa and grabbed the remote, turning off the TV myself.

"What restaurant are we going to?" I repeated slowly, making sure he would understand what I was asking.

"I think it's called 'Parking Lot' or 'Parking Space'... I can't remember. It's somewhere inside the Pavilion."

"Pavilion?" This was getting ridiculous. I wanted to yell 'Just tell me where we are going' in the loudest scream I could possibly muster, but decided my inside voice was better for this discussion.

"Yeah, the show is being held there. Their website said the exhibition had over four hundred cars. And I thought you might like to have dinner afterwards. At first I thought about going to one of those Italian restaurants but they were a good forty minutes away and the 'Parking Something' was closer. " Jake shrugged.

I inhaled slowly. Patience, I needed patience. I exhaled.

"Are we going to a car show for our date?" I tried to make my voice neutral; I didn't want to show disappointment or irritation. I might absolutely hate the idea of basing my future on an evening out looking at automobiles but if it was what he wanted...

"Yep, Sam took his wife and he said she was blown away by it." I bet she was. "Is there something wrong with that? We can go somewhere else if you don't want to change."

The best option would be to change the location of our date. If we went to a quiet restaurant so we could talk and discuss everything that had been going on lately I would feel so much better about coming to some form of conclusion about our relationship. But this was Jake; his passion for cars was a huge part of who he was, and I wanted my choice on whether or not to continue with what we had to be based on something real. The restaurant would be relaxing for me but annoying for him. I guess his testosterone filled date would just have to do.

"No, that's fine. I had just thought... Never mind. I'll just put on something else."

I was glad I hadn't splurged on the sexy black bra and matching thong I had seen yesterday. I had stared at it for a while thinking that maybe I should just buy it, then I would be prepared if the date went well and I wanted to take things to the bedroom. – You know, get things done quickly so I wouldn't have to dread having his naked body on top of mine for very long.— But after ten minutes considering the pros and cons, I decided not to get it. The absence of sexy underwear would act as a safety net, ensuring I thought long and hard about getting Jacob long and hard. Instead of hot black lace, I settled for a nude strapless bra and pink panties. In my mind the plan was to go on a date and after a few days of carefully questioning all my feelings for Jake, take the next step and have sex with him. I wasn't looking forward to being pounded into, but it was only after getting intimate that I would come to a final conclusion about how I wanted to deal with this. It was a mechanical way of going about things, but if I didn't have a well structured plan I knew I would get lost in this decision making thing, and very possibly question my choice in the future.

I patted Jake on the head, noticing how his hair wasn't very silky and making a quick mental note to buy hair conditioner, when there was a soft knock on the door.

"Jake, can you get that?" I had to find a new outfit to wear. Jeans and a t-shirt would do, and I would definitely put my hair up; there was no point in getting snarls for the sake of a car show.

"You're closer to the door."

I rolled my eyes, stepped out of my heels and opened the door.

**~Edward~**

Shit, fuck and bollocks.

I cannot believe Jazz talked me into this. I already felt awkward and I hadn't even asked yet.

I should have known when he gave me a cookie that something wasn't right. Jasper hadn't given me any form of baked goods in half a decade, for him to have started there had to be a fucking big reason.

The conversation had begun innocently enough, just us talking about Europe while drinking smoothies and eating cookies, and then it descended into an almighty shit fest.

"Do you have any plans for Friday night?" He had asked, before draining half his glass.

"I don't think so, but you should probably check with Bella. Why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner."

"Yeah, sure." I replied absentmindedly.

I hadn't really thought about it. Jazz and I went out to dinner a lot. We talked about business and life in general. But we had never set a date for when we would meet up, and he sure as hell never actually asked me to join him for dinner. We usually did it when we had time, just randomly. Now he was asking me out, and telling me when to meet him. It was odd. There were only two reasons why he would go about things in that way. One, he was going to confess his undying love for me and had picked the perfect restaurant for it already. Or two, he had planned something and was being sly by not telling me the full details. I was going to go with the last one, even though neither sounded very appealing.

"Wait. First, what's the occasion? And second, who's going to be there?"

He had had the decency to look embarrassed. "Alice and I are engaged and its just the five of us butyouhavetobringadate. ." He inhaled sharply and looked about my kitchen, suddenly interested in my cabinets.

"I'm sorry, what? You lost me after 'Alice'."

He had sucked in a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't be difficult about this."

"You tell me what you want and I'll let you know what level of assholeness I will be getting to."

"Ok, fine. Last Saturday I took Alice to this little restaurant in Malibu and, er, I proposed." I was about to congratulate him—He hadn't been dating Alice for very long, maybe a year or so, but they had always shown a disgusting level of love for each other. It was inevitable they would be getting hitched—but he stopped me. "Yeah, I know. It's amazing. And yes, I was nearly shitting myself before I dropped to one knee. But that's not important right now. I'll give you all the gushy crap when we run out of important things to talk about."

I nodded. That arrangement sounded great.

"What is important is that Alice is happy. She wants us to go for dinner. By us I mean; Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, you, and me...and your date."

He had lost me again when he had mentioned my date, so I chose to ignore that part. "I'm not going. I refuse to sit through another one of those dinners. Do you know how hard it is to eat when you have two couples sucking face right in front of you? And when you neanderthals couple up its like you lose all your conversational skills. I will be damned if I have to face screaming girls and cameras just to be miserable with terrible conversation and no appetite."

I guess my little speech didn't go down well—I think it might have been the neanderthal comment—because Jasper got very adamant that I not only attend but that I bring a date. He specifically told me that if I went to dinner without someone he would have to break both my legs. He had said that every time I went out with them I made the situation uncomfortable due to my permanent scowl. He then told me to get an acting coach so I could hide my emotions better. And reiterated my need to bring a date so I 'would stop acting like a goddamn toddler' and stop complaining about not getting enough attention.

I let it be known in a very loud voice that I did not appreciate his dictatorial attitude, but in the end relented. The fucking shit I go through for those cocksuckers is unbelievable.

Obviously, I liked my legs a lot and didn't want them to get broken. So I had to bring a date, which was fucking difficult considering I don't date. I thought about taking the last woman I fucked. Lauren? Laura? Laurie? I thought she would be a good choice as she already knew Jasper and Emmett, but then decided against it after remembering how she could only talk about tits, cock, and hair extensions. Yeah, not good company for a civilized dinner. Great for the bedroom, though.

I went through all the contacts on my phone and was actually amazed at how many Brainless Walking Sex Taps I had numbers for. But none of them would do for this; I needed someone who knew that the capital of Australia was not Sydney but Canberra, and that the capital of Canada was Ottawa and not Toronto. I was one hundred percent sure none of them had the amount of advanced geographical knowledge I required for an evening out with my friends and their partners.

The only woman I knew who might have picked up an Atlas in her life, or any book for that matter, was Bella. And that made things very uncomfortable.

I could flirt with her, let her ogle my bare chest, think dirty thoughts about her, and spend an entire day with her in my bed. But I could not escalate our relationship into anything serious. With us it was all about light-hearted fun and friendship with a dash of sexual tension, but there was nothing romantic about it. Yes, I wanted to see her totally naked on my bed, but that doesn't mean I was going to act out my thoughts. I valued Bella far more than to have her and then discard her like all the others.

Asking Bella on a date, no matter how innocent, would undoubtedly change our relationship. And I really didn't want that to fucking happen, I wanted to keep things the same because for once I had found someone who I could stand being near to without wanting to punch their face. It was a shitty thing to admit to, but true. Twelve years and Bella was the only person who I had become even close to liking, apart from Emmett and Jasper.

I had sat in my cold ass kitchen flicking through the names on my phone, contemplating who to take, until Ham demanded I feed him. By the time I went to bed I knew there was only one option and that was Bella. If I took anyone else my goddamn scowl would be in place, eventually leading to Jasper breaking my legs and rendering taking a Blow Up doll out completely useless.

And now, here I was, in my stupid Prada suit and whatever brand tie, in front of Bella's door to ask her out on a non-date date.

My arm rose twice and fell twice before I built up the courage to face this goddamn awkward situation head on. I knocked softly hoping someone wasn't in, while at the same time hoping Bella would save my ass and agree to be tortured right along with me.

I leaned my arm against the door frame and tilted my head down, waiting for a response.

_Shit, this is going to be friggin embarrassing. Not only is Bella going to say no, but she's also going to tell me to go fuck myself in sixty-four different ways... Meh, at least I'll get the Kama Sutra covered._

As the door opened I heard the sound of a TV and a deep male voice, and because of that I was not expecting the image that greeted me.

_Holy Mother of God. _

Bella was wearing the tightest, most indecent dress I have ever seen. Shit. It clung to her humps and bumps and yet, covered the majority of her body, even her damn knees were hidden behind material. The way she looked was pure unadulterated sex. It would have been better if she had been showing her tits and legs, that way I would've known what I was looking at... But as it was, my imagination took over, filling in what my eyes couldn't see.

I was suddenly very uncomfortable and not because I was about to do something embarrassing. No, I was uncomfortable because the being in my pants had decided he very much liked the look of Bella, and was straining to get closer to her delectable womanly bits.

"Edward?"

Her quiet voice disrupted my thoughts of arranging a play date between Edward Jr. and little Bella, and brought me back to what I was meant to be doing: asking her to join me in a painful evening.

I smiled and shifted, trying to hide the very obvious hard on I was now sporting.

"Hey."

"Er, hey." Bella looked at me with a clear question in her eyes, obviously surprised by my appearance at her door. "Do you need something?"

How to answer that question? I needed many things right now...

"Yes, well, no. I mean yes." I rubbed my neck and decided to stop being such a pussy. "Jasper got engaged Saturday and-"

"Oh, that's great." Her eyes lit up like it was fucking Christmas morning, and I just had to smile. I never thought brown eyes could be so beautiful, but I had been clearly wrong.

"Yeah, it's great. The thing is, he's having a sort of engagement party... nothing big, just him and Alice, and Emmett and Rosalie, and me. And I was wondering if you wanted to go?" God I was such a shit head. I could have just said 'Bella would you like to attend Jasper's engagement party with me?' But no, I was an incoherent baboon. This just shows why I don't have long term relationships. I don't do serious well, anything apart from fucking and fun and I'm out of my element.

Bella closed the door slightly and leaned forward. "Do you mean, like, right now?" Her voice was hushed, nearly a whisper.

I looked up and down the corridor trying to understand why she had lowered her voice. I didn't find anything but decided to follow her lead. "Yes. I know it's short notice, but I thought you might like to come with me." I motioned with my hand at her outfit. "And you're already dressed... Wait. Am I interrupting something?"

Really, what the fuck is wrong with me today? How could I not have joined up the dots? She was dressed in that mind blowing outfit because she was going out, likely with her boyfriend. Some assholes just have all the luck.

"Um, kind of." She turned her head towards her apartment and grimaced, but her expression didn't stay pained for long. After a few seconds she turned back and gave me a toothy smile. "But Jasper only gets engaged once, right?"

I nodded. I don't think Jazz would ever let go of that little, weird imp he loves so much.

"Ok, then. Give me ten minutes," she said as she closed the door.

I was left in the corridor for a while, listening to the sounds coming from her apartment, and trying to wipe the stupid grin I now had on my face, as well as taking steps to get rid of my hard on. I thought about Emmett in a speedo and that did the trick.

After a few minutes the faint noises from inside became louder. I couldn't hear Bella at all, but I could definitely hear the male voice once again. And I didn't like it one bit.

I didn't catch a word of what was being said but his tone was grating on my nerves. If he continued to speak to her in the manner he was doing now, I would very likely have to kick his ass... Correction: I would have to have Emmett kick his ass; the studio would rip me a new one if I damaged my face. _Urgh._

Just when I couldn't take anymore, and was going to act like the knight in shining armour and rescue the fair maiden, Bella walks out and slams the door.

"Let's go." Her strides were angry and damn sexy.

"Is everything alright? Did he do anything?" I asked as I easily caught up with her.

"Yeah, everything's ok. He didn't do anything. That's the problem."

I had no idea what she was going on about so I decided to keep my gob shut and just escort her to the car.

"Geeze Louise, is that your car?"

Even thought it was dark outside I could still see Bella staring at my Aston Martin Vanquish with an awed look. I thought it was pretty, but it had nothing on my Bugatti Veyron.

"Yeah. I don't drive it often, mostly at weekends."

I went around to the passenger side and helped Bella in, low cars can be a real bitch to get in when you're a girl and wearing a dress... at least, that's what I heard the bimbos complain about.

I settled in my seat and drove off, and kept my eyes glued on the road rather than on Bella's sad face. If I looked at her right now, I would undoubtedly turn around and punch her boyfriend's face into the nearest wall.

"Bella, are you ok?" I turned slightly towards her, not really seeing her in the darkness but still unable to keep my eyes away.

"Yes. Do you want to listen to some music?" She sounded gloomy, and angry, and just plain pissed off.

"Yeah, sure. My iPod is in the glove compartment."

I didn't know what to do. In one hand I knew I was partly to blame for their argument, but on the other hand I knew it was all his damn fault. No matter how you looked at it. I still remember when I was ten and made the girl next door cry and my aunt Esme scolded me saying that boys should never make girls cry, no matter what the reason. I thought it was a load of bollocks, but now seeing Bella's glittering eyes filled with unshed tears made me understand what aunt Esme was on about. It didn't matter if someone was ten or twenty the principal was still there, and I had to admit it was heartbreaking seeing something so beautiful lose its happiness because of boy, or man, in this case.

Bella put on some upbeat song that went completely against the mood in the car, and made me feel shittier and shittier with each note.

Obviously, Bella was feeling the same; she sighed and turned her face towards the window, trying to hide her expression from me, even though the only light inside the car was the soft glow from the street lights outside.

In a move that was thought about after it was acted, I place my hand on top of Bella's and gently squeezed it, trying to tell her without words that she had a friend if she needed one. And maybe someone who would pay for her boyfriend to miraculously appear with a black eye and bruised ribs.

I looked at her and her eyes found mine, and at the same time her little hand squeezed back.

"Thanks." She smiled at me, and I knew then and there that if Bella was mine I would never make her cry.

XXX

As we arrived at the French restaurant I helped Bella out of the car and tossed my keys to the valet, all the while glaring at his fugly face for eye fucking Bella. We quickly made our way inside before the paparazzi descended and interrupted our night.

However, it appeared my actions in the parking lot didn't go unnoticed. Bella chuckled and shook her head.

"What? He was being disrespectful." He sure as fuck was.

"No he wasn't. The guy was just ogling your car, and then he was ogling you. It's to be expected."

What? The fucktard didn't take any interest in my ride or my fucking face; he took an interest in my non-date date's smoking hot body.

"Bella, he wasn't gawking at me or my car; he was rudely checking you out."

Bella arched an eyebrow as we passed the bar and made our way straight for the restaurant.

"He was." I know he was probably thinking about how spectacular her ass looked, or how that little dip on her neckline was such a tease; showing some but not all. But even though I could see it, and he could see it, and every other motherfucker in this place could see it, it seemed Bella couldn't. And that was fucking messed up.

"Bella, did you see yourself in a mirror before you left? You look...and that dress... You look absolutely stunning, and every man in this restaurant is drooling and panting over you. Trust me when I say that there isn't one straight man here who doesn't think you look ravishing."

I also wanted to tell her that she looked like a beautiful porcelain doll, a sexy porcelain doll, but one nonetheless. The bold contrast between her dark lips, eyes and hair against her alabaster skin was so beautiful. Not to mention how the colour of her dress made her hair look even more striking. I didn't tell her that because I didn't want her to think I was creepy, or that I had a thing for porcelain dolls.

"Oh." Her eyes were huge and surprised as she took in what I said.

I grinned and without thinking put my hand on her lower back, guiding her closer to the where the maître d' was standing.

"Good evening." The French man with a moustache said as we arrived in front of his podium. "A table for two, Mr. Cullen?" I have only been to this restaurant once, so there is no reason for the dude to know my name. I guess he must love his tabloids.

"No, thank you. But could you point us in the direction of the Whitlock table?"

"Of course, please follow me."

* * *

**Sorry to end it like that, but this chapter became soooo long I just had to split it into two. I have part 2 already finished and I'll put it up tomorrow after I proof read it and what not.**

**I've received a few PMs and reviews asking about the Jake situation. We all know Bella doesn't love Jake, but he does have a purpose in the story, and it isn't to keep Edward and Bella separated-- they manage to do that all by themselves. But worry not the Jake thing will get resolved in the next few chapters.**

**Also, 'cause I'm a total geek when it comes to all things Twilight, I actually have images of the outfits mentioned in all the chapters. I was thinking of putting the links up on my profile, so if anyone wants to see them let me know and I'll put them up. **

**And on a completely random note: The thing about the capitals was inspired by my 22 year old friend who still thinks Oceania is a place like Narnia, instead of an actual continent. I know a lot of geographically chalenged people.**

**The thing about the Kama Sutra is true, the original one had 64 positions, but then Cosmo came along and invented loads more... er, yeah.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think. And thanks for reading!  
**


	10. Building Castles: Part 2

**So here's part 2. Hope you guys like it.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight not mine.**

* * *

**~Edward~**

The restaurant wasn't very big, but it was completely packed, with every round table occupied. It wasn't one of those usual celebrity hangouts like _The Ivy_ or _Mr. Chow_, it was rather an upscale restaurant frequented by a few low-key celebrities, and none of those D-listers who went out of their way to be photographed.

As we meandered through the tables and headed to a more secluded spot at the back, I could feel the stares burning into the back of my head. I was used to being looked at, even pointed at, but I didn't like it right now. Beside me Bella started fidgeting from the attention we were getting. My hand returned to her lower back, reassuring her that everything was fine and that in a few minutes the curious eyes would lose interest.

Bella immediately stopped fidgeting with her hand bag and leaned ever so slightly into my body. No-one would have noticed her subtle move unless they were as conscious of her body as I was. It was such a small thing, nearly imperceptible, but it made me feel something that only Bella ever evoked. I wasn't going to think about what the hell it was now, but I knew sooner or later I was going to have to sit down and have a serious chat with myself.

At the very back of the room I could already see Jasper and the others, so I thanked the maître d' and made my own way there. It wasn't like I was going to get lost.

None of the idiots at the table noticed as we approached; they were laughing at something Emmett said.

Bella and I stood there waiting for them to look up or even turn around, but as I expected they didn't take their eyes off each other for even a second.

I turned to Bella. "Can you believe it? Everyone in this restaurant notices our arrival except this bunch." She giggled and nodded.

I decided to not stand around and wait for them to acknowledge our presence— it would be a fucking century before that fucking happened—and cleared my throat extremely loudly, more so than it was probably necessary.

Jasper looked up and smiled and then frowned when he saw Bella. He quickly reined in his reaction before anyone could notice.

"Hey, Edward, Bella. Thank you for coming, even if you are twenty minutes late."

I rolled my eyes and pulled a chair for Bella, and sat down between her and the imp.

I unfortunately got the worst seat in the house. Now I was going to have to spend hours next to Mental Midget and her crazy puffy dress. Did all girls dress like five year olds for their engagement party? And not that I'm a fashion expert, but I was pretty sure Rosalie forgot one of her sleeves at home, not to mention it hurt to look at her; the dress she was wearing reflected the candle light. I much preferred what Bella was wearing, it was classy and sexy, and... Shit, I better stop. Who knows what kind of monster those thoughts might awaken.

"Sorry, that's probably my fault," Bella said shyly.

"No, it wasn't. I forgot to ask you before today, so it was my fault. Not that it matters." I glared at Jasper. I was doing him a favour by gracing this fucking dinner with my sour presence, he should be damn thankful.

Jasper nodded and hid a smirk. "Bella, let me introduce you to Alice, my fiancée. And this is Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend."

The usual fucking pleasantries were exchanged between the girls. The usual 'Nice to meet you' and 'I've heard so much about you', blah, blah, blah.

"So, Edward tells me this is an engagement party." I could see Bella was trying to make conversation; it was really awkward being with people you didn't know. Hell, even though I knew Rosalie for five years and Alice for one, I was still uncomfortable talking freely near them.

The bundle of freakish energy next to me started bouncing up and down. God, not in a million years would I date something so hyper.

"Yes, Jasper proposed. It was so sweet, the very best day of my life." She extended her arm and waved her hand in front of Bella's face to show off the rock on her finger, not even caring that she nearly broke my nose as she did so.

"That's a beautiful ring. Jasper has some serious taste."

"Well, I told him where to buy it, and told the store manager exactly which one I wanted."

Why in the heck was Jazz marrying this girl again?

"Oh, that's...nice."

_Pfft, nice?_ I think Bella meant nuts.

Rosalie asked Alice to see the ring once again, and thankfully diverted the Crazy One's attention away from us.

Bella shuffled closer and whispered in my ear, "Is he really marrying her?"

I couldn't hold back a laugh as I nodded.

"What's so funny? You know it's rude to whisper when in the company of others, stupid," Emmett said with his outside voice.

"It's also rude to shout in a restaurant, idiot."

Before our argument could turn into the usual lame exchange of words the waiter came over to take our orders. We all decided to have the Crème de Petits Pois for starters, different main courses and Soufflé for desert. I very much doubted I would stick around for desert, as soon as I could leave, I was out.

"Bella, tell me, how are you enjoying working in the entertainment business?" Rosalie asked as she ate a bread stick.

"It's great, never a dull moment." She smiled that huge melting smile I liked so much.

"I can imagine. I've only ever been around Cullen once when he was working, and it definitely wasn't boring."

I groaned. Why in God's name did she have to bring that up every single time?

Jasper and Emmett started laughing at my expense. Fucking shitheads.

"Really, Rosalie? Is it necessary to bring this up every time I see you?"

Bella leaned forward, giving Rosalie her full attention and me a little peek of her delicious cleavage. "What happened?"

"Bella..."

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport." She smacked my hand lightly. "I just want to know what's so funny."

What the fuck was I meant to say after that? Well, nothing came to mind. So I huffed and crossed my arms knowing that what was about to come was fucking embarrassing.

Bella gave me a victory smile and turned back to Rosalie.

"You know I'm a make-up artist, right?" Bella nodded "Well to make a long story short; I was Cullen's make-artist for one of his first films, 'Left Behind'. Within five minutes of meeting me he starts giving me attitude, telling me that what I'm doing is wrong, and getting real snarky with me. Now I don't take bullshit, whatsoever. And when he starts insinuating I spread my legs indiscriminately," Rosalie is such a lady. "I lose it. I give him the best black eye ever." Bella starts laughing hysterically, tears escaping her eyes. "He then goes to shoot the pinnacle scene of the film, nearly in tears, which evidently fit rather well with the tortured character he was meant to be playing. Eight months later he wins his second Golden Globe, and it was all thanks to me and my killer right hook."

"Dream on, Rosalie. I won that Globe for my, and I quote, 'Passionate and brilliant performance'. Not just for one scene."

I can't help but scowl. I did not appreciate how Rosalie dealt with her aggression, and I wasn't crying. I just... had a speckle in my eye. Fuck me she punches like a heavy weight boxer.

And I know they are just trying to keep me grounded with all the embarrassing memories, but fuck... a little support wouldn't kill them.

"I remember seeing that film; I thought it was phenomenal." See, Bella gets what I need. "Especially the bit where you discover why he was left behind... Is that the scene?"

"Yep, that's it."

Is it wrong that I want to slap Rosalie? Yeah, I think it is. Damn.

Bella starts shaking with silent laughter.

"Oh, not you too, Bella." Does everyone just like to torture me? Is that it?

She bumped my arm with her shoulder. "Come on, admit it. It's funny." Bella starts giggling again and I can't restrain myself. I join in.

"No fucking way! Are you laughing Cullen?" I seriously need to wash Rosalie's mouth with soap.

"No. I was breathing fire." I roled my eyes and rested my left arm on the back of Bella's chair.

After a few remarks from Rosalie about how shitty my wit is, the soup arrives and we get down to eating some grub.

The conversation is pretty crap. Alice goes on and on and on about what colour scheme she wants, what ballroom she wants to hire, even what ribbon she is going to use to decorate the chairs. I can't say any of this surprises me; Alice is by far the most materialistic and shallow person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. But Jazz loves her, so I keep my opinions to myself and smile every time she turns her fakeness towards me.

The only thing keeping this night from turning from shit to shittier is Bella. She's polite and nice, sweet and lovely. She sits next to me listening to all the garbage Alice comes up with, trying to hide her amusement, and taping my foot every time the Crazy One says something particularly funny. I try very hard not to laugh, not even smirk, but I guess Jasper's right; I really do need an acting coach because I can't keep my face straight.

In a moment of rare peace—Alice is thankfully stuffing her face— the rest of us at the table actually start talking and not just pretending to listen.

"Emmet, what are you doing?" Bella asks laughing. I don't know why, but she seems to be glowing tonight, and I fucking can't keep my eyes away.

"Eating soup?"

"Yes, I can see that. But why are you using a fork?"

"I like to live dangerously."

He always does this: eats soup with forks, cuts steak with spoons. He's 'special' that way.

"Did your mother drop you on your head a lot when you were a baby?"

"I wouldn't know. I never met the lady to ask her."

I freeze. Please don't let this go in the direction I think this is going. Because if it goes down the way I think it will, I think I might hit someone, and it will very likely be Emmett.

I shoot Jasper a meaningful glance; he clears his throat and starts drumming his fingers on the table, clearly as uncomfortable with the conversation as I am.

"Oh... I'm sorry...I didn't –"

"It's cool Buttons. Mama loved her drugs and Pa loved his thieving. No wonder I never got to meet them, huh?" Emmett is still attempting to eat his soup, completely unaware of where this is going.

"Did you at least get adopted by a nice family?"

Everyone at the table shifts uncomfortably in their seats; all except Emmett and Bella. For Emmett, the life we had was never hard, he has always accepted the bad with the good, and has never been bitter about the experiences we should have been spared. It's just how he is. But then again Emmett never met his parents, his memories aren't the same as Jasper's and mine. He never could miss something he never had, nor could he hate something he never knew.

"Nope. No one wants a sick baby. I had a lot of health problems thanks to my alcoholic, drug addict, prostitute of a mother. That woman was an overachiever, couldn't just screw up on one thing...Um..." His eyes find me and then carefully look away._ Is that how he sees me? Am I an overachiever too? Dickhead_. "So, it was foster homes for me. But it wasn't all bad. I got to meet these guys there... er, well, look at me know; I'm healthy as a horse."

The urge to punch Emmett is unbelievably strong. He's talking about the most painful time in our lives as if he was talking about a football game on TV. There aren't enough insults to describe his stupidity and insensitivity.

I crack my knuckles and lean back on my chair, shooting daggers with my eyes. We never talk about this, _never_. And yet, it's like he has verbal diarrhoea and can't keep it in. Why not tell the fucking universe the whole damn story, fuckface? Because right now I just want to go all fetal and forget I exist, forget that I had to live through all that and still be reminded of it when a random phone call comes through, or when asswipes bring up what should be left in the past.

"You're as stupid as one too."

Jasper tries to salvage the situation but it's no use. We're all ignoring the fucking pink elephant in the room, and we know it. Rosalie and Alice have suddenly become best of friends and decide to talk about napkins, trying to stay away from the awkwardness. The guys continue their charade, pretending they hadn't fucking touched on the one subject that was meant to remain untouchable.

"Horses aren't stupid, man."

"How do you know? Have you ever spoken to one?"

"After that comment I can safely say that you're the idiot, Jazz."

I try to not go into the deep, dark hole waiting for me. This is how it always is; when the subject comes up the fury comes up, the pain comes along for the ride, too. I swear the room has just shrunk, the windows have been nailed shut, and some motherfucker has just stabbed me through the heart. All over again.

Just when I'm about to switch off and allow myself to plunge into the dark depths I know I'm capable of entering, a small hand touches my thigh.

"How was your day?"

I turn to my left and, as expected, see only loveliness. Bella doesn't look judgemental or even questioning. She looks worried, as if she sensed my near relapse, but relieved, as if she knows she caught me right on time. I take her hand in mine and start to play with her fingers, and the worry is soon replaced with a smile and the relief is replaced with tenderness. My darkness goes back to its hole and stays there.

"Busy, dull, annoying," I whisper, still shaken up from the conversation. "I didn't have you there to protect me from Jazz. He made me exercise for two hours, I very nearly died." I give her a teasing grin and she giggles.

"How about yours?" I ask as my untouched soup is replaced by Salmon en Croûte.

Bella answers as she lets go of my hand, and cuts into her Coq au Vin. "It was boring. Just scheduled your entire life for the next two months, and spent the morning doing errands for a certain celebrity." Bella's dainty shoulder's lift as she shrugs.

"God, I must make your life miserable." I take a bite and lean back, throwing my arm over the back of her chair, making sure my arm touches her bare back.

"You make it better... take tonight, for example. I was dreading the night I was going to have, and then you show up."

That doesn't sound like something I would do, usually I make things suckier. And by suckier, I mean I completely fuck things up five hundred different ways.

"Really? Are you just sucking up to me?" I can't help but tease her."Just because I'm your boss doesn't mean you have to be nice. Go right ahead, tell me how much of a douche I am."

She laughs and shoves her fork in my direction, offering me a bit of her chicken. I eat it. It's damn good. "Trust me, if you're a douche, I'll let you know."

I cut a piece of my salmon and offer it to her. "I doubt that very much; you're too sweet to be mean to me."

She takes it. "Sweet? I think you're going mad."

And that's how we spent the next hour. Joking, laughing, and completely ignoring the others at our table. Jasper tried to make us join the main conversation but in the end he gave up. There's no way either Bella or I can keep a straight face when Alice refers to herself as Tinkerbelle. I think we both actually start crying when she suggests that the invitations for the wedding have Tinker on the outside. But obviously not with a green dress, that would totally, like, OMG, completely go against the colour scheme.

As the main courses are replaced by six chocolate soufflés I feel Rosalie's stare on me and turn, leaving Bella to eat for a minute without me drooling on her.

Rosalie has the biggest fucking grin on her face. I don't like it one little bit. So I narrow my eyes only to receive a fucking wink in return. _A wink, ew_. But I have to admit I don't hate Rosalie, it's not that I like the girl, but I'm indifferent to her. At least, she's only fake when it comes to her looks, everything else she keeps natural.

"Bella, would you like to come to the ladies with me?"

I scowl at Rosalie. What the Hell is she playing at?

"Um, sure?"

I stand up and pull Bella's chair, and she thanks me with a smile.

As I sit down I ponder what girls could possibly do in toilets together, and why all of the sudden I feel far too alone and empty. As soon as Bella got up, I wanted to drag her back to my side and start stroking her skin. I had the urge to caress her neck and cheeks, maybe even start counting the faint freckles on her shoulders. I guess right now was the time to have a serious chit-chat with myself. I've turned into a major pussy and I have no idea why.

I ignore Jasper's probing looks and Emmett's wiggling eyebrows by looking down at my plate.

The conversation I'm about to have with myself is psych ward worthy, but I need to sort shit out and this is the best way to go about things...

_So, Edward...You want to fuck Bella._

_Duh._

_Do you like Bella?_

_Yeah._

_How much do you like Bella?_

_A lot._

_..._

_What?_

_Dude, how can you not see it?_

_You lost me, subconscious Edward._

_You're a dumb shit. Let's look at the evidence. You like Bella a lot; you get all pussy on me when she's around, you are nice to her, which is unheard of, and you hate it when she's not near you... Make sense yet, numbnuts?_

_So what you're saying is; I'm falling for her?_

_Uh-huh._

_Fuck._

**~Bella~**

This has to be the weirdest dinner I have ever attended. It has nothing on Christmas dinner two years ago when Charlie thought I was pregnant and nearly shot Jake. I wasn't pregnant; just had eaten far too much. That was weird and uncomfortable, but today's dinner was... umm, strange on so many levels.

Firstly, I have no idea where Jasper found his fiancé; I'm going to say he found her in a parallel universe where people are really tiny and really annoying. Secondly, I could feel the tension in the group as soon as Edward and I sat down. It wasn't the awkwardness that comes with meeting people for the first time, this was completely different. I could see Jazz exchanging covert glances with Emmett, I could feel Rosalie's and Alice's assessing gazes. There was a big, fat elephant in the room, and I was it. They didn't know what to make of my presence. Heck, I didn't know what to make of it. This wasn't a business dinner, nor was this like the barbecue. This was a private celebration between friends, and I had somehow been included. And finally, I think I have the worst case of Foot in Mouth disease ever encountered. Who in their right mind asks if someone got adopted by a nice family? Well, apparently I do. I think I might have had a brain fart. I have been told those are very common.

As Rosalie and I made our way to the toilet every head turned, watching us intently. Its human nature to be curious, but just because I knew the stares were inquisitive rather than judgemental didn't make me feel better. They were probably wondering what I was doing with the world's most beautiful man by my side. I sure was.

Rosalie glared at a woman as we entered the toilet. Making it very clear her presence was not welcomed. When the toilet was empty Rosalie started cackling.

"Damn Bella." She hopped on the counter and leaned back against the mirror. "Now that we've been introduced we need to go out."

I sat down on one of the posh little stools. I knew we came to chat not to pee. "Why?"

I liked Rosalie; she had a hard as nails exterior but underneath it all I could tell she was a wonderful person.

"From what I've gathered things are a lot more interesting when you're around." She opened her handbag and took out her lipgloss. "People stare, we talk about shit that hasn't been talked about in years, and you make Edward act like a lovey-dovey teenager. It's hilarious."

I think Rosalie should stop bleaching her hair; it's obviously destroying her brain cells.

"Don't be ridiculous. Edward always acts like that; he's temperamental and short-tempered, not lovey-dovey, as you put it."

"Are you saying he's always been like this around you?"

"Well, no. He was-"

"Get the fuck out of here! Can't you seen we're having a private convo? Shoo." Rosalie screamed at two women as they came in.

"Damn hobags. As if I don't know they are just trying to listen. You were saying..."

She sure is feisty. And maybe a little bit scary.

"At first he was... not very nice, but then things changed." I fiddled with my clutch.

I hate when people asked me personal questions and I could tell Rosalie was itching to get to the bottom of things. But I wasn't sure what was going on lately, I had been worrying about one man and not analyzing what was going with another. When I was with Edward the only thing I could think about is how amazing he is, when I'm with Jake worries and indecisiveness cloud my mind. I can't get away to just think and sort through things. I'm starting to think that I might need a day off.

"I can see that. He's never been like this, you know." She jumped off the counter and turned to face the mirror, retouching her make-up. "I have never seen him laugh. When Jasper forces him to come to dinner he usually smiles a bit, scowls a lot, but he never laughs. And then tonight you come along and he's laughing like there's no tomorrow. At first it was creepy, Edward laughing doesn't look right. But I think I've figured crap out."

"He wasn't laughing because of me; it's all thanks to Alice."

"I can guarantee it's not. She was her usual whacko self last time and he nearly threw a bread roll at her head. This was all your doing, Bella."

"Rosalie-"

"It's Rose."

"Rose, I think you're reading too much into this. He's just in a good mood."

The toilet door opened and a group of women peeked in, but quickly retreated as Rosalie threw one of the disposable soaps at the door.

"No, he's not. Em starts talking about their time in foster care and he's in a good mood? I highly doubt it." Rose leaned her hip against the counter and regarded me seriously. "After I had been dating Em for three months I made the mistake of asking about his childhood in front of the others. Edward flipped out, destroyed all the furniture in his room and couldn't go back to work for two weeks. And then today the same thing comes up and he looks upset for ten minutes and then shrugs it off?"

"Maybe he's gotten through it."

"Not likely. Edward doesn't let things go."

"You started dating Emmett nearly five years ago, Edward was nineteen? He isn't a teenager anymore, Rose."

"Bella, this is going around in circles. You tell me it has nothing to do with you, and I'm telling you it has everything to do with you."

She had no idea what she was talking about. There was no way Edward was acting the way he was because of me. I wasn't even a factor in determining his moods, I was only the assistant.

I shook my head and went to stand next to Rose in front of the mirror.

I still looked ok, my lipstick hadn't bled.

"Are you really that blind?" Rose's reflection asked mine. "Let me point out to you a few things you clearly aren't seeing," she said as she took my clutch and started looking through it.

"I've known Edward for longer than you so I know a few things you haven't had the time to learn yet. For one Edward is a miserable sod, no matter who he's with or what he's doing he's miserable full stop. Tonight he scowled once or twice, and that's it. Another one of Edward's endearing qualities is his aloofness; he always separates himself from others, and above all never lets others in. So you can imagine my surprise when he _actually_ talks to you, and not about the industry or business, but rather about common things like books. I don't think you understand how rare that is in Edward Land." Rose takes my phone and starts typing in numbers. "Edward also doesn't date; he's a closeted manwhore in many ways. He's rarely seen with anyone, and he never takes any of his skanks to dinner. The only reason I know he does have women at his beck and call is because Em tells me about it. And yet, here you are, with him at his best friend's engagement party, in public, where the paparazzi can possibly snap pictures." Rose put my phone back in my clutch and handed it back to me. "Oh, and he was drooling all over you like a love sick puppy."

"That's...so-"

"True. Yeah, I know. I have a talent for pointing out the obvious. He's in love with you; he just doesn't know it yet. Men's brains are seldomly connected to their hearts so it takes longer for them to understand things. Damn, I good at this. I should have been a psychologist instead of a make-up artist."

I just stood there staring at nothing in particular. Maybe Alice wasn't the crazy one; maybe Rose was crazier but knew how to hide it better.

"I also know that you're denying it, blah, blah. So I'm not going to push it, just promise you'll tell me when you figure it out so I can do my 'I Told You So' dance." Rose picked up her handbag and gestured to the door. "I think we should go in. They are probably thinking we either have the runs or are having lesbian sex. "

And that was that. She was going to believe what she wanted even though it was untrue. There wasn't any way that Edward Cullen could ever fall in love with me, and not because he was famous or perfect looking, but rather because he was infinitely more interesting and captivating. To me Edward was like Chocolate Chip ice cream; delicious and dark, and not as simple as it first appears. He's smooth and yet, has all these little bumps, making things all the more exciting and mouth-watering. I'm vanilla; nice and ordinary. Everyone likes vanilla but they would always prefer something more adventurous like Raspberry Ripple or Strawberry Cheesecake. It just doesn't make sense why he would want something dull when he could get something incredible.

After our little chat in the toilet we went back to our table where the guys and Alice were ready to leave. We tried to get out as quickly as possible so Edward wouldn't get hounded by people asking for his autograph, but alas, there always has to be one. The creepy French man went all fan girl and asked for an autograph _and_ a picture. I really had to restrain my laughter as Edward signed a napkin and dragged me away before Frenchy had the opportunity to turn on his camera.

Outside we said our goodbyes, and I promised Rose I would call and arrange a girly day out. I needed a few dresses for the European tour and she said she knew the best boutiques. After Edward uncomfortably man hugged Jasper and fist bumped Emmett, and threw a few more glares at the valet, we got in the car.

Overall I had had a wonderful night. I'll agree it hadn't gotten to the best of starts but it wasn't a complete disaster, either. And I couldn't blame Jake for getting mad, I was the one who had been the coward—as always—and decided to run and hide rather than face a mind-numbing few hours with my boyfriend. I should've done the right thing and said no to going to dinner with Edward, I shouldn't have made Jake feel inferior or second best to anyone. I could understand his blow up; he was feeling unloved and neglected. I should have stayed and made sure he knew that I loved him, he was a great friend. But in life you don't always do what you should, in fact people mostly do what they want, regardless of the consequences. But I knew what the result would be and I was prepared to face it as soon as I got home.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?" I answered as I looked out the window. It was a beautiful night, there was a slight chill in the air but you could see the stars, and that more than made up for it.

"Did you have a good time?"

I turned to look at him. He was in profile as he focused on the road, the glow from the outside lights created delicate shadows on his face.

"I had a great night."

He nodded. "Me too."

I don't think I was meant to hear his reply; he was talking more to himself than to me. But those two little words had me with butterflies; it wasn't just what he said but how he said them. It was barely above a whisper and so gentle. It made me think they meant more than what he intended to say.

The rest of the journey was spent in comfortable silence. I did nothing more than watch Edward for half an hour. And I could have sworn he looked different, he looked like he did when he was asleep; calm and peaceful, not a care in the world. I always thought Edward had a sad aura around him, but it had disappeared as we sat in his expensive car not talking.

I wanted to break the silence and ask questions. I knew he was troubled by his past, but that wasn't what I wanted to ask. As far as I was concerned his past was his to share as he wished; his memories were his own, and I had no right to them. I wouldn't ask unless he initiated the conversation. What I wanted to know was if Rosalie was on to something. It was delusional to think she might have been right, but it's so hard not to build castles in the sky.

Edward stopped right in front of my building and opened the car door for me. I thanked him as I always do; with a slightly besotted smile.

We stood facing each other for a few minutes, neither of us knowing how to end the night. How do you say goodnight to your boss who you like more than it's appropriate?

I should just give him a smile and say goodnight and walk away. But as I had already learnt what I should isn't what I do, at least not when Edward is concerned.

I closed the distance between us and rose on my tip toes, placing a shy kiss on his cheek.

I wasn't expecting him to return it; just a grin or a smirk would have sufficed. But Edward never could just meet expectations; he always had to surpass them. And surpass them he did.

He stepped closer as I placed the heels of my feet firmly on the floor, and enveloped me in a hug. I could smell his wonderful scent as he turned his face into my neck and kissed the spot where my jaw met my ear. For the briefest of moments I felt his soft lips on my skin. And even as he pulled away I could still feel the tingles his lips induced.

"Thank you for agreeing to come with me tonight."

I blinked a few times and nodded. I was meant to thank him for asking me to dinner, but for some unfathomable reason I couldn't remember the words I needed to use.

I stared at his face for a second longer before deciding I couldn't stand there without saying anything and looking like an utter imbecile.

I removed my keys from my clutch and made my way up the stairs to my apartment building. As I turned to lock the main door behind me, Edward was still standing by the side of his car, hands now in his pocket and a radiant smile on his face.

Maybe castles weren't being built on air.

* * *

**So... yeah, Bella met Rose and Alice . I know you all probably hate me for the way I made Alice, but I just didn't want her to be like all the other Alices out there. Don't worry she isn't as bad as Edward makes her out to be. It's all about perspective.**

**I've put all the outfits up on my profile. Right now I'm trying to find Rose and Alice's dresses, so check for them later if you want.  
**

**Also, Uni is about to start in a few days and I need to have loads of things organized. Unfortunately, that means I won't have a lot of time to write, so instead of doing crappy chapters I'm taking a mini break until I have things under control again. **

**I'm really really sorry for having to take a break this early in the story, especially when things are heating up. If I had my way I would write fanfic instead of reading historical journals and writing historiographical essays.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'll reply just as soon as this chapter is up.**

**All your opinions are extremely welcomed, so let me know what you think.**

**~SD  
**


	11. Doorways into the Inconceivable

**No, your eyes aren't deceiving you, I really have updated.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM and any films mentioned belong to whoever made them :D  
**

* * *

My corridor was dark, only lit by a single light by the stairs. There was no noise seeping through the cracks at the bottom of the doors, nor was there any faint glimmer coming from inside the apartments. This didn't really surprise me. It was after all nearly one in the morning. But even so, I had thought the light in my apartment would still be on. I had imagined that Jake would have waited for me to return home. I was sure he would want to point out once again my failings, continue to describe in detail my flaws. But no, he obviously had had enough for tonight.

As I opened my door everything was quiet and still, dark– the opposite of when I had left.

I turned on the light and locked the door.

There were reminders of the argument floating around – Jake's shoes were no longer by the entrance, the TV was off, and the magazine was where it had been left; laying on the floor near the dining room table, now ripped in two.

I threw my clutch on the sofa, slipped off my shoes, and unzipped my dress. I left my clothes were they fell and paced to the dining room in my miss-matched underwear. I picked up the magazine and flicked through the damaged pages, stopping at page five where Edward's picture had somehow managed to remain untouched.

It was amazing how anger could act as a truth serum. In those ten minutes between telling Jake I was choosing an evening with my boss over him and his car obsession, and leaving, Jake had gotten a lot off his chest. He didn't hold anything back; every disappointment he could remember was shoved in my face and so was every betrayal. In some ways he had been wrong; all of the mistakes made were not my fault, or at least, not completely mine. And the so called betrayals, were only so in his eyes. I didn't see having my own independent life and wanting to succeed as acts of disloyalty. But Jake had been right too; I was, and still am, a lousy girlfriend. This I have always known. But above all, he had been right about one thing: I didn't care enough. I never had. I never had a reason to.

It was easy to see that the way we were wasn't what we were meant to be. From the outside we looked like a happy couple, starting our life together, with nothing but love and adoration for one another. I knew this because throughout our relationship friends and family had always commented on how good we looked next to each other, how our personalities meshed together perfectly. And yes, we did look good on paper, from the outside – same socio-economic background, both from divorced families, same education. We were so similar, and we should have gone together like peanut butter and jam. The shell of our relationship was as close to ideal as you could get, but the inside... Well, the inside was bare and hollow. But we did have a lot of fun together, and Jake had many exceptional qualities that made him a wonderful person. However, when it comes down to it, having fun and him being sweet or affectionate, having charm or good people skills, just isn't enough. Our conversations were never deep, they simply skimmed the surface. I never allowed Jake to get to know who I really was, and he in turn, only showed me what he thought I wanted to see. Maybe that explains why we rarely fought; at some level we both must have been conscience of how little we were emotionally invested.

In some ways it was even laughable to see a five year relationship crumble because of one argument. I should have known better than to believe a relationship built upon sand could last anything, much less my flood of emotions towards Edward. But for this I did take full responsibility. I was the one who didn't give up even when I could see that there was nothing concrete about Jake and me together. But, just maybe, I could have something with someone built upon rock; strong and solid, forever lasting.

I looked down at the tattered magazine in my hands and decided to chuck it in the bin, only keeping page five and putting it under a magnet on the fridge. Not only did I want to see Edward's gorgeous pout every time I went into the kitchen but I also wanted to be reminded of what had happened. I wanted to keep the memory of Jake's anger filled eyes every time I got milk. I needed to remember how it was the first time I had seen him show real passion... even if it was laced with rage.

His words hadn't upset me; it wasn't as if he had told me anything I didn't already know. Instead what had me fuming was the fact that I had never, not once, evoked such strong emotions from him. Not even during sex. And even though I had anger swimming within me, there was also relief. He had ended things. He made the decision. The very dominant coward in me rejoiced.

I turned off the light in the living room and went straight to the shower. The warm water helped ease my mind and diverted my thoughts into a much more pleasant path. It let me appreciate for the first time the fact that I had kissed—no matter how chastely— and been kissed by a man who truly left me breathless and wanting more. Now his smile would occupy my thoughts more so than it already did.

I shut off the water and jumped into bed, too exhausted to dry myself or bother with pyjamas. I only wanted to go to sleep and maybe dream of melting smiles and adoring green eyes.

XXX

My morning didn't start well. Somehow my alarm didn't go off and I had twelve minutes to get my butt out of bed and be out of the door. I didn't have to be anywhere before noon, but I wanted to see Edward. And that was more than enough to have me tripping and falling to get ready.

The first thing my hand touched I put on, noticing only afterwards that the dress was grey. My jacket and shoes were chosen with equal care, as was my handbag. In less than twenty minutes I was running down the stairs, tying a ponytail, and in the car.

In no time I was standing in front of Edward's door. I couldn't wait to see what would greet me today; sleepy and sweet, or groggy and grumpy. I usually encountered the latter but I liked them both—grumpy was adorable.

As I put the key in the lock I tried to hold back the colossal smile that threatened to take up half my face. I hadn't realized I had been smiling until I stopped at a red light. While waiting for the light to turn green I liked looked around, see how other people's mornings were going. The man in the car to my left was already on his hands free device, not having a good day. The woman in the car to my right was starring at me. At first I didn't think anything of it, but then her eyes were glued to the side of my face. Becoming self conscious I checked the mirror to see if I had anything on my face, but there was only an enormous smile. It was so natural to be happy about seeing Edward that it had gone unregistered.

I opened the door and stepped inside, but I wasn't welcomed by Edward's smiling face or adorable droopy eyes. Rather I was face to face with a well put together model, in short shorts and ankle boots.

"It's about fucking time. How long do you think I can stand his company for?"

"Rose, what are you doing here?"

"What does it look like? I've been waiting for you— not in some weird soul mate way."

She grabbed my elbow and dragged me into the kitchen. Not the start to the day I had been hoping for.

The kitchen was its usual cold, sterile place, but that didn't matter. My eyes were held by the piercing green emeralds on the other side of the room; they were just as captivating today as they had been yesterday night, and still held that same smile that had me grinning uncontrollably. I loved that smile.

"Bella..." My name coming from his lips as a breathy sound.

I couldn't hold back my own dreamy whisper. "Edward."

"And I'm Rosalie. Glad to know we can all still remember our names; the kindergarten teachers would have been so proud."

It was hard to smile and glare at the same time, I unfortunately did not possess that talent but Edward did. He thankfully glared enough for the both of us.

I took a seat next to Edward and was immediately hit with his distinct sent. The urge to shuffle closer to him, to bury my face in the crook of his neck, to caress his hair— was so strong that I had to sit on my hands.

"Bella, why are you sitting down? I have places to be, people to bitch about, and shop assistants to scare. Get your ass up and let's go shopping."

"I don't think so, Rose. I have work."

"Oh, please. I checked with Em and he said the only thing Edward has going on today is the _Vanity Fair_ interview. And even though I doubt Edward's ability to take care of himself or survive without having others babying him, I'm sure he will be able to deal with one dude asking basic questions and scribbling crap down."

"It's not even nine and you're already insulting me, Rosalie. And on top of that you're insulting me in my own house."

Edward yawned and stretched, and for the first time I got a peek at his happy trail. Whoever named it that had been on to something; just one little glimpse and I was as happy as a sunshine and rainbows. Imagine what would happen if I followed it with my finger... or tongue...

"What's your point?" Rosalie asked in a bored tone.

"My point is... Actually, no, I'm not doing this. Just get out." Edward replied in a monotone voice, clearly not caring what Rose said. He just wanted her out, maybe to get some alone time with me?  
_  
Not getting ahead of yourself there at all._

"No can do, Eduardo. Bella and I have a date with some killer dresses. So why don't you go take a hike and let us get on with our day?"

"Give it up, Rose," I said as I got up to make Edward breakfast. "I'm not going. I can't just take days off randomly, and regardless, I want to go to the interview."

I spread jam on toast, and placed it on a plate.

"Aren't they bringing the pictures from the photo shoot?" I asked as I put the plate on the table and resumed my seat.

Edward grabbed a toast. "Yes, I think they are."

"Well, that's just too bad, princess. You're coming with me. End of story."

"Rosalie, you know about that hike? Go take it."

Edward's flippant reply had me silently laughing. I didn't want to laugh out loud; I was still slightly scared of Rosalie.

"Listen here, McGrouchy. You better convince Cinderella there to go with me or I'll tell her what I saw this morning."

Edward's crooked eyebrow made an appearance right then. "Emmett is a very lucky man; not only does his girlfriend have impeccable manners but she's also a blackmailer. Nice."

Rose placed her hands, palm down, on the table and leaned forward.

"Bella, this morning Edward walked out-"

I was suddenly hurled up from my seat, Edward's warm hand covering my elbow.

"That's a good boy, Cullen."

Rosalie grabbed her handbag and grinned, walking out of the kitchen.

Edward's thumb caressed the crook of my elbow. "After you," he indicated for me to walk in front.

I picked up my jacket and bag, and stood in front of the door where Rose was waiting.

"I swear Hale; if Bella wasn't here you wouldn't have gotten away with that little display." Edward's hand travelled to my lower back, and involuntary, I leaned in to his warmth.

"I'm disappointed Cullen, where's your bite? I expected for you to tell me to go eat shit at least once." Her grin told me she loved winding him up.

"Stick around for much longer and you might just get your wish."

I think that's where I should step in. Rose obviously didn't understand how annoyed Edward was getting, he wasn't used to people disagreeing with him on anything. Apart from Emmett and Jasper, Edward always heard 'Yes' from those he encountered, and no-one would dare to be as confrontational as Rose was being. His reputation didn't allow for that to happen.

"Rose, go and wait in the car. I'll be there in a bit."

"It was nice doing business with you, Cullen." She left after giving a scouts' salute.

I turned around and faced Edward. "Sorry about her, I didn't know Rose was going to come here."

"It's fine Bella; you can't be blamed for how annoying she is." He rubbed the rug with his foot, not looking at me.

"If you don't want me to go, I won't."

Edward looked up and gifted me with a small, tentative smile. "No, you should go. You need to get dresses and whatever other things girls have to get to go to premieres. And I've already had Jasper arrange for your Christmas bonus to be deposited in your account—you should go and spend it."

Sometimes Edward could be such a peculiar, handsome thing. "Christmas? Edward, you are aware it's the beginning of September?"

He rested his shoulder against the door frame, just like he had done yesterday. The result was the same; butterflies immediately began flapping their wings. "It's for last Christmas."

"I began working for you at the end of June," I responded, with laughter in my voice.

Edward shrugged and grinned.

"Ok, I better get going or Rose might stab me with one of her nails."

Straight away his head fell a bit, disappointment written all over his face.

I couldn't stop my feet from walking closer to him. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm being silly. I just... I just thought I would get to spend the day with—" He shook his head again and straightened up.

I hope he doesn't expect me to be able to function after telling me something like that. I knew what the last word he intended to finish the sentence with was. I sucked in a breath, because right then he had me breathless. There was nowhere else I wanted to be, no-one else I wanted to be with. I wanted this moment to stretch for eternity, just him and I and this indescribable thing sparking to life between us.

"You should get going." His hand rose up and brushed a strand of hair that had come loose from my ponytail behind my ear. "Have a nice day."

And then he kissed me. It was only on my cheek but it was still a kiss. It was just like mine had been yesterday; shy and careful.

I nodded and said goodbye with a hug. I wanted to be close to him if I was going to have to be away from him for an entire day.

I walked to Rose's Mercedes and plopped down on the passenger's side; I was still somewhat annoyed at her for interrupting what could have been a lovely day.

"Buckle up and let's get this show on the road."

I answered in the most juvenile way I knew how; I turned away and faced the window. I didn't want to be in a confined space with her, but rather with him. I had the urge to return to my petulant teenager years and tell her that she was major sucksville.

"Come on Beauty, don't be like that. You'll be back to your Beast soon enough."

"Rose, don't be horrible, he's a wonderful person," I answered crossing my arms and huffing. I could see insults like bumface and pooie in the horizon if she kept insulting Edward.

"No, Bella, he really isn't. You just have your rose coloured glasses on."

"That's not true. You just don't know him, you don't get him."

Rose laughed and shouted something abusive at another driver. "What's there to get? Edward's a moody over grown teenager with too much power and money."

"I think you're the one who doesn't perceive him in the right light; he's not moody, I would say he's intense."

"Right, right." The laughing began once again. "And would you say he's rude?"

"Not at all, he is very polite. I can only assume you interpret his quietness as rudeness."

"Uh-huh. Quietness... I think you mean he's closed off to the world. Aloof, arrogant, thinks he's on a class of his own— Above all others."

I could feel my face burning red, not from embarrassment of any kind, but rather from anger. "That is not true! Edward's closed off because he has to be, he can't trust anyone in this business. When it's just us he is open and caring, incredibly sweet. The arrogance is only there as a defence mechanism, and why shouldn't he be arrogant about his abilities? He is one of the best actors in Hollywood, and he will most likely go down in history as one of the best of all time. And he is right to think he's in a class of his own—because he is!"

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. Damn it all and everything.

"You sure are a fiery, little thing and as easy to wind up as Cullen." She turned and smirked.

"Rose, this is not funny."

"I know, but damn, it feels like I'm pulling teeth here. How long is it going to take for you to realize you have feelings for him?"

"Thanks for the help, but I can figure things out on my own."

"I know you can. But sometimes in life we just need a little push to get things rolling faster... I decided I want to be that tiny shove. Emmett wants Edward happy, so I want him happy. I think you can help him with that."

And just like that I felt Rose become a friend rather than an acquaintance. Her earlier antagonistic behaviour had only been to show me how deep my feelings ran for Edward, even if it was very unnecessary. She wanted him happy—no matter what her reason was— it was enough for me to consider her a friend of mine.

XXX

For the remainder of the journey we listened to music and talked about the boutiques Rose would be taking me to. We discussed what dresses I would be looking for, accessories and jewellery. It was enjoyable and I was happy to once again have a female friend close to me. I had missed the girlie chats and the camaraderie that came with knowing that we had experienced many of the same things in life.

Rose parked in one of those multiplex car parks and we descended into an impressive street, with posh boutiques lining both sides of the road. Women with Chihuahuas were walking around with their designer shoes and handbags worth as much as houses. I felt out of place; I wasn't a part of this world but at the same time I was—an insider but still an outsider. It was a confusing place to be.

After stopping to grab coffee we got ready for the battle that would be finding five outfits. I needed a different dress for each of the premieres. I had spoken to Jasper on Friday and knew what kind of things I should buy; Rome, Paris and L.A. would be formal so floor length gowns would be required. London would be more chilled out but I still needed to look well-dressed, but the premiere in Berlin would be during the day so it was casual all the way.

I told Rose about this and she jumped on the idea of picking out my outfit for the Berlin premiere. I was hesitant to agree; she did after all have a liking for loud colours and crazy prints. And even thought I knew it was probably a terrible idea, inevitably I gave in. Rose was exceedingly persuasive, something that didn't surprise me at all.

We walked into the first boutique, and were offered champagne and strawberries. Not what I was used to—you just don't get that sort of treatment in H&M.

"Ok, let's do Berlin first." Rose clapped her hands and began looking through the extremely well-organized racks.

"Remember: nothing too bright, not too much cleavage, if it goes above mid-thigh then it's a no, if I can see my bellybutton—I'm not wearing it, and if it looks like something Paris Hilton would wear then don't bring it near me."

"Got it, you want to keep it within the naughty secretary look."

I ate one of the strawberries and snorted. Yes, I know its attractive behaviour. "Naughty secretary? No, I don't want to dress like that either."

Rose held up a stripy yellow dress with hideous bows, it was an instant 'Hell no'.

"So, you want to stray from your usual look?"

I picked up a frilly silk dress, only to have my hand slapped away.

"My usual look is not that of a naughty secretary."

"Sure it is." Rose put down a revolting skirt and looked me up and down. "Yes, most definitely. You look like a serious secretary who likes to be spanked in her free time and bent over her boss's desk and be fucked from behind."

I was too stunned to do anything but blink, repeatedly. I could hear the shop assistants giggling by the fitting rooms.

Dear God I hope I don't look like what Rose described.

"Oh, don't give me that shocked crap. I didn't say it was a bad thing. No wonder Edward walked out of the bathroom with a cat that got the cream smile... I can only imagine what he was doing in there—Ew, scratch that, I don't want to imagine it."

I wanted to ask her what exactly she thought he was doing in the bathroom, but I wasn't as naive as to start that conversation. I had a good idea of what she was insinuating. I quickly gulped down half of my champagne and took a deep breath; I didn't want to have dirty fantasies in the middle of a store.

And that was how the next six hours were spent; Rose teasing me mercilessly about all things Edward, me telling Rose to keep her voice down, and choosing outfits.

We did well, getting everything I could possibly need and more. I was glad Rose took me shopping—she was more daring when it came to fashion and encouraged me to be the same. I ended up with bolder colours, lower necklines, and edgier shapes. But I was apprehensive about the outfit Rose chose for me; it was too... well, not me. It was nice and feminine, but the corset top was a bit overtly sexy. But in the end Rose convinced me it looked great, she said Edward would approve—that was enough for me. Not only that, but she also threatened to hurt me if I didn't buy it.

After so much shopping we decided to grab lunch.

I took a seat and started reading the menu; it consisted of mainly salads—As if I was going to want to eat leaves after all that exercise.

"I was speaking to Alice this morning and she suggested we do something together, maybe a spa day?"

Er, how do you say no? Because I really didn't want to go anywhere with the little, crazy thing.

"I don't know, Rose... Edward's schedule is pretty packed." It wasn't a lie.

"Don't give me bullshit. Alice isn't _that_ bad. You just have to get to know her, underneath all the pinkness and lunatic exterior there is a very sweet girl."

"Uh-huh. Edward doesn't seem to think so."

"If Mother Teresa was marrying Jasper Edward would think she was a golddigger."

I laugh because it's true. "Fine, but you do not get to ambush me. You will wait for me to call you and arrange it. Deal?"

"I'm going to have to wait till cows start flying, but it's a deal."

We eat quickly; Rose has an appointment with some celebrity at three and I'm eager to go back to Edward's house. His interview should be finished by then and I have to ask him stuff... Ok, blatant lie. I just want to spend time with him again.

Somewhere in my mind a little voice warns that I'm becoming incredibly attached to a man who I've known for less than three months. And on top of that his past history does not bode well. As far as I know he never had a serious relationship, probably has a dozen women on the go, and doesn't feel for me what I feel for him –Even though I have no definite idea of what to call those feelings.— But nonetheless, the random gentle caresses he gifts me with say otherwise.

Rose dropped me off at the beginning of Edward's drive way and I made my way up. I'm three steps away from the front door when it opens, Edward waiting on the other side with a grin.

"Hey." Just like this morning his voice is silky soft, barely audible, but able to awake emotions within me that I have never felt for another person.

I wanted to tell him I missed him, or that I thought about him all day, that every conversation included his name. In the end I settled for a simple "Hi."

"How was your day with Brainless Barbie?"

Geeze, how can two people dislike each other so much when they're rarely in contact?

"Be nice," I admonished as I sit down on the sofa. "It was good, I bought everything I needed."

Edward joined me, sitting close to my left. He looks gorgeous in baggy sweat pants and white t-shirt.

"How was the interview?"

"Boring. He asked random questions, but at least he was original. He even asked me what my favourite film was."

"And that is?"

"_The Princess Bride_," Edward answers with a smirk.

I curled my leg under me and faced him fully.

"_The Princess Bride_? Really? I would have thought you would choose something like _Citizen Kane_ or _The Godfather_, maybe an Alfred Hitchcock film."

"I'm a comedy kind of guy."

"Edward, all your films have been dramas."

He shuffles closer and turns on the plasma TV. "Just because I make dramas doesn't mean I have to like the genre. Films are meant to be an escape, why would I want to escape into a depressing world? Comedy is by far the best option."

"I completely agree. I myself am a great fan of _Airplane_, _Caddyshack_ and _The Life of Brian_. But _The Princess Bride_ is also hilarious... I haven't seen it in years."

He laughs at my options and gets up to put in a DVD. Five minutes later we are watching _The Princess Bride_. The curtains have been drawn, I'm now snuggling under a fluffly throw and Edward is closer than before—I can feel the warmth radiating from his body. Wonderful doesn't begin to cover it.

We both start laughing at the first 'Inconceivable' uttered. No matter how many times you watch it it's always funny.

Throughout the film we get closer and closer, shifting and shuffling to get nearer to each other. By the time the end credits are rolling, I'm flush against Edward's right side, and his arm is around me. If anyone walked in right then we would appear like a couple instead of employer and employee.

I inwardly groan when he pulls away to turn on the lights and remove the DVD. But I decide I still don't want to leave. Getting up I go into the kitchen and feel him silently follow me.

Together we make a ham and cheese omelette, talking about mundane things, random topics, and weird subjects. But somehow Edward manages to make a discussion on cheese exciting. I could see myself having days of nothingness with him, just cooking or watching films. I can picture myself next to him in the kitchen, bedroom and film sets. And all of that scares me so much— the man who was once a detested boss had become someone who I could come to love beyond all reason.

I guess nothing is inconceivable.

After dinner I left, not because I wanted to but rather because it was appropriate to do so. By the door we both starred at each other—clearly disappointed our evening had come to an end—but neither able to express or touch upon what was happening.

We said goodbye in our new way; a hug and a kiss. But tonight the hug was tighter and his lips lingered for longer on my skin.

I cringed as I entered my car; I cringed when I entered my building. They were cold and empty, nothing in comparison to the wholeness I felt as I had hugged Edward. I was well aware that I was starting to become more and more dependent upon his presence; my happiness only making an appearance when he was near.

As I walked up the stairs I expected for a few lights to be on, for sounds to leak through the doors. It was only eleven. What I didn't expect was for sound, light to come from my apartment.

I carefully twisted the key in the lock. I wasn't met with an empty room or with no shoes by the door, but rather by a six-foot five man on my sofa, elbows resting on knees, and a grim face. What surprised me most was not his presence but rather the sea of glossy magazines that surrounded him.

I closed the door, shrugged off my jacket and waited.

Jacob picked up one of the magazines and threw it on the coffee table. "Explain."

* * *

***Hiddes behind a rock* Please don't hate me for the cliffie, it was where the chapter wanted to end. It wouldn't have made sense to continue it beyond that point.  
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**Thanks to everyone who took the time to review on the last chapter, I read them all. Also, I can't reply to anonymous reviews , but thank you for them too.  
**

**Outfits can be found on my profile as always.  
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**Thanks for reading.  
**

**~SD  
**


	12. Silence Says So Much

**Hey! I felt so bad about the cliffie that I decided to write this chapter as quickly as my schedule allowed me. I even stopped reading 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. Horror of horrors, I know.**

**Disclaimer: Bella, Edward and Jacob are not mine.  
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From where I was standing I couldn't see what Jake wanted me to explain, but whatever it was, I was sure it would involve Edward and I.

Jacob's face stayed rigid as my expression remained untroubled. There was nothing to explain; whatever those images contained I was positive it didn't show us locking lips or me doing anything to Edward that could be construed as inappropriate. Yes, we had a working relationship, but above all we were friends, meaning I could show affection without having to justify my actions.

For innumerable moments the room was filled with nothing but silence, neither of us budging on the issue. He wanted an answer which I was adamant I would not give. My relationship with Edward was innocent; I had never been intimate with him in any way that would make me feel guilty. I undoubtedly had feelings for him, but I never acted on them except for chaste caresses here and there, small touches to convey, only to him, my feelings.

Jacob leaned back on the sofa and crossed his huge arms over his chest, his chin jutting forward. He was clearly angry, but he also looked self-righteous, as if he had discovered whatever he thought he knew all along.

If it had been about anything else I would have cowered, spilling forth apologies and making sure no bridges had been burned. I was, admittedly, a coward. But there was one thing that would make my claws come out. Unfortunately for Jacob the matter at hand was the only exception to my usual behaviour. I was unwilling to allow anyone to desecrate what I had with Edward— what we had together. Jacob would not be hearing how sorry I was for things I had not done, and if he even attempted to insult Edward I could foresee a very ugly argument in the works.

Understanding that our equal amounts of stubbornness could mean that this would become a drawn out affair I decided to change into something more comfortable. I left the living room not sparing Jacob a second glance, but he followed my movements until I slammed the bedroom door in his face.

I calmly undressed and put on a baggy sweater and comfy pyjama bottoms, and slipped on my furry slipper boots for extra warmth. I took a deep breath before exiting the bedroom. I would give Jacob the complete truth, just like he'd given me yesterday.

The open plan layout of the apartment meant I located Jacob within seconds, he was standing in front of the fridge, his fists clenched by his side as he intensely regarded the small picture of Edward stuck under the magnet. He must have felt my presence as his head tipped ever so slightly in my direction, but didn't remove his eye from the page in front of him.

I took a seat in the dining room and broke the silence; I had better things to do than to listen to emptiness.

"Well, what do you want me to explain?" My voice was controlled, no emotions poured through. To me this had become somewhat of a business negotiation, after all, the relationship was as good as dead after last night's confrontation.

Jacob's eyes were instantly on mine. He rapidly made his way into the living room and picked up a handful of magazines, leaving some behind. He came to stand opposite of where I was seated, and threw one magazine at a time in front of me-- they made a loud thumping sound as they were slammed on the table.

It was then I comprehended what he wanted me to explain; Edward and I were plastered on every front page. One of the headlines read 'Cullen's New Conquest', and the others contained similar titles. But the thing that struck me most was that to someone who didn't know who I was my identity would remain elusive. The photographs had been taken in the darkened restaurant, obviously with a camera phone and no flash. Edward's face was immediately identifiable only because he was recognizable film star and because the light from the small candle on the table lit his profile. My face, on the other hand, was veiled by my curls and in some of the pictures by Edward himself.

"I want you to explain this," Jacob opened one of the magazines and pointed at a photo. "And this." He opened another. "And maybe even this," Jacob snarked and opened all the magazines with sharp flicks of his wrist.

In one of the magazines a photograph had been blown up to cover an entire page. I couldn't argue that the picture didn't look incriminating, because it did. To an outsider it appeared to be an intimate moment. Edward and I were in profile, him on my right, his arm thrown over my chair. He was leaning forward as if to whisper something to me, his lips only seconds away from making contact with my earlobe. His face blocked mine from view but it was obvious I was reciprocating his attentions; my hand was on top of his thigh. I knew that the moment captured wasn't representative of the entire evening; it must have been taken when the bombshell of his past had been dropped. I had been trying to reassure him that I would not judge him in any way for what he had experienced. But as I looked at the other pictures I noticed that it wasn't the only very private moment that had taken place and photographed; there were pictures of us laughing, of looking as if we were about to kiss, of holding hands, and of exchanging longing stares. It was odd how I hadn't realized how much we looked like a couple, a couple very much in love.

I shifted my eyes from the magazine to Jacob. "What about them?" I tried to sound as indifferent as I possibly could—the emotion I saw in Edward's eyes in those photos had me a bit shaky.

"Are you kidding me?" Jacob thundered. "You are practically fucking him in the photos, they are all over the country, and you don't see anything wrong with them?!"

I crossed my arms as he had done before. "No, I don't. It is very clear we are having a conversation, _certainly_ not fucking."

Jacob barked out a humourless laugh before picking a magazine up. "Oh, really? Well, listen to this... _The couple walked in glued at the hip, left holding hands, and went home in the same car. It was clear Edward Cullen is totally enamoured by his date; his eyes didn't leave her for more than a second, and they even fed each other morsels of food. When two of the guys at their table got up they were talking about Cullen and the mystery woman, it seemed they both agreed that it was only a matter of time before the couple went public_."

I seriously wanted to hunt down whoever had made that statement. I firstly wanted to hurt them for being so accurate in their description of our evening, and then I wanted them to tell me more about what they'd heard.

"Any truth in that or are you going to say it's all a lie?" Jacob asked through a sneer.

"I would say it's slightly exaggerated; we weren't glued at the hip. And I don't know about the enamoured looks or conversation. But yes, the rest seems correct."

"What the fuck, Bella? Are you admitting to an affair? Is that it?"

Jacob started pacing, his steps heavy and irritating.

"No. I never said I was having an affair with Edward. We're just very good friends."

The humourless laugh returned. "Yeah, I can imagine. You must be real friendly when he fucks your brains out."

I bit the side of my cheek to try to keep my temper—losing it now wouldn't help matters.

I got up and went into the living room trying to calm down and not start screaming at Jacob. He didn't know anything about anything. To him any act of affection was only the prelude to sex; a hug had to lead to a kiss, which had to lead to me being on my back.

"Is that why I can't even touch you anymore? Why we haven't had sex in over three months? You're fucking him so you don't want to fuck me."

This business of trying to keep my head on wasn't going to work if he continued to speak to me in this manner. I was edging closer and closer to telling him to get out and never come back into my life again, but underneath I knew I needed to get this resolved before moving on.

"Jacob, I'll answer whatever you want, but if you speak to me like that again you can just get your stuff and leave."

I sank down on the sofa and waited for his questions.

Jacob's jaw clenched as my words sank in. I was giving him an option, he could either take it or leave it, but this conversation was going to follow my rules or he would never again have a chance to get his answers.

He sat down on the coffee table, visibly calmer but still angry, incredibly so.

Once again we fell into silence, eyes locked— his trying to decipher what I was feeling, mine trying to hide how unwilling I was to have this conversation.

"Fine. Are you having an affair?"

My answer was quick and definite. "No."

"How do you expect me to believe that when I see photos of him and you looking as intimate as it gets?"

"Pictures may speak a thousand words but they can be the wrong words. I'm telling you I'm not having an affair therefore I'm not."

"Right, right." Jacob leaned forward, adopting the position he had been in when I walked into the apartment. "I thought you didn't like him."

"I didn't, but things change."

"Yeah, they do." Suddenly Jacob went from being angry to looking as if he ran over a puppy-- pain was written across his face. "What happened to us, Bella? When did things go so wrong?"

I took a deep breath. This was the conversation we should've had years ago. "I think things have never been right."

"No, that's not true. Before we moved to L.A. things were good, we were happy." Jacob looked into my eyes, trying to show me how he felt. "We were so in love, Bella. Things were as close to perfect as they get."

I hugged my knees and tried to keep my voice steady as I told him the truth, hoping it wouldn't shatter him. "Jake, I was never really happy. Our relationship was just... I don't know. I guess I was too afraid to let go and stayed with you even when I should have ended it. And I should have done it years ago."

Jacob shook his head decisively. "No, no. Don't say things that aren't true. Our relationship was great before you got this job. We are perfect together, everyone says so."

"No, we aren't. We are as flawed as they come. This,"-- I gestured between us-- "isn't real, it's a friendship that should've never gone anywhere. And I'm to blame, completely, for not stopping it before we got too comfortable to break away," I whispered.

Jake's head fell and his hands clenched his jeans. "You're just saying that because you're mad, you don't mean it." His voice was raw and shaky as he continued. "All we need to do is go back to how we were. I'm going to get a promotion soon and you can quit your job, or we can move back to Forks, and then things will be fine. Things will go back to how they were." Jacob was speaking rapidly, his voice still trembling. "In a few years we can get married and have children, or we can do that now. Charlie and Billy will be ecstatic and so will we."

It was so sad seeing Jacob clutching at straws that simply weren't there. Tears fell from my eyes as I tried to stop his delusional ramblings, he was obviously distraught.

"We can get therapy, maybe that'll help. And anything else, anything at all that you want, I'll give you. But we have to keep trying, Bella, because this can't end. I love you too much to let it all go down the drain. I- I, Bella, please, let's keep fighting for this, it's worth it."

Jacob dropped to his knees in front of me and took my hands in his-- a man drowning in desperation.

This was it, the end of the line.

"Jake, I don't-" My voice now watery as big, fat tears ran down my cheeks.

"Do you love me, Bella?"

His sudden question caught me unprepared; unsure of how to answer I gave him honesty. "Yes, b-" The rest of the word was cut as my lips were smothered by his, as was the negation of my feelings.

I tried to push him away, but instead he leaned more heavily onto me, his hands leaving mine and framing my face. He became more forceful the more I tried to get away from his harsh lips. But Jake was so much bigger, stronger, and overpowered me completely. His tongue slipped through my lips and I turned my face to the side in attempt to evade his probing kiss. Jake released my mouth but only to move to my neck. Wet, open kisses were planted on me; I cringed every time his skin touched mine.

I didn't want him to touch me; every sweep of his tongue was making me feel dirty. This wasn't what I wanted, these were not the kisses I longed for, and he was not the man I yearned to be with.

"Jake!" I'd hoped my voice would come out as strong, commanding, but the racking sobs ripping through my throat didn't allow for that to happen.

"Bella, Bella. We can do this... I love you."

He became gentler, his hands now roaming my body. He clutched on to my hips and dragged me forward slightly so that I was on the edge of the sofa—completely facing him.

"We're meant to be together, just you and me."

For the briefest of seconds I questioned whether or not this was true, it was only the time it took for me to blink, but in that time Jake had removed my sweater and his shirt. His skin was uncomfortably hot against mine, not the usual warmth I had become accustomed to. His scent was even repulsive, far too strong, nothing like Edward's enticing smell.

So many things ran through my head, but I couldn't hold a thought. Things were moving out of my control, if I didn't end it now I would forever regret it. Every time Jake's hands touched me intimately a tear fell, a shudder went through me. I was betraying my feelings by allowing this to continue. I was betraying everything I felt for Edward.

I was betraying Edward.

I went limp. That thought was all I needed. I could hurt myself but I could never hurt Edward.

"Take your hands off of me!" I screamed and pushed away with my hands and legs, doing everything to break away from his powerful arms.

It didn't take much. Jake immediately moved back as if he had been burnt.

With clumsy movements I struggled to get up and grab my sweater. I hurriedly put it on and snatched my key from my handbag. I wasn't in a state to drive but I wasn't going to stay in and deal with Jacob any longer. In fact, I wasn't going to deal with Jacob anymore, never.

I turned around once. Jacob was still kneeling on the floor a dazed look on his face.

"Don't be here when I come back."

XXX

I don't know if I closed the door, I don't remember running down the stairs, I don't even remember getting in the car. But I knew where I was going the instant I turned away from Jacob.

The electric gates opened as soon as I typed in the code. I stopped the car the moment I entered the property and ran up the drive way, tripping twice on my way.

As much as I searched I couldn't find the keys for the door so I knocked erratically, trying to keep myself together. My knocks became quieter as I realized that he might not be in, maybe he was out with someone.

The salt trails on my cheeks were now being washed away by fresh tears as I lifted my hand for another knock. Before I could touch the wood the door opened, dimmed light bathing the figure in front of me.

"Bella?"

My lips trembled as I tried to answer, but instead of words only stupid hiccups emerged. But I didn't need to say anything. He understood.

His arms enveloped me in a gentle hug; I stepped closer to him and threw my arms around his waist. I needed him so much, needed him to comfort me with his presence, and above all, I needed his reassurance that he would be there for me.

I sucked in a deep breath, his scent so different from any other making me feel marginally better. I squeezed my arms around him in an attempt to get him to tighten his arms around my shoulders. He did— Edward made sure there wasn't any space between his body and mine; every part of him was touching me, making me feel safe.

When my teary hiccups died down to quiet sniffles Edward released me from his hug and led me to the living room and sat me down on the sofa, all the while keeping an arm around my faintly shaking shoulders.

I hated being this weak, of showing so much emotion when there was no real reason for me to be like this. I broke up with Jacob and I had known this was where we would end up sooner or later. If it had continued being a conversation I would have handled the situation a lot better, no breaking down and crying on Edward's probably very expensive t-shirt. It was those kisses, the touches which I had shied away from for months, that had shattered me. In some ways it was incomprehensible how I reacted to his hands being on me. Before moving to L.A. we had sex once, twice a week, nothing exciting or particularly enjoyable but I didn't feel unclean when he came near. And yet, now it was a different matter completely; I would prefer to gouge my eyes out than be naked with him in the same room.

It really was perplexing. Maybe my body was reacting to what my mind or even heart was saying? Every level of my consciousness was telling me something had not been right in the relationship, which was why I couldn't stand Jacob and his attempts to get me into bed. My reaction was a warning sign; I had to get away because inside I was unhappy, I was falling into darkness with every passing day, and if I didn't get out I would eventually never see the light again. The relationship had stopped my life from moving forward, had prevented me from growing.

"Bella, angel, what happened?" Edward whispered as he tucked a throw around me.

I shook my head; I wasn't ready to talk about it.

Edward's concerned green eyes searched my face as he wiped away my tears with his long fingers; the pads of his thumbs lightly caressed my jaw as if he feared I would break into a million pieces if he exerted more pressure.

He was so kind, unbelievably wonderful. I was lucky to have him here with me, thankful for whatever miraculous twist of fate made our paths cross.

"Do you want some water?"

"N-no." I pushed the throw away and hugged him, not caring if I was coming across as desperate or needy.

But Edward didn't seem to mind, he turned around so he could hug me fully. My head finding its home snuggled into the crook of his neck and his cheek naturally came to rest near my ear. Somehow I ended up in his lap, our limbs intertwined all the way to our feet.

We stayed in the same position until the blackness outside turned to light blue, streaks of yellows and pinks colouring the sky. All that time Edward stroked my back carefully, mumbled soft words in my ear and dropped precious kisses to my brow. Not once did his arms leave me, nor did he press me for details—he was just there, expecting nothing and giving everything.

It must have been five in the morning when his sleepy voice disturbed the peaceful silence of the living room.

"Are you feeling better?"

I felt more than heard his question; his lips were pressed against my ear, his words inaudible.

I drank in his scent before answering in a sigh, "Yes."

"Let's go get some sleep, angel."

Tiredly, Edward stood up and offered me his hand. Securely clasping my hand in his, he led the way upstairs, turning around every step to make sure I was still ok, that I hadn't broken down.

"Um, well, there's six bedrooms... er, five. One is Ham's but I'm not sure you want to sleep with a stinky dog."

Only Edward could make me smile even with all that had happened in the last few hours.

Upon seeing the weak, barely there thing that could only in the best of circumstances pass for a smile, Edward's eyes became lighter, his posture relaxed fractionally. And, he too, feebly attempted a smile of his own. We were a sad, sad pair but it didn't matter, we got it...we understood without letters, words or phrases.

"You can choose any room you want."

He meant it. I could tumble into sleep anywhere, he wouldn't deny me anything.

I picked what I wanted. I didn't make a great show of deciding, I didn't pretend I was embarrassed by the choice I made. Instead I tugged on his hand and went into my favourite room of the house. The navy walls were beautiful, the bed enormous and welcoming.

Lingering on the edge of the bed I leaned down to remove my slipper boots and soon found myself tucked in. Edward's smell was everywhere, protecting me from unpleasant thoughts and lulling me ever closer to the peacefulness that would come with sleep.

I slowly turned to my side as the bed dipped and the covers were partially lifted. Seconds later a warm arm curved around my waist. Edward's eyes were cloaked by darkness; the lights were turned off, the curtains were drawn and every door was closed. I couldn't see anything, but I felt him near, felt his breath on my cheek.

His arm slowly unwrapped from around my waist and gradually Edward's hand made a consoling path up to the side of my face, leaving tingles every time he touched slivers of exposed skin.

I didn't like that I could feel emptiness amid his body and mine, the space between us seemed so immense even if it was only a few inches. Without moving too much I shuffled closer to Edward and pressed my lips to his t-shirt covered chest, moving upwards until I found his neck.

Slurring from tiredness I told him all that needed to be said. "It's over. I ended it."

Edward cradled my face with both of his hands. And even though I couldn't see him, I could feel his stare trying to make out my expression in the darkness.

"Edward..."

"I know."

I hadn't needed to finish my sentence for my feelings to be made clear. He knew why I ended the relationship, he understood I wanted him, knew what I was trying to tell him even when I didn't know it myself.

In the stillness of the early morning, in all-encompassing darkness, Edward leaned forward. His forehead rested against mine. His nose touched mine. And ever so slowly his lips brushed mine.

Nothing, no words, can describe the feeling that spread through me as his soft lips touched my mouth for the first time. My body left the mortal realm and was lifted to where cherubs play amongst fluffy clouds. I would do anything to feel this heaven every day.

The tendrils of his untameable hair tickled my temple as I inclined my head to feel more of his silkiness and suck in his breath. Edward pushed my lips apart gently and languidly licked the seam of my mouth. He peppered small kisses before, eventually, taking my bottom lip in between his, sucking on it slowly, and then making sure he gave the same sweet attention to my top one.

The way his mouth moved had me edging closer to him, wanting to taste him more deeply. But Edward kept the kisses unhurried, taking great care to lavish every part of my mouth with delicious brushes of his. My tongue didn't tangle with his; this was a consoling kiss, not fervent or urgent. We knew more would come later, there was no need to hungrily eat at each other's mouths. Instead this kiss was a delightful promise, a short insight into the future we could come to have if we gave it chance. I intended to give it more than a chance. Now that I was certain of what I wanted, I would do my upmost to have it, to make sure we both had what we had been craving for months.

Bit by bit his mouth travelled all over my face, leaving tiny moist spots where the cushy pads of his lips settled. He covered every speck of skin until he returned to where he started, and spent what seemed an eternity making sure the breath we breathed was the same.

Edward fell asleep with his lips kissing me, still moving occasionally as he mumbled something incoherent in slumber. I only stayed awake long enough to make sure I would never in my life forget this moment. When it was safely tucked away in the recesses of my mind I followed Edward into sleep, knowing I would be finding him in my dreams.

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**I know! Who would have thought Jacob would lead Bella straight to Edward?! **

**Anyways, thanks to anyone who has reviewed. I'm slowly replying to them all, like I said I would. All the wonderful comments really mean loads, they make me smile, and some even make me snort with laughter (you know who you are).  
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**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.**


	13. A Worried Mind

**Hello there *waves* My 3 hour lecture was cancelled today. Guess how I spent my time ?**

**So, this isn't really a chapter, it's more like a brief moment in Edward's mind. Nothing exciting happens but I think it's an important little snipet of information. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM, but I will very soon have my own 'New Moon Sountrack'... is it sad that I'm super excited? Oh, well *shrugs***

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I've had a few defining moments in my life: Getting left behind, Jasper saving my ass the first time, Emmett punching me, first day of drama club, getting discovered in a shitty, dust filled theatre, hearing my first 'And cut', standing on a stage receiving my first Golden Globe and thanking God I turned it all around. These were the moments that changed my life, shaped who I was to become and made me who I am. But the moment I kissed Bella was by far the most significant.

The first touch of my lips on hers and I was a goner. I could never go back to who I was before her, not that I wanted to. Bella had become so important, and now I was sure that if she told me to jump, I would simply ask her 'How high?' without a moment's hesitation. I was damn right pussy-whipped.

But, God all mighty, I knew she would taste good, and she did. Every part of my body strained to get closer to her; all of my nerve endings tingled from where her little hands touched me. I wanted her so much, wanted to kiss her until we fainted, wanted to move on top of her and rub myself all over her delicious body. The need to undress her and tangle about the bed naked was complete mind-fuckery. But the worse thing was trying to hold back—because I had to, she wasn't in any state to be manhandled by me— it was physically painful to kiss her plump lips and not get a hard on. My brain was going fucking insane. I tried to not think about what I was doing, because if I did, I was going to get wood the size of fucking Mount Everest, and that was shitty. There she was, lying on my bed, still in pieces from whatever that bloody asshole did to her, and my cock could only think about finding some way to rip her PJ bottoms off and push inside her softness. I couldn't have that. I only wanted to make her feel better. The stubborn being in my pants that kept twitching left and right would make her feel uncomfortable. Un-fucking-acceptable.

So I trailed gentle kisses, because she deserved them, keeping things as innocent as possible. And even though in some ways it was near impossible, in others it wasn't. Bella was delicate, ever so tiny; she had to be touched with care and affection, and damn me if I didn't try. I sucked slowly on her bottom lip, taking all the time in the world to soak up all her little moans and the delectable way she sighed into my mouth. I let my hands ghost over her luscious body, memorizing by touch the contours of her waist, arms, neck and face. But, even though I wanted to be soothing, I also wanted to show her how much I'd hungered to be this close to her. How every night— since that evening in front of her apartment—just the memory of her made me spend hours in the bathroom taking care of the consequence of thinking about her naked, half-naked, or even fully clothed in those naughty outfits she liked wearing so much.

I swear she does it just to torture me and see how far my self control will hold out for... someday it might snap and I might fuck her senseless behind a door... No, of course I would never do that to Bella. Instead I would spread her on my bed; kiss every inch of her downy skin, all the while whispering to her how beautiful she was. And then I would try to make fireworks go off for her, make her feel good using my hands, cock, and tongue. God, I couldn't wait for the moment when I would be able to make love to her.

It would take a while, she was still so shaken up from ending it with numbnuts, I was sure she wouldn't want to go into a relationship any time soon, but I'd be damned if I let her cry over the dumbass. There was really one thing to do: make her forget him completely. Maybe I could achieve that. My kisses seemed to have made her happy and that was all that I really wanted; Bella smiling and ecstatic with life. So I kept kissing her, not letting my tongue touch hers. It would take Herculean strength to pull me away from her if that happened. I could already see myself ripping her clothes, nibbling all that bare soft skin... Shit, those tiny rose-coloured peaks that were screaming to be bitten.

_Holy fuckery! The imagery is not helping, moron._

The damn voice in my head—the one who usually called me a dickhead, moron, douchebag, etc.—was also telling me that kissing Bella was an idiotic move. Nothing good could ever come from a relationship with me, so kissing Bella was just downright stupid. I couldn't give her what she wanted; I would never be able to come up to scratch and be the man someone like her deserves.

And if it wasn't enough that I was as shitty a person as I could get, there was also the problem of my day job. If I was with Bella pictures would be taken and she would have to live a life she'd never asked for. Could I put her through fucked up ordeals just because I wanted her? I don't think I would ever forgive myself if those fucking dimwits on Tv criticised something she wore or said, if they made snide comments about her perfect body or lovely hair. What if they followed her around, snapping pictures of her getting groceries, going shopping? Bella would never be able to leave the house again without bodyguards; she wouldn't be able to go out with Brainless Barbie without having to worry if someone was hiding behind a bush with a camera. Her every move would be documented, her personal life made a mockery of, people on the street would approach her and talk to her as if they knew her well. And she would be uncomfortable with all the attention, she was shy and sweet— definitely not an extrovert— things like talking to strangers wouldn't come easy to her. The life I live is all different shades of fucked up and crazy. I can't ever take a day off, even when I'm on holiday, to the world I'm always Edward Cullen, and I can't very well take a holiday from being me. And Bella's life would be the same, perhaps without the fanatical girl screams and pantie-throwing incidents, but completely changed nonetheless. And what if it takes to be too much and she decides to leave? All the public attention could make her decide that I wasn't worth it, and I knew I wasn't, but when that time came she would leave me... what would I do, then?!

But that's not even the tip of the iceberg. What about her job? She would have to quit. I wouldn't want her to feel inferior to me, and as an employee there was no way around it. Not only that, but she would start resenting the fact that she had to do things when I decided I wanted them done. The power of the relationship would be mine and I would hate it. If we were going forward with this then I wanted her to be my equal, just like it should be. I wanted her to be able to tell me to go fuck myself when I'm being an inconsiderate fucktard. But if she quits then I'll rarely get to see her. Shit. I'll be away nine months out of the year in locations scattered around the world, sometimes too far for her to visit or for me to come back to L.A., and the other three months would be spent doing stupid interviews, press junkets and the usual media rounds. Would she feel lonely when I'm not there? She doesn't really have any friends except Blondie and perhaps the Mental Midget, and they sure as hell wouldn't be any help when things got tough; they would probably tell her to dump my ass and be done with it. Crap, crap, crap.

I pulled Bella closer to me, wanting to feel her everywhere. The thoughts going through brain were destroying my freaking peace of mind, but I tried to keep things light. I wouldn't want to taint this morning with anything but good memories. For goodness' sake, it was hard to keep a lid on all the crazy thoughts...

I couldn't help but think that the relationship would always be strained; Bella would never be able to relax and be her wonderful self. Would she have to give up her dreams to be with me? She probably wanted to get married. I never saw myself as a married man, but then again I never thought I would find someone to love. Fuck everything and everyone. How in hell was I meant to act like a devout husband if I wasn't sure I would even be able to be a good boyfriend to her? All these questions were doing my head in, but I didn't have the option of not thinking about them. When the time came to propose would I be able to give her a normal marriage? It was insanity to think my schedule would allow for lively breakfasts or quiet lunches together every day, or that when I took her to diner that we wouldn't be attacked by swarms of teenagers and their equally crazed moms.

Even if we stayed together through the insane fans, the criticizing bitches on TV, my long periods of absence, what would happen when we wanted to start a family? I would never have the time to take care of a baby, and I know Bella would want one. Sure, I would be able to provide for it, but it isn't all about material crap like golden cribs and fancy baby strollers. It would require attention and love and all that shit children need. I wouldn't want it to have the childhood I had. And did I really want to bring a child into my world? They, too, would be put under a microscope and it wasn't even their choice... they could come to hate me for it. Bella and whatever children we had together could come to hate me for everything I'd do or failed to do.

Holy shit! Things were worse than I thought. How could I make it work? I wanted it to work so badly. I needed Bella to be part of my life, no questions about it. Just having her in my arms made me feel like happiness was bubbling up within me, like anything I wanted to achieve I could. And, could I really give up being able to touch her when I wanted? That was a definitive 'no'. Her kisses and sensual movements were ingrained in my mind forever, not a moment would go by when she wasn't the first and last thing I thought about in my day. It just had to work. It had to.

Eventually after hundred of unhurried kisses, all small, silent professions of my love for her, I fell asleep, clutching her tightly against me, wanting to feel the soft pounding of her heart against my chest. But never once did I remove my lips from hers, in that moment it was impossible—I couldn't break the connection.

I was worried beyond belief about what would come next. But don't 'they' always say that love conquers all? I sure as fuck hope so. Oh, God...

* * *

**I just love a freaked out Edward... he's not getting ahead of himself there _at all._**

**I've replied to some reviews but then I lost where I was, coudn't for the life of me remember what reviews I had replied to and which ones I hadn't. If you receive two replies you'll know why. If you haven't received one yet, I'm getting to it...maybe even today. Oh man, I'm on a roll.**

**Anyways, thank you to everyone who reviewed. I LOVE reading all the stuff you have to say, it really is very interesting how people interpret things. **

**Ok, I have procrastinated long enough... now I have to get back to H.G. Wells and his somewhat depressing view on life. yay..**


	14. Interruptions

**Hey. Sorry for the huge gap between updates. Hope you like chappie 14.**

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

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I snuggled closer to the warm body next to me, relishing the feel of strong arms around my waist and how our legs were tangled together. Slowly, so not to awake Edward, I moved a couple of inches so my mouth could kiss his neck, his chin.

The feeling of being enveloped by him was magnificent. We were wrapped around each other, still in complete darkness, his steady breathing adding to the calming silence. And the only thoughts swirling in my head centred on how life had suddenly become so much more beautiful; how with a single kiss a man had been able to turn my gloom to absolute happiness.

I placed one more peck on his scratchy chin before peering up at his face. Surprisingly, his eyes were no longer closed. The darkness didn't let me see, but rather, I felt his stare on my face. I traced his eyelids with my fingertips, his soft eyelashes tickling me ever so slightly. I smiled at how Edward's eyes fluttered shut and the way he nuzzled my neck.

Edward pulled me impossibly closer and nibbled a row of kisses behind my ear and down my neck. I was enjoying myself immensely, loving the feel of damp lips on my skin and the abrasive texture of his cheek against my jaw. But suddenly, the warmth was gone as Edward got out of bed and made his way to the French windows.

I didn't really have time to miss his presence; Edward opened the curtains with a sharp tug and basically ran back to bed, getting under the covers within seconds and returning to his original position: arms snaked around my waist, head bent over my neck and his lips returned to their wonderful job of kissing me.

I couldn't stop a few giggles from escaping; Edward was so silly sometimes.

"What? I couldn't see your face in the darkness, it was annoying me." His voice was sleepy and raspy, but above all, so darn sexy.

"I'm sure I'm a sight to behold," I answered sarcastically. I probably looked a fright; I didn't even want to think about my haystack hair or my deranged blotchy face.

Edward shook his head, still trailing his lips backwards and forwards.

"You really are. You look like the fall of autumn leaves, like a snowy December morning, a blooming tulip in spring, and the warm rays of sunshine in summer."

I snorted and smacked his arm. "Stop being cheesy and if you are going to compose poetry at least make it good."

I loved the easy chatter, the way Edward's mischievous side came out to play, and how comfortable we were with one another— it was far more than I'd expected. Being around Edward nearly every day for almost three months, I was aware of how fickle he could be about the tiniest of things. I anticipated him to go over the littlest of details of our every move last night and then deny that anything was happening. But this was a very, very pleasant surprise.

Edward laughed and moved back to look at me for the first time since early this morning. His eyes roamed by face and his head tilted slightly from right to left and back again.

"Mmm, I see what you mean; your eyes are far too puffy and you really need a hairbrush." I raised an eyebrow and his lips twitched. "What did Shakespeare say? 'Your eyes are nothing like the sun and coral is far redder than your lips, but I still think you're really, really gorgeous.'"

I was very close to slapping him, even if he had just quoted Shakespeare in a messed up sort of way. But then he grinned that crooked grin I like so much and all I could do was roll my eyes and smile at his terrible poetry.

Edward leaned forward, and before I knew what I was doing, I self-consciously pulled the sheet up to cover my mouth. Morning breath would undoubtedly kill the mood.

"What?" Edward asked as he moved even further back, worry now evident.

"Umm, I haven't brushed my teeth yet," I sheepishly muttered.

"Oh... I don't care." He moved forward, intent on giving me a kiss. I moved backwards, intent on avoiding a kiss. "Bella, will you stop moving? I just want one little peck. And anyways, I haven't brushed my teeth either; we can be smelly together."

I retreated again and shook my head. "No can do, I know with my luck your breath constantly smells like mint."

"You're being absurd, but fine."

Edward picked up the sheet and covered his mouth; he made a great show of puckering his lips and shuffling towards me. Seconds later we kissed with a bed sheet and mumbles of laughter between our lips.

After giving me a sweet, even if somewhat weird, kiss, Edward stood up and stretched. His t-shirt rose up and his underwear peeked out to say good morning to me. I couldn't help but look him up and down. Perfection was written everywhere, no flaw visible and every muscle defined. He pushed his arms behind his back and I swear I saw an evident bulge in his pants. He twisted left and then right. Yep, definitely morning wood.

_Oh, goodness gracious me._

"I'm going to have a shower and then we can order breakfast?" He looked at the clock on his bedside table and shook his head. "Well, we can order lunch. You can have a shower if you want, pick whatever bathroom." He smiled and left to wash.

I got up and made my way to one of the guest bathrooms. I spotted Ham in front of his room with his legs up in the air, his fat little belly rising and falling slowly every time he breathed out a snore. I patted the drooling menace before closing the door and getting in the shower.

The hot water was great, the spray was just the right pressure to sooth my muscles, but it didn't really ease my mind. Last night was still replaying like a bad movie. Nowhere in my mind did I think things would have been easy; every break up is hard. But things didn't play out like I thought they would; I hadn't anticipated Jake's cheap trick to keep us together. It didn't make sense him wanting something so broken, clearly past any amount of repair. But the past was now the past, Jake was yesterday and Edward was today and hopefully tomorrow, too. I would text, maybe even call, Jake and tell him I was moving out. I wanted a fresh start and that apartment would hold too many ghosts. Plus, I was sure I could find a cute little studio at the same price but closer to Edward's place.

I washed my hair and quickly got out of the shower. After I stopped thinking of a certain ex I started thinking of a certain hot, gorgeous man with a hard on. I couldn't take the increasing temptation the showerhead was becoming. So I quickly jumped out and brushed my teeth with my finger, making sure to slather my mouth with Colgate, not even caring how it stung my tongue-- I now could never be too careful. Hopefully, Edward would be kissing me a lot and I wanted to be minty fresh for him.

I went back to the master bedroom with a towel tucked under my arms and asked in shouts if I could borrow something to wear. Edward was still in the bathroom but said I could borrow whatever I wanted. In the end I chose a long blue sweatshirt and some slouchy pyjama pants that were too long for my short legs.

I was sitting on the bed, propped up by heaps of pillows, watching tv, more specifically the E Channel, when Edward walked out all clean and fresh in an outfit identical to mine and tousled bronze hair sticking out in every direction.

_Darn it! I should have used the showerhead._

He threw me a smile before sitting down beside me and ordering pizza. I leaned against his side and turned my attention back to the tv. The 'journalist' was going on about something to do with Edward's upcoming European premieres, what his female co-stars would be wearing and pondering the question of whether Edward would make an appearance at all the countries listed. Then the images that had set everything in motion appeared again; clandestine gazes and caresses and intimate conversations. The pictures I had seen in the magazines last night flashed across the screen.

"Did you know?" I turned my head as I asked Edward.

His eyes were glued to the tv as he answered, "Yes. Gray told me about it the evening before the magazines hit the stands." Slowly, his eyes met mine, an apology embedded in them. "He said he couldn't make out your face in any of the photos and none of the people who gave interviews knew your name. I didn't want you to worry when there was nothing to worry about. I'm sorry for not telling you...and the photos."

I threaded my fingers through his hair. "Occupational hazard, I guess."

His long fingers traced my small smile.

"You're not mad?"

I shook my head. "No. I mean, I don't like you keeping things from me, but I can understand why you did what you did. And the photos don't bother me, it was going to happen sooner or later if we... Well, did this." I gestured between us, not really knowing what we were. I was certain I was in love with him and that in return he cared a lot about me, but I had no idea what he wanted. I hoped to God it wasn't just a phase or fling on his part, not that I thought it was.

He captured the hand stroking his hair and brought it to his lips. "Bella, things are going to get complicated if we do this. There are many, many problems we have to resolve... I don't even know where to begin."

Edward dropped my hand and started to tug on his hair, clenching his fists painfully around the coppery strands.

"What's wrong? What problems are you talking about?"

I had no idea what was going through that mind of his. As far as I knew there weren't any major problems in his life lately, well, except for the ongoing drama with the film role he wanted so much. And we'd just started out as girlfriend/boyfriend? Wasn't it too soon to already have 'many, many problems'?

"I don't know." He got up, paced a bit and then sat at the bottom of the bed. "Ok,"—he sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly—"Bella, you have to quit."

I blinked once, twice. _What the heck?_

"Why?" I was seriously confused.

He frowned and sighed heavily. "Because this won't work if you are my employee. It just doesn't make sense. I want you to be able to be yourself and do what you want in our relationship, I don't want you to feel obligated to do something, like cooking, because I pay your salary."

"That's ridiculous, Edward."

"No, it isn't. What if you don't want to go out but you have to, because I have an event and I need my personal assistant there? What happens if I tell you to get my dry-cleaning but you don't want to? I want to give us a chance but I don't think I can, not with you as my PA."

I got up and moved to stand in front of him. "First of all, you would never _tell_ me to do anything, you would ask. Secondly, Emmett and Jasper tell you 'no' all the time, and it doesn't ruin your friendship. And thirdly, I would cook for you because I would want to. I do it all the time now, I'm not your personal chef and yet, I make most of your meals—"

"That's—"

"No, let me finish. What I'm trying to say is: I do things for you because I want to, not because it's in my contract. If I was your girlfriend...or whatever,"— such juvenile titles didn't seem to apply, they didn't seem to fit us. We definitely would have to find a better way to define what we had. — "I would still want to bring you coffee in the morning or make sure you had a good breakfast. Being your assistant doesn't change who I am or who we are; it doesn't dictate what kind of personal relationship we have."

Edward's head lowered and he once again began tugging at his poor hair.

"Bella, I just don't want you to feel like you have no say. There's no way around it, the only option is for you to quit."

Oh, he was having one of those stubborn days. There wasn't enough logic to make him see reason. But I understood where he was coming from, and it was incredibly sweet how much he cared about my happiness, he was just going about it the wrong way. If I quit I wouldn't get to see him. To me that was reason enough to put up with everything else. Plus, I was getting real sick of men telling me to quit my job.

I put my hand on my hip and cleared my throat so Edward would look at me.

"I'm not going to give up a job I love. I'm not quitting. If you want me gone you are going to have to fire me."

His eyes bore into mine and he began clenching his jaw the way he does when he gets angry. But I wasn't backing down, I wasn't compromising on this.

After a few more seconds I put my other hand on my other hip and raised an eyebrow.

Edward snorted and got up to place a kiss on the top of my head. "As if I could fire you." His arms went around my waist and I smiled against his chest— battle won. "No one else will put up with all my demanding ways except you. Come on, let's go downstairs; the delivery guy should be here soon."

After nudging Ham awake, we set up camp on the sofa and waited for the pizza to arrive. As I answered the door and grabbed the pizza from an awestruck teenage boy, Edward put some music on and got the ketchup.

We munched on four cheeses and listened to classics. Edward scratched Ham ever so often with his foot, and by the end of my third slice I had somehow found myself in between Edward's legs, with my back against his chest as he leaned backwards on the sofa. It was really very comfortable. And I was really very amazed at how comfortable it was.

I glanced at Edward as the CD changed automatically and started playing something I recognized.

"I love _Lifehouse_."

"Mmm," Edward said as he chewed. "They aren't as depressing as _The Fray_, that's for sure."

"I like them too, but _Lifehouse's_ songs are more optimistic." I stroked his leg and shifted. Edward hissed and stilled my movements with his hands. I couldn't stop a grin from appearing, but tried to not pay attention to a hard object nudging my back. "What kind of music do you like?"

Edward moved a little to grab another slice. "Anything, as long it has strong lyrics and a good beat."

I saw what he meant about 'anything'.

"What about books?" I loved knowing random little things about him. I already knew he loved the classics but I could never get enough of knowing about his tastes... about him.

"Again, anything. With all the travelling books become a real companion, plus they build a wall between you and others. People know not to interrupt when you have a book in your hands, I guess it's the same with headphones, but with that your eyes are free to roam, to make eye contact with someone."

"So...Books and music become a sort of shield? They give you privacy."

Edward wiped his hands on a napkin and started to play with my fingers. "Yeah, exactly. After my first film came out I was still completely unaware of how fame would affect every aspect of my life. I was naïve. I did stupid things, like deciding to go to New York for a meeting without Jazz or Em— I told them I didn't need chaperones. I also refused a private jet or a first class ticket. Economy was a nightmare. People queued on the plane for autographs." Edward chuckled and squeezed my thumb. "After half an hour an old lady next to me shoved a book in my face and told me to read. I think it was _Much Ado About Nothing_? Well, it worked... kind of."

I laughed, imagining just how annoyed he would have become, but unable to do anything. Edward hated being famous and some of the more 'enthusiastic' fans. But he didn't hate his fans, he was always polite to them, and would always stop for pictures and autographs if he was asked respectfully and there wasn't any squealing or masses of giggling.

"I-I would hate for that to become your life, Bella. Having to hide behind books and music, pretend you don't hear people talk about you, ignoring cameras and flashes 24/7. I already have my gilded cage; I don't want you to have one, too."

I disentangled myself and turned around to face him.

"Is it worth it?"

"The gilded cage? I think so. Acting is an escape, it's fun. Every job is different from the last so boredom is never an issue. Plus, there's a great buzz in making a character come to life. And I love knowing I'm doing something I'm good at. So, yes, it's worth it. But you don't have acting. There's no positive side for you. What do you get out of it?"

Indeed, what would I get? No privacy, a litany of criticisms and rumours. I would be pulled out of normalcy and shoved into a world where having your every move tracked is the standard. But a relationship with Edward was like Seurat's paintings; it was the entire picture that mattered, not just the little dots. And the whole picture was worth anything.

What would I get?

"You."

Edward shook his head. "I'm not reason enough. I'm not worth giving you dreams up for."

"Edward, I gave up my dreams the moment life happened. Everyone does."

He rubbed my lower back in slow circles and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I didn't study English lit because it would lead to me living on the streets eating beans out of a can, not writing critically acclaimed novels. The dreams I had at ten aren't the dreams I have now... Now, all I want is reality. And that means you."

I smiled and kissed his cheek, he returned it with a sad, sweet quirk of his lips. "Oh, Bella, you know you're too good for me, right?"

"Yeah, I know," I answered with a small smirk.

He whacked my bottom lightly and gave me an adoring Eskimo kiss. It didn't take long for his cool lips to graze mine. I moved closer between his legs and let my hands travel all the way up his arms and chest, admiring the firm rise and fall of his muscles. His hands also made their own patterns on my back, dipping inside my sweatshirt every so often to caress my skin; little tingles were left behind as his hands made their journey.

The kiss was very much like this morning's; tender and careful. That is until I licked his lower lip, then he didn't hold back. The kiss went from a spark to a roaring fire. His tongue plunged into my mouth and tangled with mine; and his hands were everywhere, pulling me closer, stroking the backs of my thighs, massaging my butt and running his finger down my sides. The kiss was passionate, hot. The way his mouth was sucking my lips and tongue had me clutching his hair in great handfuls. I wanted to get closer, to deepen the kiss even further. I straddled his legs, breaking the kiss momentarily to catch a breath, but within seconds my lips were glued to his again. Edward's hands framed my face as he changed the angle of the kiss. The room filled with our collective moans as Edward clutched my hips more strongly, bringing my pelvis flush against his. I could feel his erection against my belly and I couldn't help but slide slightly upwards, shamelessly grinding against him.

I knew I shouldn't dive into anything so physical so early on. But darn it all! It had been five years. _Five _years of fake 'oohhs' and 'ahhs'. Five years of telling Jake he was so close to the spot, when in reality he couldn't find the spot with a map _and _a Satnav. And here and now I was straddling one of the world's most beautiful men. What I should do was once again what I was going to ignore.

I slid upwards again and Edward put his arms around me so he could change our position, but in the intensity of the moment his movement became frantic. It was as if he couldn't touch me enough, as if he wanted to know every part of my body. I couldn't think, only touch. I wanted to feel his weight on me, feel his body on top of mine. I tugged his t-shirt hard, pulling him to me while he cupped my butt to lay me down on the sofa. The combination of closed eyes and the urgency infused into our every move unsurprisingly resulted in me being on my back. On the floor.

I groaned. Not from falling from the low sofa but rather from annoyance. Why couldn't my clumsiness make itself known later on? Did it have to rear its infuriating head when I was trying to get some sexy time with Edward?

_Heck, it's been so long since sexy time was sexy._

I looked up. Edward had a startled look on his face. His eyes were wide and his lips— wet and pink-red from our kisses— were wrapped around a silent 'O'.

"Are you ok?"

I huffed in answer and made an attempted to get up, but Edward was on top of me in seconds. The look in his eyes was pure mischief and child-like excitement.

"The floor works just as well as the sofa."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. I loved when he was like this; carefree and infectiously happy.

"Mmm," I moaned, as he tickled my neck with kisses. "The floor does have a, um, certain charm."

Edward nodded. "There's more space on the floor."

I had no idea why we were having this conversation. I wasn't really up to the task of thinking. I just wanted him to keep kissing me.

"Uh...floor is nice."

Edward laughed and slid his hands under my sweater again, making my stomach muscles quiver. He really did have very nice hands. They were warm and big and strong and yeah...

My good times were cut short by Ham. The stupid slobbering lump of fat started humping my leg with enthusiasm unmatched by the horniest of men.

I squealed and shook my leg trying to get him to stop. He was not the one I wanted humping me.

Edward jumped up and pulled Ham away by his collar, slightly embarrassed by his dog's dirtiness. "Bad, bad dog. Very bad dog."

Taking a bulldog's dry hump as a sign that the good times were not going to happen today, I got up and sat down on the sofa.

Edward took Ham into the kitchen, mumbling expletives under his breath and threatening Ham with disembowelment if he ever humped my leg again.

When he returned I was scowling at the floor, still not content with the knowledge that I wouldn't be getting to see Edward without his t-shirt again anytime soon.

Edward plopped down beside me, adjusting his pyjama bottoms with a slight grimace. "Sorry. Ham doesn't have lady friends." Edward explained with a light chuckled

I snorted but chuckled from the silliness of it all, and then sighed when Edward smoothed his hand down my back.

"Want to watch a film, angel?"

My giddy heart missed a beat at the endearment. "Ye-"

I was interrupted by the house phone, Edward's mobile phone and the intercom, all ringing simultaneously.

"What day is it today?"

"Er, Sunday, I think," I mumbled against his side.

"Guh. That would be Em, then. I agreed to play Wii all day and let him raid my music collection."

With a frustrated groan Edward got up _again. _He pressed the button to open the front gates and then went to open the front door.

I huddled in a corner of the sofa, trying to make my hair look as if I hadn't been thoroughly kissed and rolling around on the floor. God knows what Em would think when he saw me installed in the ice-blue living room.

But I didn't hear a male voice as the door opened and then closed.

"How long does it take to press a damn button, Cullen?"

"What the frick, Emmett!"

I heard the exasperation in Edward's voice... Rose's presence usually had that effect.

"Rose said she wanted to tell you something, dude. What was I suppose to do?" Emmett was obviously trying to whisper but it came out as more of a shout. I'm pretty sure even the neighbours heard.

"Eduardo, you are a douche. Have you seen the newspapers? Turned on the tv? You—" Rose's voice came closer and closer, and when she entered the living room it stopped. She cackled and grinned.

"Ha. No fucking way. I should have known." Rose threw her handbag at Edward and sat down next to me, crossing her model legs.

Emmett shook his head as if to clear it. "What? I don't get it."

"It's as simple as two plus two, Em. Our Shrek has found his Princess Fiona. Pre-Ogrefication, of course."

Em sank down on the armchair opposite and frowned, deeply in thought. "So... Eddie and Buttons are... getting it on."

"You got it, babe."

Edward flung the handbag across the room and started pacing behind the sofa. I didn't hear his swift steps, a tiny draft on the nape of my neck as he walked past me the only indicator to his nervous habit.

"Don't be crude, Emmett. There's no 'getting it on'." Edward said, changing his route and pacing to the window instead. It was annoyingly endearing.

Rose turned to me, grin still firmly in place. "I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say that for once the media got it right. Cullen_ has_ made a new conquest. Oh, how the tweens shall cry, tears will be shed for days, riots shall ensue." She began to cackle again like a witch... witch also rhymed with another, more appropriate word.

"Well, I'm not really surprised. Jazz has been saying how there's this 'thing' between both of you. But I just thought he was being his usual romantic bastard self." Emmett cracked his knuckles and leaned back, totally relaxed, not really caring about the situation.

"I, for one, think this is fucktastic. It will provide me with hours of entertainment. I wonder how many ways Eddie-boy will be able to screw this shit up."

I crossed my arms, completely unimpressed. "No one is going to screw anything." The words were out of my mouth before I made sense of what I was saying.

Rose, Em and Edward laughed. The innuendo was, of course, not lost on them. Their minds must have permanent residences in the gutter.

"Sucks to be you, Edward."

Emmett's comment only served to get his arm punched. Overgrown oaf.

"All sucking and screwing aside," Rose began as she inspected her manicured nails, "what are you two going to do? I was sure there was a boyfriend in this picture somewhere and he was not Golden Globes over there."

A blush tinged my cheeks. I looked around the room not really wanting to make eye contact as I answered, "That has, er, been taken care of."

"Ahh, I see. You kicked the dog to the curb. Nice, nice."

Edward sat down on an armchair next to Emmett. His lips quirked as Rose referred to Jacob as a dog. No matter how old men became they never lost their innate ability to turn into utter boys when someone insulted their supposed rivals. Not that Edward had a rival.

"But still... what are you going to do? Don't you live with the ex?"

"Well, there's only two weeks left before we go to Europe, so I thought I would stay in a hotel till then, and during that time I can look for a new apartment." It really was the best solution; I wouldn't have to deal with Jacob and I could get everything organised before we went on the press tour.

"Don't be silly, Bella. You can stay here with me." Edward's voice was silky smooth as he spoke; he clearly had a few plans for pyjama parties.

"Dream on McMoron, Bella is staying with us, not you."

Edward narrowed his eyes at Rose. "And why would that be?"

"Because I want to spend some time with my homegirl before you whisk her away to Europe. And because I'm telling you she's staying with us. Got it, Eduardo?"

Rose can be so dictatorial, it's unbelievable. She was trying to tell a twenty-five year old where to sleep and who to spend time with. A twenty-five year old who she didn't know for very long.

"No, Rose, I think I'll go to a hotel."

Rose got up and stretched with feline elegance.

"Come on, Em, let's get going. I'm craving sushi like Joan Rivers craves Botox."

She looked around for her handbag and found it near the window, giving Edward the evil eye as she picked it up.

"I'll be here at nine o'clock to pick you up, Bella. Now, you two crazy kids have fun tonight."

She was out of the house with Emmett trailing behind before I could even tell her not to bother picking me up, because I wasn't going to stay at hers for two weeks. I guess, what Rose wants, Rose gets. Dictators all around the world would be so very proud.

"You're not really going to stay with her, are you?" Edward asked from the cream armchair.

I shrugged and laughed at Rose's bossy antics. "I guess I am. She didn't really give me a choice."

Edward looked down at the floor and slowly shook his head. When he spoke his voice was quite, whisper like, with such sadness I didn't know how to react. "You always have a choice, Bella. Always."

I stared at the top of his coppery head, taking my time to arrange my thoughts. I knew he wasn't talking about Rose or my sleeping arrangements for the next two weeks.

Slowly, I made my way to where he was sitting, his head lifted as I approached. The way his eyes looked at me was heart wrenching. Inevitability and defeat were hidden in their depths. He really did think that we wouldn't be able to work things out, that the public pressure would be too much. To some it might be, but not to me, not to us.

I sat down on his lap and held both of his hands in mine, kissing his lips tenderly.

"I've made my choice and I'm sticking to it."

* * *

**I'll try to make this A/N short... just two quick and random things:**

**For a reason unbeknownst to me, I have developed an absolute hatred for the title of this fic in the last couple of weeks. 'Mr. Cullen' just doesn't seem to fit the story. So, I'm thinking of changing it and I wanted your opinions on it. Change it? Don't change it? Any ideas on what the new title could be? Really would love to get some ideas :)**

**Second thing, I received emails telling me I'm being a poo head by not explaining some of the references I make. So from now on I'll try to explain things... but it will only be basic knowledge, stuff I know, don't take my word for it completely and check out Wikipedia if you want to know more.**

**No outfits for this chapter.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chappie. You guys are awesome and you know it. **

**XXX**

_**LifeHouse- **_**Alternative band. Best known for their song 'Hanging by a Moment'. Their single was one of the biggest of 2001... if my memory serves me correctly.  
**

**_The Fray- _The Band shot to fame after their song 'How to Save a Life' was featured on Grey's Anatomy.**

_**Seurat**_**- 19****th**** century painter best known for his use of pointillism. His most famous works are 'Sunday Afternoon on the Island of Grand Jatte' and '****Bathers at Asnières'. **

_**Shakespeare's Sonnets**_**- Overall there are 154 sonnets, most written for Shakespeare's love interests. Edward tries to quote from sonnet 130. In this particular sonnet Shakespeare mocks the conventional love poetry of his time.  
**

_**Much Ado About Nothing**_**- Shakespearean play. **

_**E! Channel**_**- A TV channel dedicated to following the lives of celebrities.**

_**Joan Rivers- **_**Comedian who has had wayyy too much plastic surgery done.**


	15. Jigsaw Pieces

**Hey. So sorry for taking so long to update. Uni and Christmas totally screwed up my plans to write this chapter on time.**

**Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine  
**

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I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I definitely looked happier, with less frowns and more smiles. But the frowns hadn't disappeared, they were just hidden. I tried to keep them tucked away until I was alone, then I could frown and mope to my heart's content. I could be the moody fucker I didn't want Bella to see.

I wasn't happy about how things were developing. I mean, I was ecstatic I got to make out and grope Bella whenever I wanted and that she actively encouraged me, but I wasn't comfortable with our situation. I didn't like how she brushed away our problems as if they were nothing. How could she not see dating me as a problem? Bella was one hundred percent convinced she was prepared to tackle the exposure that came with being with someone like me. She just didn't fucking get it.

I tried to bring the problem up with her over the week but she would just kiss me and tell me to stop worrying so much. The kisses, especially when she slipped a little tongue, were fucktastic. But I was always looking over her shoulder to see if anyone had their phone or camera out. I swear I might as well have been high again; I was fucking paranoid all the time.

It only took her a few days to realise I was keeping my eyes open as she kissed me when we were outside the confines of the icebox, or my house, whatever you want to call it.

She told me it was slightly freaky I kissed with my eyes open, and instead of just laughing it off and tickling her to the floor like any normal motherfucker would, I sat down on the kitchen counter and told her why I kept my eyes open. Of course, instead of backing away slowly and running for the hills, she grabbed my hands, rubbed my knuckles, and told me to stop being a whiny bitch—Obviously not in those exact words.

I just wanted her to fully grasp the extent of how her life would change, but all she could see was me at the end of the damned tunnel.

In the end we decided—and by 'we' I mean, I suggested it and Bella reluctantly agreed— to keep the relationship between us for a little while, just so we could get more comfortable and do coupley shit without having the world follow our every move.

But that wasn't the only thing that had me biting my nails and raking my hand nervously through my hair. The European tour was coming up, interview after interview awaited me, and the question that never failed to pop up every minute was over whether I was single or not.

How in the fucking hell was I meant to answer that shit?

The situation was a goddamn catch-22; I couldn't say I was seeing someone because that would lead to a million more questions, and reporters would start sniffing around; all trying to discover the fucking mystery. But if I answered no, Bella would get all upset and then I would get upset, and then I sure as hell would make everyone else upset. If I was going down then so were all the other fuckers.

I didn't want to make Bella sad, or god forbid, cry. But she would understand my need to protect her from all the media madness... eventually.

With a sigh I put on a long-sleeved t-shirt and grabbed the nearest coat. The weather was a bit of a rollercoaster lately, cold then sunny and pleasantly warm. It just couldn't make its mind up.

I put my sneakers on and jogged downstairs, deciding to check my personal email before meeting Bella.

There were only two unopened emails since most of my stuff went to the account Bella oversaw. One from Jasper about what we should get Emmett for Christmas; it was currently between a holiday in Thailand and a penthouse in New York. I would probably just get him both.

The other was from Alice.

Yeah, I totally shuddered opening it. But she had connections I needed to get this crap done, so I just sucked that shit up and replied as politely as I could to her questions, making more requests about colours and other girly stuff I had no idea about, like the 'distressed antique armoire' I had been searching online for. Oh, that was totally shudder-worthy.

During the week Bella hinted over my need to brighten up the place, she even bought flowers for the kitchen and living room, stating that she was inclined to spend more time in a 'welcoming' environment.

I instantly called a florist and ordered three dozen roses for my room.

When they arrived Bella tilted her head back and laughed. I think I nearly composed something like ten odes to her shiny hair and tinkling laugh.

Yeah...Our lips were glued to each other's for the remainder of the evening.

Good times.

But apart from the 'Ham Incident'—as I had come to think of it—there hadn't been any more humping or proper foreplay, which was just as well considering she had just left a long term relationship and needed to sort out whatever it is women sort out.

That reminded me to tell Alice not to change my bedroom. Bella always said it was her favourite room. With a final check over my email I hit send and pocketed my phone.

I looked around for one of my car keys and after finding the ones for the Range Rover, I was out of the garage and on my way to meet Bella at her old apartment. She needed to get clothes, boxes and all the things she wanted to take to Europe. Afterwards we were meeting Em and Rosalie at their house for a movie and Chinese. Honestly, I didn't want to do any of that crap but for some reason Bella liked spending time with Em and his fake-ass Barbie. So... Chinese and far too gushy couple it was.

It didn't take very long to get there and I was able to park fairly quickly. It seemed like the traffic gods were smiling upon me. Bella's little Mini was parked a few spaces in front and I could see the back of her head as she leaned over the console.

I pulled my hood up, put on my predictable Ray-Bans and got out of my car, going straight for hers.

Bella opened her car door as soon as I was beside her door, but she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing. If it had taken me one more second to jump out of the way, the door would have hit me square in the nuts. I guess the genital gods were looking out for me too.

"Oh, sugar! Sorry, sorry. The door didn't get you, did it?" Bella asked as her hands ran up and down my chest and then cupped my face, looking for signs of injury.

"No, I'm fine," I told her as I quickly placed a peck on her cheek and closed her car door.

"I just don't know where my brain is today." Bella sighed and rolled her eyes. "I think I need a lot of caffeine and then I'll be fine."

I nodded, but in reality I knew she needed to rest. Bella had been going a thousand miles an hour over the past week trying to get everything organised with Jasper and Gray and still trying to find time for us to be together. With my schedule and hers it was a difficult task. She would usually arrive at mine stupidly early; join me in bed for a few minutes before telling my ass to get out of bed. Then it would be non-stop: meetings, fittings, errands, trying to calm me down after the asshole producers put me through more unnecessary auditions, before going back to Emmett's at a ridiculously late hour.

"Angel, you need a break," I suggested as we walked up to her apartment. I looked down the street to make sure no one was around before holding her hand. "You don't need to do all this running around. I'm sure Jazz can do most of it by himself."

"No, no," Bella answered as she opened the door. "It's my job; I can do it. And besides, we wouldn't want people to think I was getting an easy load just because I get to make out with the boss."

She threw me a sassy smile before gesturing for me to go inside.

I removed my sunglasses and hood before looking around. Her flat was just what I expected. It was small and cute, just like she is. The walls were a soothing green; the furniture was practical and no nonsense. There were feminine touches everywhere, with colourful prints on the walls and photos on the window sill of her and... the ex.

"What the heck happened here?"

Bella's high pitched question made me stop taking in my surroundings and look at her instead.

"What do you mean?"

I've never had the pleasure of being inside her apartment so if something was out of place I couldn't see it. But I have to admit, I always thought Bella would be tidier, considering just how meticulous she is with all of my crap.

"This!" She waved her hands towards the floor which was littered with tissues and magazines.

Before I could ask her about it she stomped into the kitchen and made a little—and completely adorable—growling noise.

"Ugh. Does he not know how deposits work? We don't get it back unless we return the apartment in its original condition. Idiot!"

The kitchen was covered in beer cans and bottles, take away leftovers took all the fucking counter space.

If I was earning a normal salary and couldn't afford a cleaner this was exactly how my place would have looked. Actually, this was how my placed looked before Hollywood found me.

This, however, was not how Bella had left things, and it was clearly stressing her out. As if she didn't have a load of bollocks to deal with right now.

Placing my hands on her dainty shoulders and pressing my fingers carefully to her tired muscles, I tried to calm her down a bit—just like she always did for me.

"You don't have to worry about it, angel. I can get someone to clean this mess up in no time. Let me make a call and—"

I dropped my hands and searched my pocket for my phone but Bella's arms were around my waist before I could find it.

"You don't need to, sweetie," she said as she rested her head against my chest. Part of me hated the emasculating endearment—it just wasn't very manly—but part of me loved it...when we were alone, and only then. "It's no big deal, really, it's just annoying, you know?"

I wrapped my arms around her, placing a small kiss on her jaw as I listened to her tired voice. It killed me knowing I was the main reason why she sounded like she hadn't slept in weeks. I really was a fucking fucktard.

"There's so much to do and I'm trying to get everything done on schedule and perfectly... But that's not even it."

I tipped her chin up so I could see her gorgeous eyes.

"What is it, then?"

Bella sighed and closed her eyes before letting her head fall back to my chest.

"Coming here makes me feel guilty. I mean, look at all those beer bottles... Jacob was never much of a drinker. And the tissues all over the floor, it-it looks like he's been crying." Her voice wavered as she uttered the last word.

Damn, I hated the ex but I hated seeing her upset even more, always had, even before she was mine.

I dropped my head to her shoulder and kissed her ear. "Well, he could have a cold, or you know... he could have been cleaning his rifle."

Bella stepped out of my arms and smacked my chest lightly. Her face was pinched in a disgusted expression but the corners of her mouth were twitching as she tried to fight a smile.

"That's really wrong, and only you would think of something like that." Bella kicked one of the tissues near her feet and furrowed her brow, clearly considering what I'd said. "No. If that was it he would have had the decency to put them in the bin...I'm sure..."

I raised an eyebrow, questioning her reasoning, which made her roll her eyes and laugh.

"While you think about Jacob cleaning out his rifle I'm going to change and start packing. Can you give me hand with some stuff?"

"Anything, ma'am," I answered as she went into the bedroom. I had no desire to go in there whatsoever; I didn't want to get images of Bella with another dude, that shit would probably make me want to hire one of my ex acquaintances to shoot the bastard.

Apparently I have possessiveness issues. Who knew?

"I need all those boxes by the window," Bella called out from inside the bedroom. "Be careful with them; they're collectables."

There was something like fifty small boxes in the living room, all different colours and shapes. It appeared some were really delicate, probably made out of porcelain and glass, but the others looked like they were made out of wood and metal, so sturdier and less breakable. I would be taking those ones first; I didn't want Bella to chop my balls off if I broke any of them.

It took me six trips to get all of those damn boxes in the car. I was super careful but one did fall on the ground, thankfully it was leather and not damaged. I was tempted to open them to see what was inside but I didn't want to pry. By the fifth trip to the car I was tired of going up and down two fucking sets of stairs, but on my sixth trip a woman stared at me with a hint of recognition; I could almost see her inner debate of whether or not to ask me if I was Edward Cullen. I ran up those damned stairs in record time.

When I got to the apartment Bella was coming out of the bedroom in a changed outfit and suitcase in hand.

"Have you got everything?" I asked as I took her suitcase.

"Just need to get the two more bags and we can go."

I nodded and waited for her in the living room; there was no way I was going to let her carry crap down. Bella tried to hide her klutz ways but when you spend every day with someone for over three months you catch on to things.

As I put the suitcase down by my feet the front door slammed and I was suddenly face to face with the fucker that had made Bella cry on numerous occasions.

He was enormous. Someone obviously did steroids in High School...

After taking in his size I noticed the circles under his eyes, the rumpled clothes and the bag he held containing more beer. Fucker wasn't having an ease time. I couldn't find it in me to care. Not one bit.

His fists clenched as he immediately recognised who I was.

"Edward, sweetie, have you left?"

Bella's voice was quiet from inside the bedroom but I could see that the asshole in front heard what she called me. I tried to hold back a cocky smirk. Meh, no I didn't.

"Nope, still here."

I could hear Bella's footsteps as she approached the living room. "Then why did the front-" She stopped as she saw Jacob standing by the door. "Why aren't you at work?"

I never expected to be in the same room as Jacob so I didn't have anything planned to say to him, but I would punch his teeth out if he dared to even raise his voice to Bella. Fuck the studio if they flipped out on my face having a few bruises.

"What is _he _doing here?" Jacob asked through clenched teeth.

Bella came to my side and dumped her other bags near where the suitcase was. Her shoulders were pulled back, her face serious; she was ready to tell him to go fuck himself, I could see it. But knowing Bella she would probably be civil and not lose her shit.

"Edward is helping me move a few things I need. I've also organised for the movers to come at the end of the week to get the bulk of my stuff. You don't have to be here; I already gave them specific details about what to take and what to leave."

Bella's voice was steady and calm; her demeanour was completely different from how it had been when she came to me crying her pretty eyes out.

"Bella, let's talk." Jacob addressed his request to Bella but his eyes never wavered from mine.

"I'd rather not."

"You know as well as I do that we still need to talk. So let's talk."

Bella sighed beside me and I knew what she was going to ask before she did. I kissed her temple without taking my eyes off Jacob. His nostrils flared and I could see he was dying to punch me in the face. If he was smart he would keep his cool.

"I'll be outside."

I picked up the suitcase and the bags and made my out of the apartment, but not before making sure Bella was okay and shooting Jacob a warning glare.

I stepped into the corridor but left the door slightly ajar. If anything happened I could be in there within seconds, and it also meant I could hear what was being said. If he raised his voice to her... God help me, I was going to beat the shit out of him with one of those magazines lying on the floor.

Putting my sunglasses on and my hood up, I sank down to the floor and listened to what was going on. It didn't take long for the conversation inside to start.

"Jacob," Bella started with an exasperated voice, "just say what you want to say so I can get a move on."

There was some shuffling before his response came. Surprisingly, his voice seemed less infuriated.

"Why did you call him 'sweetie'?"

"No, you don't get to ask me more questions."

"I think I deserve answers."

"You don't. Not after that little stunt you pulled."

"Fine, Bella, I don't. I'm sorry I tried to kiss my girlfriend."

"Just because I was your girlfriend doesn't mean you had the right to kiss me when I didn't want to be kissed."

"You didn't want to be kissed?"

"For goodness's sake, Jake! I was pushing you away; of course I didn't want to be kissed."

I swallowed hard, thinking about the fucker touching Bella. It made me understand why she had arrived at my house in the middle of the night distraught.

"I just don't understand what is going on, Bella. One moment we are fine and the next we are having a fight, you leave and when you come back half of your things are gone. What in the world happened?"

"I finally realised what I really wanted."

"What does that mean, for fuck's sake?"

"It means that I realised that our relationship wasn't what I wanted. There was no passion, no intensity. I didn't love you the way I was meant to. Can't you see what I mean?"

"No, I really can't."

I heard Bella's heels clinking on the floor before she spoke again.

"Jacob, when we were together I never missed you when you went to work in the mornings; I never felt excited when you came home in the evenings. I'm not trying to be horrible, really, I'm not. But I need to make you see that what we had isn't how a relationship is meant to be."

There was more clicking.

"I never cheated; I need you to know that. Yes, I had feelings for Edward but nothing happened. It was only after we were over that Edward and I became more than friends. I'm happy, Jacob. I hope you will be too."

I made her happy. Somehow a fuckup like me managed to make an angel like Bella happy. I would always try my hardest to make her smile, laugh.

"I was happy with you. I thought we were happy together, Bella. I missed you when you left; I was excited when you came back. What can I do to make you stay with me? I'll do anything."

As if I would let him take her away from me.

"There's nothing you can do." Her voice was quiet as she answered him.

There was a large slam and I got to my feet straight away.

"What does that asshole have that I don't?"

I didn't like how he raised his voice but I stopped myself from entering the apartment. I was just as curious as he was as to why Bella chose me and not him.

"I mean, apart from the fame and the mountains of money. What does he have that made you leave a five year relationship?"

"I- I can't really explain it."

"Well, fucking try."

"God, Jake, sometimes you can be such a dickhead."

I stifled a laugh, I never heard Bella swear before and it just didn't seem right.

"If you really want to know then fine! He makes me feel wonderful. Every time I see him I get butterflies and I can't stand to be in a different room to him. When I leave at the end of the day and he kisses me goodbye I feel like a little piece of my heart just died. He has a gentleness only I get to see; he makes me feel like I'm the only person for him. Have you ever looked into my eyes and got the sense you could see all of me, even my soul? I don't think you ever have. But when I look at him, I just get it, I get it all. When he looks at me I can see he gets it too. And that's only the tip of a very big iceberg."

I stood there without blinking, mouth wide open. I could have sworn there was some moisture in my eyes but that was probably because I wasn't blinking...

The way she spoke so passionately about me made me want to grab her and never let her go, kiss her and never let our lips be separated. Everything Bella said was exactly what I felt.

"Look, Jake. We weren't meant to be; there's nothing we can do. We're two jigsaw pieces that never fit. But you have always been there for me and I will always be thankful for that. We did have great times together, but now it's time for us to move forward. I hope you find happiness and I really wish you the best in life. Maybe someday we can be friends like we were at the beginning."

Bella's clicking heels came closer and when she opened the door she was clearly surprised to find me still standing there and not waiting for her in the car.

I offered her a small smile and extended my hand for her to take. When her little fingers were in my palm, I pulled her forward so that she was flush against me. This was where she was meant to be; she might not fit with him but she fits with me.

I kissed her slowly, letting my lips and tongue tell her how much I loved her, because even though I hadn't said the words out loud they were swimming in my mind and radiating from my body.

With a small peck to her rosy lips, I pulled back and grabbed her stuff. Minutes later we were in the car.

"Can we skip going to Emmett's? I'm a bit tired." Bella's voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"I'll call him when we get home, I'm sure he'll understand." I put my hand on the nape of her neck and began rubbing it softly. "Do you want to stay at mine tonight?"

"Mmm hmm."

Traffic was a bit heavier when we left the apartment meaning it took us forty fucking minutes to get to my house. When we arrived there were paparazzi waiting outside the front gate. Thankfully, the Range Rover was tinted and Bella had fallen asleep facing me, so they didn't get pictures of her.

I parked in the garage rather than in the front; just for the sake of being extra cautious. The opening of the garage door woke Bella up and she was all groggy and cute. Her cheeks were tinged with a lovely faint pink and her eyes were droopy.

I wanted to carry her upstairs— fully functioning Bella was not good with balance; half asleep Bella was even worse—but she refused to be carried like a toddler. In the end we settled for a piggyback ride up to my room.

I pulled off her shoes as she removed her jacket before telling her where the towels were in the master bathroom.

As she took a shower I went to call Em and let him know about the change of plans. He was cool with it but I could hear Rosalie in the background calling me a douche bag.

When I came back Bella was already tucked in to bed waiting for me with a smile. I quickly showered before joining her. We watched some travel shows on the Discovery Channel to get us better acquainted to the places we would be visiting next week.

I could tell Bella was excited about visiting Europe. I didn't share the excitement, having visited many of the countries already, but I was excited about having Bella see Europe. I was sure she would love it.

As the presenter recounted the history of The Big Ben, Bella fell asleep. Her little body completely tucked next to mine. Our dimensions just fit. Everything about us fit.

She was the missing piece of my jigsaw puzzle.

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**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. **

**Let me know what you thought about it. The good, the bad... anything is fine. **

**Outfits will be on my profile later on today.**

**I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate it) and I wish everyone a great New Year.**

**See you in 2010.  
**


	16. Blur and Clear

**Disclaimer: Characters belong to SM. Plot belongs to me.**

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As I arrived back at Rosalie's house all was silent. She and Emmett had gone to dinner to spend some time together before we left for Europe tomorrow morning at the ridiculous time of 7 am, which meant I had to be up at four. I was thankful I didn't have to talk to anyone; I was tired and cranky, and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep.

I quickly made my way to the guest bedroom I had been staying at since being forced to accept Rose's hospitality. It was really a very nice room; light and stylish, just like the other rooms in their huge mansion.

I took off my clothes, neatly putting them near my suitcase, and got in the shower. I sighed as the warm water hit my body; relaxing me marginally and easing the ache in my muscles.

After showering I went straight to bed. I closed my eyes expecting sleep to over take me immediately, but I wasn't so fortunate. The week's events were on replay. I shifted to my side and just let my mind think of whatever it wanted.

Surprisingly, Jacob, and the immense weight that had been lifted off my shoulders, was the first thing my brain conjured up.

The first time I'd left my apartment nothing had been resolved. My emotions had been all over the place, as had Jacob's. We never touched upon my reasons for not wanting the relationship, my issues with what I felt was missing. Jacob hadn't expressed his real feelings on our lack of intimacy. Nothing important had been talked about. But after our discussion on the day I packed up my things I felt a lot better about leaving. At the time I didn't see this; I only saw the man who had pinned me to the sofa and stuck his tongue down my throat while groping me like a piece of meat. The conversation hadn't been pretty. I said things out of spite. I told him things he didn't need to know just for the sake of upsetting him. But in the end, I tried to make Jacob understand why I left. Yes, I was cruel, but this was one of those situations where you had to be cruel to be kind.

Even though he still didn't understand why I'd picked Edward over him, Jacob had looked resigned to the fact our relationship had come to an end. And that nothing was going to make me leave Edward and go back to him.

Nothing would make me leave Edward. Not even his eavesdropping.

I mean, I was having a difficult private conversation with the man whose heart I broke, basically pouring my heart out, and Edward was out there listening to everything I had wanted to keep to myself. Now Edward knew just how much I had fallen for him. It was embarrassing having him know the extent of my feelings.

I had wanted to be mad at his little antics but his face had been so gentle and in awe. I couldn't make a bad word come out; I couldn't reprimand him when he looked like he had just seen the Seventh Wonder of the World.

And, as always, Edward was there to catch me when I couldn't seem to catch myself. Anything requiring a lot of emotion made me tired— exhausted, really—but Edward knew how to make me feel better. He always complained about my constant taking care of him, but in reality he took care of me too. Maybe not physically, but when it came to my emotions he was my protector and the only one who really understood what was going on within my mind, my heart.

As the week progressed I could tell Edward was worried about me. I was still slightly shaken by my conversation with Jacob and I was under a lot of stress. Not only was I doing my job as Edward's assistant but in many ways I was acting as Jasper's PA also. There was simply so much to do, and even though Edward offered to hire more staff, I could tell he was reluctant to have new faces come in to his team. But as I had said to Edward, I knew I could cope with it all; I had dealt with similar high stress situations in my past jobs. It was just the combination of working so much and then the Jacob thing happening all over again, and Edward insisting our relationship be kept secret... Yeah, there was just so much. Too much, really.

I was exhausted.

But I was looking forward to Europe, ecstatic about seeing all the new places. I was thinking of it as a vacation, not work. All of my work was mainly done in the two weeks prior to the European tour. When out there I would be expected to follow Edward around, handing him bottles of water and cups of coffee, maybe holding documents and backstage passes, but nothing would require full brain function. All the important tasks were in Jasper and Gray's hands. I knew all the interviews were going to be tough on Edward; his hair would probably be falling off by the end of our week visiting the countries he needed to attend in order to promote the film. I really did feel sorry for the beautiful coppery strands; they were going to suffer. A lot. But I would try to make the trip comfortable for him... just the thought of how I could make him comfortable had my insides all tingly and excited.

Not only was I eager to do all the usual sightseeing abroad but I was also looking forward to all the things Edward and I could do stuck in a hotel room.

I had compiled a mental list of all the experiences we would have to cover before returning to American soil. Firstly, I wanted to see Edward naked. Secondly, I wanted Edward naked in bed. Thirdly, I wanted Edward naked in bed with an equally naked me. Fourthly, I wanted Edward above me kissing my body, hands roaming and caressing. Fifthly, I wanted him thrusting into me, making passionate love until we were both sated. And finally, I wanted him to repeat points one to five multiple times.

With that final, butterfly inducing thought my mind gave up reality and let me drift off to a dreamless sleep.

**~*~*~*~*~**

I awoke four hours later feeling a little refreshed. After dressing in a grey jersey dress, leggings and Uggs—the most comfortable outfit possible—I went downstairs where I found Emmett already cradling a mug of coffee to his chest.

We exchanged sleepy good mornings before he went to say goodbye to Rose. After putting our suitcases in the Hummer we were on our way. The drive to Edward's house was quiet, both of us not accustomed to waking up at this ungodly hour to make proper conversation.

When we arrived at the house Jasper was outside instructing those who were responsible for orchestrating the trip to the airport. Emmett immediately began hashing out the final details with the security team while I went inside to make sure Edward was ready to go.

Edward was not in bed like I thought he would be, instead he was dressed and lying on the sofa downstairs. There were people going in and out of the house so I couldn't run my fingers through his hair like I wanted to. We had agreed to keep the relationship between us and Edward's inner circle, which really only contained four people and two of them were there because they dated Emmett and Jasper.

I didn't like keeping secrets, in fact, I hated it. It made me feel like I was living a lie, or that Edward was ashamed of me in some way. I knew I was silly to think that when he always made me feel wonderful, cared for and valued. But even with all the logic in the world I still felt like I was being kept secret for ulterior motives and not so our relationship could progress without media intrusion. It all felt forced; we couldn't just be. There was always something to worry about. But such worries didn't need to waste my time right now.

I sat down on the cream armchair opposite the sofa.

"Hey."

His head rose and his sunglass covered eyes looked at me.

"Ugh..."

I chuckled as his head flopped back to the arm rest and he pulled his hood up to cover nearly all of his face.

"Still half asleep, I'm guessing."

His sleep thickened voice was quiet as he complained. "I want to punch Jazz."

"No, you don't."

I knew he did. It wasn't even five in the morning yet. Heck, I wanted to punch Jasper too, after all he was the one who insisted our flight be at 7 am sharp.

"I really, really do. Doesn't he see the moon out there? Normal people don't wake up at this time."

"It's a good thing you aren't normal then."

"Bella, can you please insult me sometime after noon? It's too early to think of a comeback."

I laughed and stretched. "I wasn't insulting you. I was pointing out the obvious fact that you aren't normal. Normal people don't travel on a private jet."

Edward made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a groan. "Point taken."

We feel into silence and my eyes began to droop. I needed to get caffeine in me pronto.

I yawned and got to my feet. "Have you had coffee yet?"

Jasper spoke before Edward had the chance to answer.

"You can get coffee later. Everything is ready so we are set to go."

I nodded and started making my way out only to realise Edward wasn't following.

Edward, in all his adorableness, had fallen asleep.

I was going to wake him up with a soft nudge on his arm but instead Jasper woke him up by hitting the top of his head.

"Jasper!"

"What? We need to get a move on if we are going to keep to the schedule." He turned to Edward who was starting to get up and scowled. "Get your ass off that sofa and into the car."

People began filtering out of the house, leaving Edward and I alone momentarily.

"Do I get to punch Jazz now?"

"No...Maybe. If he keeps being annoying then you can punch him."

Edward smiled crookedly and touched his lips to mine.

"That's all I'm asking for."

The drive to the airport was long. For some reason I didn't even get to sit in the same car as Edward. Instead I was ever so lucky—insert spoonfuls of sarcasm— to get a ride with Gray and his staff. The situation wasn't right.

At the airport there was the usual commotion of paparazzi and security. Edward was instantly swarmed by people as he stepped out of the car, and it was only 6 am.

When I left my car the paparazzi had thankfully dispersed and no one was paying attention to the entourage. I could see Edward in front with two beefy bodyguards surrounding him, as well as Emmett and Jasper. Edward didn't even seem to be missing my presence.

I felt right then more like a thing on the side— something detached from his real life— than I had ever done.

I only got to be with him inside the privacy of his home; outside he wasn't mine.

Blinking back tears, I took out my passport and ticket.

This is what I had signed up for; this was what I'd told him time and time again I wanted. I just... needed to adjust and get use to not being able to be with him all the time.

As I neared the check-in point my phone buzzed.

I flip it open and answered.

"_Where are you?" _

Edward's voice sounded anxious and annoyed.

"I'm checking in."

"_Oh. I can't see you. What number is your check-in desk?"_

I looked up to check. "Twenty-two."

"_Yeah, I can see you. Why aren't you with me?"_

I looked around trying to find him. I wasn't able to. I shrugged in answer to his question, knowing he would be able to see my movement.

"_Check in and then wait there."_

"Ok," I answered flatly.

"_I'll see you in a bit."_

I gave my passport and boarding ticket to the woman manning the desk and then waited.

A few minutes later Emmett came to get me.

He was not a happy bunny.

"Where have you been? Edward's been whinnying for over half an hour. You know I can't stand when he gets all high pitched and stars threatening to fire anyone within a ten mile radius."

I rolled my eyes and followed him. I didn't know who to blame for not being with Edward, but I was certain it wasn't my fault we'd been separated back at the house.

Emmett led me to a first class lounge where Jasper and Edward were waiting.

Jasper just gave me the stink eye for making us eight minutes late and Edward impatiently ran his hand through his hair.

He didn't make a move to come closer to me. There were other people in the lounge so that wasn't a surprise. But even though I expected his non-reaction it still hurt to be ignored by him. It took me several deep breaths to keep emotion from showing on my face.

"Ok, now that Bella is here, we can go. I'm going to see if the jet is ready for us to board." Jasper left quickly and came back quickly; everything was ready for us.

I looked over at Edward as we walked out and found him looking at me with a small smile ghosting his lips, but it faded as my face remained void of any emotion.

As soon as we entered the private jet, Edward took my hand and squeezed it, before letting it go. The small action nearly made me burst into tears; it symbolised our relationship so well. He could hold me but he would, eventually, always let go.

I shook my head trying to keep the tears back and keep my dignity intact. It was hard and I didn't look at Edward or any of the others, rather I took in where I would be spending the next eleven hours.

The plane only had eight seats: two seats facing another two seats with what appear to be a foldaway table in the middle and the same on the other side. I sat facing Edward, and Emmett sat opposite Jasper on the other side of the plane.

I waited for takeoff, for the air steward to bring coffee and snacks and go back to the cockpit, before making eye contact with Edward.

His eyes were on me, offering a silent apology.

"I don't how it happened, Bella. One moment you were there and the next you weren't. I already told Jasper to fire the imbecile who took your seat in the car."

Jasper hummed in agreement and went back to leafing through a magazine. Emmett had his earphones on and had put his seat back—ready to catch up on lost sleep.

I tucked my legs under me and nodded. "It's fine."

I didn't sound the least bit 'fine'. I didn't even manage to fool myself.

Of course I didn't fool Edward. I could see by his expression that he didn't believe me. But sensing I wasn't in the mood to talk about it he just sighed and got a book out.

I looked out the window for over half an hour. There was a tense feeling within the small cabin, no conversation was made. The only noise came from the plane turbines and the quiet music escaping from Emmett's iPod.

Jasper gave up on reading his magazine around the time I gave up trying to understand what I was feeling, and chucked it to me before putting his earphones on and closing his eyes.

The magazine sat on my lap for a few minutes. It was _Vanity Fair_'s latest issue with Edward on the cover. He looked incredibly handsome in the simple brown clothes they had styled him in. I wanted to read it but for some reason the magazine remained closed.

I narrowed my eyes at it. I wasn't sure if I was mad at the magazine/ media or at Edward. Yes, the media were always intruding into people's business, but then again, it wasn't the media that concocted this ridiculous secrecy plan. When I agreed to it, I hadn't considered how much it would upset me, but now I knew for certain that the more Edward kept me separate from his life the worse I felt. I just wanted him completely, but Edward preferred to pretend I didn't exist when in public. This whole thing made me question myself, my self-worth, how much Edward wanted me. It was irrational, but insecurities rarely do have their rational heads on.

I was angry, sad, annoyed...I was so many things that I just wanted to hurl the magazine at something. But instead of inflicting violence on someone, which would have very likely been Edward, I opened the magazine and turned to the interview.

I skim read the four page article and by the time I was finished the tears had broken free. There was no way I could keep them in my tear ducts. Not when I was reading this and remembering that the day Edward gave the interview I had been kidnapped by Rose and taken on a shopping expedition.

Maybe I had read it wrong? That can happen when you skim.

I turned back the pages and re-read the words that were the catalyst for my waterworks.

"_...Edward Cullen's reputation precedes his every move. He has been described as the best actor of his generation, and few have questioned his status as a legend in waiting. While his talent is undeniable, it is not the topic tabloids concentrate upon. His films have taken up less space in the weekly magazines than discussions on his behaviour on and off set. Supposed insiders have labelled him as 'difficult', 'moody' and a 'diva'. However, as Edward Cullen walks in to the suite where the interview was scheduled to take place, he breaks out of the typical Hollywood mould. With him are his manager and head bodyguard, whom I later find out are childhood friends, and not the large entourages commonly seen following stars with his level of fame. He greets me politely and apologises for being ten minutes late. There are no outlandish requests or any hints of his infamous temper. Instead he sips his coffee and answers my questions, albeit in a reserved manner, only hesitating when they become of a personal nature. His manager is quick to intervene and re-direct the interview into neutral ground, but his bodyguard is not as diplomatic and states that I'm being "uncool" by asking about Edward's love life. This earns a small smirk from the quiet star..._

_...I show Edward the photographs from the photo shoot. He doesn't obsess over them as many image conscious celebrities do. He simply says that they are "nice" and that the photographer was "great". As we take a break and I leave to answer a phone call, I briefly overhear Edward ask his manager if it is possible to have a copy of the photographs made because "She really wanted to see them". This _she _becomes a constant presence in the room, her name is never disclosed and they don't talk about her directly to me, but _she_ is mentioned several times in the last hour of the interview. Edward checks the time repeatedly and asks his bodyguard if "she will be back yet" and "when will she get dropped off". And as the end of the interview approaches he fidgets with his phone, opening and closing it several times until his manager tells him to "stop being annoying" and for him to just "call her"..._

_...I begin to put away my interview notes. Edward Cullen is still in the room waiting for his car to be brought to a secure location so he can leave without paparazzi interruptions. It is then that conversation between him and his friends becomes candid. Thankfully my Dictaphone is still recording and it is able to capture everything said. His bodyguard sighs and states that "Dude, the next time we are just bringing her; she's the only one that can shut you up.", to which Edward responds "It was your girlfriend's fault she isn't here... Man, I just wanted—" He is interrupted by his manager who has a grin on his face, "Yeah, I know. You just wanted to see her. And you will. I bet you your Vanquish she will be at yours when you get back." Edward Cullen looks at his friend and smiles for the first time in the three hours we were in the suite. _

_It appears I can answer the question on the lips of every gossip queen/king in Hollywood. Is Edward Cullen single? From what I witnessed I would have to say 'Definitely not'. I would even go as far as saying that People Magazine's Most Beautiful Man 2008 and 2009 is rather in love with whomever this_ she _is. Then again she could be his mother (even though his mother is never mention in interviews), sister (which is unlikely considering he is an only child), friend (he has described himself as a loner with two friends)... the list of possibilities is endless..."_

My vision was blurred and cleared as tears appeared and fell. I'd believed I was never on his mind or at least not on his mind to the extent he's always on mine. But from reading his interview I can tell he thinks of me, mentions me and is excited to see me—just like me with him.

I close the magazine and look at the amazing man in front of me. His hair is a disarrayed mess and his brow is furrowed. Edward's stance is tense and I'm the reason for it. He doesn't deserve my silence but rather my understanding and acceptance; he is just trying to do the best with the situation at hand and I should do the same.

I unbuckle my seatbelt and pluck the book from Edward's hands, placing it on the seat beside him.

He looks at me with wide eyes. They were apologetic, matching my own.

I sit down on his lap sideways and kiss his neck telling him how sorry I am for blaming it all on him without even intending to. Edward hugs me close and brings his lips to my jaw, apologising in his own way.

"I was a bitch. Nothing was your fault and I shouldn't have acted like it was," I mumbled quietly so the others couldn't hear, even if they had their iPods on.

Edward shakes his head. "You had every reason. If I had put my foot down this wouldn't have happened."

I leant away from him so I could see his face. "No, I didn't have every reason. I overreacted; there was nothing to justify me being mean. I...just didn't want to be separated from you."

Edward didn't accept my reasons and started to shake his head again.

I knew him too well and I could see the words that were going to escape his mouth. He was undoubtedly going to put all of this mess on his own shoulders rather than put some of the heavy weight of blame on mine. And that _I _wasn't going to accept.

I trapped his stupid words with a kiss. It didn't take long for Edward to respond and he quickly wrapped his lips around mine. He was gentle but I could feel the passion simmering beneath the surface. I didn't know why I ever questioned how much he wanted me, from the way he was pulling me closer until there was no space between us and the intensity I felt as his hands clutched the fabric of my dress, I knew for certain that he not only wanted me but that he _needed _me. I couldn't ask for more.

The knowledge of our mutual want for each other made us frantic, like it always did. Our kisses had increasingly escalated to near dry-humps and this one was no exception.

Without a second thought to Jazz or Em's presence, I straddled Edward's lap and started unconsciously lifting my body up and down against his, feeling his hardness under his jeans, all the while making sure our lips were not once separated.

His hands unclenched and went to my hips to guide my actions and speed up my movements. I manoeuvred just so, hitting the right spot, making me shudder completely. My head fell to his shoulder as I tried to keep back a small moan. Edward followed my movements, trying to silence the groans my body was eliciting from his.

We moved together, straining so we could both reach our imminent pleasure. Edward's hands moved up and down my sides and I began to lose control of the sounds escaping my mouth. I was breathing rapidly as my muscles tightened. Sensing how close I was, Edward caressed me where I needed him.

He slowly started to rub me with his thumb but his touches were unfulfilling, the layers interfering with the intimate act. I whimpered in frustration. I could feel it, it was just _there..._but I wasn't going to reach it if he didn't touch me fully.

I grabbed his hand and plunged it under my dress and leggings. I heard his sharp intake of breath when his hand made contact with my underwear. With wet kisses to my neck, his thumb circled me, bringing me closer and closer.

His other hand guided me to his length, telling me silently what he wanted. I wrapped my fingers around him, feeling how hard I had made him, despite his jeans being in the way. My touches were fast and determined—His thumb was getting me closer to mine and I was going to make sure I brought him to climax.

I ran my finger where I thought his head would be and pressed down. His hips bucked under me and his thumb was replaced by his hand. My pleasure increased and I could tell I was about to come. One more little circle and I was biting down on his shoulder, ridding the amazing sensation running through my body.

When I came down from my high, I was panting and sated from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. Edward was immobile as he sensually licked my throat and jaw. And even though he was lavishing me with attention, I could feel his body stiff full with want. Redoubling my efforts to get him to his release, I used both hands. Soon he was breathing hard, just as I had been, and mumbling incoherent nothings in my ear.

He thrust his hips eagerly to meet my strokes and bit my earlobe whenever I touched him a little more vigorously. I let my fingers caress his hardness until he stilled my hand with a sharp hiss.

"Shit. Uh...It's...going."—he stopped talking and took a deep breath—"It's going to be very messy."

"Mmm, I don't mind."

I began to stroke him again and had to bite my lip from smiling at Edward's mutterings.

"Messy, messy...Yeah....Oh God... Messy, very messy."

I was suddenly lifted off his lap and deposited on my seat. Edward ran to the compact bathroom on the other side of the plane and I couldn't help be both turned on and amused by his reaction to just my touch.

During Edward's time in the bathroom taking care of his business, I righted my clothes and melted against my seat.

My limbs felt like jelly, and I was on cloud nine... maybe cloud twelve. The last time I had something wonderful like that happen to me was, well, never. Nothing had ever felt as good as a dry-hump on a private jet. And I was sure the only thing that could top it was going to be Edward and me making love for the first time.

When Edward came back a few minutes later, flushed with a sated smile firmly in place, he sank next to me and dropped a kiss to the top of my head.

I really wanted to return to his lap and fall asleep, but in reality I felt a little bit...yucky.

I stood up and pulled my jersey dress down further.

"I'm just going to... you know..."

Sure I could dry-hump the man but I sure as heck couldn't tell him I was cleaning myself up. Oh, how life is full of paradoxes.

I straighten myself up and pulled my hair into a ponytail. When I returned to the cabin Edward had pulled his seat back so it resembled a single bed.

I climbed in beside him, squeezing into the small space, and we began to kiss again. There was nothing hurried or hungry about it, just tender lips giving tender kisses.

"Does that mean I can join the mile high club now?"

I laughed at how he managed to break the romantic moment so quickly.

"Er, no. I mean, I don't think so. Maybe you're half way into the club."

Edward's chest bounced as he chuckled. "Who decides these things? With my connection I'm sure I can get them to agree to let us into this exclusive club."

I slipped my leg in between his and used my best sexy kitten voice to tease him.

"Or we could just go the old fashioned way."

One of his hands travelled up and down my thigh and the other tilted my chin so he was looking at my face. I thought he was going to make a joke but instead he pecked my lips softly.

"You're amazing."—He shook his head as if trying to put his thoughts back into place—"The best thing in my life, without question."

Those treacherous tears returned, but now they made an appearance because my happiness was spilling out. 'Lucky' didn't cover how fortunate I was to have been able to meet Edward. He was all that I wanted. And I knew for certain that whether he worked in Mc Donald's or earned millions, I would still love him the same.

For the remainder of the flight we talked about nothing and everything. The conversation was sporadically interrupted by us making out like sixteen year olds in the back row of the cinema.

Half way through our eleven hour flight we fell asleep. I snuggled closer to him and laid my head on his chest; his heartbeat my lullaby.

We were awoken by the captain telling us that the seatbelt signs were being turned on and we should return to our seats and buckle up for landing.

It didn't take long for touchdown and before we could set foot outside, we were promptly escorted to a first class lounge. I didn't hold Edward's hand or act like his girlfriend in any way. But even though it was hard and I felt a tiny tear rip through me at our distance from one another, I was 'okay' with it. This is what I had to put up with in order to be with him. It was worth this and much, much more.

The wait in the lounge was only for half an hour, just long enough to organise Edward's transport to the _Savoy Hotel. _Unlike last time I was safely sat beside Edward. Now my hand was in his and all was well in my little Edward world.

Outside the car windows the English weather was grim but exceedingly beautiful. The sky was a murky grey but the ground was covered in fluffy white snow. As we took a left at a roundabout I saw a sign, 'Welcome to London Heathrow'. I don't know why it made my skin rise up in goosebumps, but it did. For some reason I sensed this trip was going to change everything.

* * *

**Ew, I can't believe they got it on with Em and Jazz right _there. _Those two crazy kids. *shakes head disapprovingly*  
**

**I also can't believe I wrote this in the library. I could feel my laptop crying, begging me to do research instead of writing a half lemon. I, of course, ignored my laptop.**

**And has anyone ever been in a first class lounge? Dudes, they are sweeet. I get excited easily, as you can probably tell.**

**Anywho...  
**

**Oufits wil be up tomorrow. **

**Reviews are love :)**

**~*~*~*~*~*~**

**_The Savoy Hotel_- Prestigious Hotel in London.**

**_Heathrow-_ Busiest airport in England. (which I hate cause it's super confusing)  
**


	17. I Heart London

**I'm really sorry for the delay. For some reason the chapters are getting harder to write.**

**Disclaimer: The characters belong to SM.  
**

* * *

By the time we arrived at the hotel it was late, but the eight hour time difference and the five hours of napping on the plane meant none of us were ready or wanting to go to sleep. So instead of retreating to their own suites, Jasper and Emmett made themselves at home in Edward's room and were battling each other in an intense game of checkers on the floor. I had a suite to myself but it was only for show, to keep the hotel staff from suspecting anything. The only thing I intended on doing in _my_ hotel room was jumping on the bed, making it appear like I slept there. The only place I wanted to be was where I was now; snuggled next to Edward, listening to him grumble at Emmett for sticking his head in front of the TV.

The hotel we were staying at was so beautiful. Old fashioned with floral patterns on the curtains and bedspreads, elegance dripped everywhere. It had large windows overlooking London, but the city was a black canvas, shrouded by the darkness of the night with the outside lamps lighting dim circles on the street— the snow atop the rows Victorian houses was barely visible.

I couldn't wait to see it, to see the London often portrayed in films. I wanted to visit Covent Garden and Trafalgar square, walk down Oxford Street and spend hours in the British Museum. I was well aware of how packed Edward's schedule was, heck I'd helped organise it, but he had big chunks of time where he was free to explore the city. On Monday he had interviews from eight till one with the British press; he then had a two hour brake, followed by another four hours of interviews. He would be done by seven, after which he was free to do what he wanted. Then on Tuesday he was scheduled for a one hour press conference in the afternoon and the premiere to attend, meaning his morning was completely free.

We could cram a lot in before travelling to Paris Wednesday, and I really couldn't wait to see it all with him, but for now I was happy to just be lying in bed with him.

I shuffled closer to Edward and let my hand ghost over a sliver of exposed skin above his jeans. I felt his muscles twitch and Edward smile against my forehead. I loved this; being with him and not having to hide our affection. It felt natural.

As I continued to lightly trace my fingertips over Edward's glorious happy trail, his stomach rumble, demanding food.

I looked up and found his eyes on my face.

"Maybe we should order room service?" I suggested quietly, not wanting to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere.

"Mmm, sounds good." Edward reached beside him, picking up a rectangular cushion and threw it at Emmett's head. "Dude, get us room service, and for all that is holy, get your supersized head out of the way—I can't see the TV."

Emmett ducked before the cushion connected with his head and grumbled something under his breath. Whatever it was it made Jasper chuckle and nod in agreement.

"I'm sorry Emmett, I didn't quiet catch that. Care to repeat it?" Edward asked, irritably.

He had been a grumpy pants since setting foot in the hotel. I mainly attributed it to the masses of screaming fan girls and the receptionist drooling on his shoes. Now, in true Edward fashion, he was letting everyone know exactly how he felt by being a grouchy old man.

"Nope, I'm good, sweet cakes."

I huffed. Emmett was just adding fuel to the fire, which he was fine with since he wasn't the one who would then have to spend the rest of the night and all of tomorrow trying to get Edward out of his bad mood. Mm... come to think of it, I wouldn't mind that task either.

Beside me Edward started to do that thing where his jaw goes all tense and I can tell he's trying to keep his anger in check. It's really kind of cute. "Just get the damn menus, Emmett."

"Something wrong with your legs?"

It was like we were in a playground and they were six year olds trying to see whose daddy is the bestestest, and not men in their twenties in a five star hotel.

"Emmett—"

I quickly kissed Edward on the lips, stopping his tirade, and made my way to where the menus were. I threw one at Emmet, which _did _make contact with his head, and took one over to the bed for Edward.

Em rubbed the spot where the leather menu hit him, acting as if he was greatly injured. _Pfft_, as if something that tiny could hurt the latest incarnation of the Hulk.

"You know, you two are the most ungrateful people I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Considering we—" He stopped as his face was greeted with many red checker pieces.

"What did I tell you? Keep your gob shut, man." Jasper rolled his eyes and punched Em's shoulder.

"C'mon! I bruise like a peach, you know that."

I mentally snorted at his ridiculous claim, but what he said made me curious. I perched on the end of the bed and regarded the two conspirators on the floor in front of me. They were hiding something...Well, they were always hiding something, but that's beyond the point.

"No, no. There are no secrets amongst friends. Spill it, Em," I demanded.

There was some rustling behind me as Edward joined my side.

"Er, I said nothing. Um..."—Emmett flipped through the menu, trying to not make eye contact—"I think I'll have the Risotto with chicken fillet and beans."

Jasper cleared his throat and took the menu. "Oh that sounds nice, yeah. Mm, I'm going for the salted salmon fettuccini."

I couldn't help a very lady like snort; they were not well practiced in the art of changing the subject.

"Whatever it is, it can't be so bad that you need to keep it a secret."

"Buttons, you have no idea."

I loved Emmett; he never could hold himself back from responding. His outspoken nature, so unlike Jasper's, usually meant punches or slaps were needed to make sure he kept things to himself. This time was no different.

"Am I going to have to sew your mouth shut?" Jasper asked as he punched Emmett.

Em looked stunned for a second before returning Jasper's blow, making Jazz lose his balance and fall backwards on the floor. In a blink of an eye Jasper had thrown himself on top of Emmett and was pulling his hair.

I couldn't help but laugh. Really, what guy pulls hair in a fight?

They started rolling around, punching and hair pulling, insulting each other's mommas. Which is ironic considering neither of them really knew their moms.

Edward was shaking beside me with silent laughter, but pretty soon neither of us could hold back large snorts. The situation was so ridiculous; we really had returned to the school playground.

Then Edward had to join in by calling out fighting tips from his spot on the bed. I should've seen it coming, really. When he told Jasper to tighten up his fist just a _little _bit more, Emmett froze and his eye started twitching. It was fascinating to watch.

"Cullen, can you please keep out of this? Two men are fighting; have some respect. And next time you want to get busy in a plane, do it when no one is around so I don't have to beat up Jazz and try to keep shit secret."

Yeah, I stopped laughing after that. I could feel the blush spread all over me; feel my cheeks turn pink and then a hideous shade of appalling red. He couldn't mean what I think he meant, because if he meant it, then I was ready to die from embarrassment.

I turned to look at Edward, my mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. His cheeks were flushed but not enough to say he was blushing. His jaw, though, was going into overdrive with all the flexing it was doing.

"What did you say?" Edward's voice, unlike his face, didn't show any form of annoyance or embarrassment.

Uh-oh.

"I'm going to be scarred for life. Not even my iPod could keep the sounds out."

Mortified, that's what I was in that exact moment. I didn't know whether to burrow under the bed covers and never resurface again, not even for oxygen, or to break Em and Jazz's noses. I liked the last option a lot more.

Thankfully my knight in shining armour was able to resolve the situation for me before I broke my hand trying to exact revenge. Edward launched himself on top of the other two and soon enough things had turned into a full out war.

I was worried about their horsing around; not really wanting them to injure Edward. But I could see they were just playing—well, for most part. It was that mock wrestling guys do, only joking with each other but underneath it all they are actually competing to see who's the strongest. Silly boys.

After a couple of minutes I got bored. Watching them three roll around screeching and acting every bit the tough men they are wasn't very interesting. Now, if I you removed Jazz and Em from the equation and added me, well, then things could get much, much more interesting. But it wasn't going to happen; they were enjoying feeling each other up far too much for it to come to an end.

When things descend into a tickling match, I knew I had better things to do. I left them on the floor and went to order dinner. I got what the guys said they wanted, ordered Edward a stake, which I was sure would be the size of a cow, and opted for tomato soup for myself.

When room service arrived they still hadn't desisted in their mock fight. It didn't really bother me; Edward was smiling and laughing and that was all that mattered. The man who delivered the food, however, wasn't accustomed to their child like behaviour as I was. He eyed them as if they had escaped a mental facility and placed the food on the dining table as quickly as he possibly could. I was sure he now thought all celebrities had missing brain cells.

I removed the steel dome covers from the plates, checking to see if they got our order right. The meals were all there, as was the bunch of muffins I'd ordered as an afterthought. I was certain Edward would love them.

I sat down and started slurping my soup loudly, not waiting for them to stop fighting. Soon enough, Emmett heard the clinking of my spoon and extricated himself from the heap of limbs on the floor with one last kick to Jasper's shin.

"Damn, I'm hungry."

He took the seat in front of me but I avoided looking in his direction. For freaking's sake, the man knew what I sounded like when I got, er, excited. It was wrong, so darn wrong.

Edward and Jasper joined us a few moments later, still chuckling. But the conversation around the table was non-existent. I was trying to pretend I was just in Edward's company and ignored the others—Jasper was doing the same, as he concentrate all his attention on the fettuccini in front of him.

"Oh, come on people. Why so silent? Why so blue? Why so red, Bella?" Ha, ha. Emmett thought he was funny, but really, he wasn't.

"Em, I will kick your butt again," Edward threatened, not even looking up from his meal.

"Ha. Kick my butt. Good one. But seriously, Buttons, there's no need to be embarrassed. Love is a beautiful thing."

His comment was badly timed; I had just stuffed a chunk of bread in my mouth— Chocking after what Em said was inevitable.

Edward slowly patted my back whilst glaring at his stupid friend. When I had more control over my breathing and drank some water, I mustered all my courage and beat down as much embarrassment as possible before looking Emmett in the eye.

"Let's pretend you didn't hear what you heard, 'kay?"

Emmett nodded. "I heard nothing; I saw nothing."

My face was a chameleon; it blended in with my shame.

"You saw?!" Hysterical screeching was really called for in this situation.

Jasper and Edward groaned in unison, Emmett shrugged and I nearly pass out from mortification.

"Not much. I kind of tried to keep the good ol' eyes closed."

Not much? That didn't mean 'nothing'.

"Ohmygod. Edward..." I whimpered and hid my face in his chest.

"Right. Get out, both of you."

"What!"

"Em, grab your food and go away, you idiot."

I heard the creaking of chairs, muffled footsteps and then, thankfully, the click of a door being closed.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to look at them again, ever," I mumbled.

"Of course you will."

"Nah, I won't."

Edward chuckled quietly but hugged me with one arm—his other arm was curled around his plate as he tried to cut his stake with one hand.

I gave up on my soup, not liking what its red-orangey colour reminded me of, and went to have a shower. When I came out of the bathroom Edward was already in bed, his hair damp and his chest bare. He'd obviously showered in one of the other gazillion bathrooms in his presidential suite. I joined him in bed and curled around him, loving the feel of his warm skin underneath my finger tips and the way his scent and arms wrapped around me. Within minutes our breathing had slowed down to a steady rhythm and I fell asleep to the faint sounds of London in the background.

XXX

Our morning was hectic and tiresome. The first sight that greeted me was not Edward by my side but rather clothes flying across the room, followed closely by shoes. Edward had been restless to get the day started so he could get it finished, but he was having trouble getting dressed—he couldn't find the shirt and tie combo he wanted to wear. So he'd dumped the contents of his luggage on the floor. He stomped around the room, pointlessly going through every empty drawer, shutting them forcefully, waking up the hotel with his mutterings. It was the first of many hissy fits he threw during the morning.

I suspected he was acting up because of his anxiety at facing the press so I didn't tell him to stop being a moron, instead I sat him down and gave him the muffins I'd ordered last night. Their chocolaty goodness seemed to placate him momentarily. However, his niceness only lasted the three minutes it took him to eat a muffin and drink a glass of milk, then he went back to being the aggravating Hollywood star he had been when I first met him.

As the first film crew was escorted to the living room to start setting up, Edward, strangely enough, calmed down marginally. But my nerves, which had been hidden deep inside of me, resurfaced. I felt Edward pull away instantly as people came into the room; there was more distance between us, no contact, and our conversations turned formal. I even found myself cringing every time I called him 'Edward' in front of others, preferring instead to not say his name at all or address him as 'Cullen'.

It was difficult seating in the background listening to the same questions being repeated and watching his acute discomfort every time some journalist touched on a sensitive subject. But it was even harder to witness him deny our relationship without hesitation, watch Jasper jump in and state that while no personal questions were being answered, that yes, he could confirm Edward's single status.

After what seemed an eternity of interviews, I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed to get fresh air or at least new stale air; I needed to get out of the once spacious but now claustrophobic room. I took myself to my own suite and sat down on the bed. The nothingness I heard was a welcomed change. My thoughts floated around my head, questioning my decision to fake my path and remain hidden under my title of assistant. But I came to the conclusion—like I always did— that in the end, Edward was worth any sacrifice on my part. I'd had an hour alone with my mind and silence when the guys joined me in my room for lunch. My embarrassment was still apparent around Jasper and Emmett but I needed them and their support to get through weeks of having Edward erase my presence and meaning in his life to the world.

The morning quickly became afternoon and I was going crazy stuck in the luxurious hotel. Seven o'clock took far too long to arrive, but arrive it did. The last camera crew packed up their equipment and left right on the dot.

I stared out the window, my eyes following the murky waters of the River Thames, taking in the city I had yet to see. The other team members were cheery as they left to explore London's nightlife. I'd felt a small pang of sadness as I sat down on the bed instead of changing clothes and delving into London's culture. But it seemed like I was the only one disappointed to still be inside. Next to me, Edward was contently reading a horror novel– happy the day was done with. Jasper and Emmett were watching the English equivalent of Jerry Springer, but, apparently, with less violence. I… I was exasperated.

"Can we do something?" I asked no one in particular. If I stayed in the hotel room while London was out there, bustling and exciting, I was going to lose my mind and scream. And become even more dramatic than I already was.

"Come and watch _Jeremy Kyle_. It's so funny; the dude acts like he knows everything."

I ignored Jasper's recommendation, instead choosing to focus my attention on the man next to me.

"Edward, don't you want to do something?"

He put his book down on the side as he answered, "Like what?"

"Anything. We're in London; there are loads of places to go."

"Er, sure? I mean, I guess so. If you want to." Well that was decisive.

"Buttons, I don't think that's a good idea, with Eddie being famous and all."

I nodded and sighed in resignation. Of course, of course that crucial detail was the bane of my existence. Everything in my life now centred on the fact that my boyfriend was famous. The decisions normal people face don't apply to those connected with Hollywood royalty—it was no longer a matter of choosing _where_ to go but whether or not we _could_ go. Edward's gilded cage was shutting me in and the desire to escape its confines was growing stronger every second I only saw London's skyline.

My next sigh was not one of annoyance or in defeat brought about by the situation. My sigh was in disappointment with myself. I was complaining about this and that instead of appreciating the good things. I'd joined Edward in the cage but at least I was in there with him. And London, well, London was beautiful, I'm sure, but it wasn't worth me getting stressed about it. I had enough things to keep me entertained in this beautiful hotel room.

I rolled to my side and gave Edward a small kiss before telling him I was going to have bath. I chose the big bathroom with the Jacuzzi tub to unwind in. I turned on all the taps and the jets, poured in some bubble bath and started to undress. I was removing my blouse when Edward walked in, stopping near an oval ottoman in the middle of the bathroom.

I stood there, in my far too cutesy yellow and pink polka dot underwear, blinking and blushing as Edward took in my appearance. It was the first time he was seeing me without clothes and the urge to pick up a towel and cover by body was overwhelming. I was self-conscious of what I might appear to him, whether he would notice how my stomach was not quite flat, or when I moved a certain way you could see hints of cellulite. I was worried I wasn't going to come up to scratch; that his standards were too high for me to reach. After all, this was the man who dated Victoria Secret Angels and Bond Girls.

If this scene were to be repeated later on in our relationship I would have been fine in my semi-nakedness; I would've simply continued getting undressed, not paying any real attention to Edward's presence in the bathroom. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable with my body, because that wasn't the case. In the 'good' stages of my relationship with Jacob I would've been fine with having showers with him or walking around the bedroom topless and only wearing boy shorts – It was the judgement, not the nudity, which I feared now. I just needed to get more comfortable being this way with Edward.

It seemed like hours before he took steps towards me, but in reality it was mere seconds. His eyes travelled all over my body as he came closer and closer, his gaze making splodges of pink appear on my pale skin. When he was near enough to touch me, to let his fingers graze my back, my skin responded by bursting into goosebumps—its own unique celebration to his nearness. Edward followed the contour of my spine slowly, an imperceptible bump at a time, ghosting fingers making me melt into his body. As he came to the end of his path, his hands left my back and traced the slight flare of my hips in a repetitive soothing pattern.

His touch, every minute movement of his hands, was making my insecurities disappear in a cloud of smoke. Then his words and lips made me forget them all together.

"Your skin... your body is… I mean, so beautiful. All of you is just… wow." His broken sentence was sprinkled across my collarbone as he kissed it sweetly.

"Edward," I whispered without meaning to. His name tumbled out, joining the sounds of the water cascading in the bathtub.

His lips made their way gradually up my neck, to my left cheek and finally arriving at my mouth. Edward licked my lips before sucking my bottom lip in between his. We kissed standing there, him fully clothed and me in nothing but a few scraps of cotton, listening to each other's panting breaths and the sounds of water running gently.

Water running.

Shit.

I pushed away from Edward and lunged to turn off the bathtub taps quickly. The water was nearly to the point of overflowing and the bubbles from the bubble bath were falling off the edge of the tub.

I remembered just in time. Now, thankfully, I wouldn't have to explain to housekeeping or the hotel manager why water had seeped to the room bellow.

"That was close."

Edward hugged me from behind and nuzzled my neck.

"Mmm, it would have been funny trying to explain what happened." I smirked, turning to look at him. Sometimes it was weird how alike our thoughts could be.

"You mean awkward. Don't you think I've had enough embarrassment to last me a life time?" He laughed and started kissing me again. At this rate the water would cool and I would never have my bath. "Ugh, Edward, stop distracting me," I complained with a smile. "I will never get in the bathtub unless you stop kissing me. And anyway, why are you here? Come to watch a show or something?"

Edward laughed, smiling that crooked smile I like so much and sat down on the ottoman, looking up at me with the green jewels he had for eyes.

"Why don't you have your bath, angel, and I'll talk."

I hesitated. I just got over him seeing me in underwear, now I was going to have to pluck up the courage to go completely nude in front of him? With all the lights on and no shadows to hide behind? Whatever happened to taking it slow? Someone somewhere was asking far too much of me.

"Don't worry, I'll avert my eyes."

Relief swept through me. He was so good to me. Even the most heartless bitch couldn't help but fall for this man. No one stood a chance. Heck, no one would want to stand a chance.

Edward lowered his head, a smirk still lingering on the edge of his mouth. I trailed my fingers through his beautiful hair and started to slip off my underwear. I lowered myself in the tub— a small amount of water escaping as a result of my movement— and covered my body with bubbles.

"Okay, you can look."

His head lifted and his smirk grew to a grin. "I haven't painted in a while, but when I get back home this image, you surrounded by bubbles, is the first thing I'm going to put on a canvas."

"Edward, stop trying to be smooth and tell me what you came in here to say."

He got up and sat on the edge of the tub, picking up a loofa and started to wash the arm I had exposed to put my hair in a ponytail.

"You are so bossy."

"Look who's talking, sweetie."

"I hate that endearment."

Edward's grumble made me laugh. I knew he loved when I called him 'sweetie'; he always got a smile on his face when I did.

"No you don't."

"Fine, I don't hate it. But couldn't we come up with something more masculine?"

"Where would the fun in that be?" I splashed his hand and he splashed me back. Playful Edward was my favourite Edward. Well, I like sweet Edward and bare-chested Edward too. Oh and then there were grumpy Edward and sleepy Edward… There were just too many sides of Edward that I liked. It was impossible to have a favourite, really.

"Okay, 'sweetie' stays. Anyway, I came to ask you something."

He trailed the loofa up and down my arm, around my neck and over my shoulders. I eased back further and relaxed completely.

"So, I was thinking." His hand slipped under the water as he washed my back. "I've been to London a few times but I've never gone anywhere except to hotels, and well, I thought maybe we should go somewhere."

No, no. I didn't want this. He was going out of his way for me, to make me happy. But I knew he would be content to sit and read, or watch something silly on TV. He had no desire to go out and see tourist sites. I hated the feeling of being a chore or a weight on his shoulders.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the floor so I could see his face. "Edward, you don't have to. I understand you can't just walk out and about, and you don't need to. Really, you don't need to do this to try to please me. We can stay in and watch a film, order room service, talk."

Edward brought my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers. "I'll do anything to please you. But you're not the only one getting fed up with being inside. I hate having to stay here while there are more exciting things to do outside."

"That's not true. You only want to go out because of me."

"Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, I want to go out too..." His argument was very unconvincing, and he knew it. "Look Bella, you make me happy and I want to make you happy. It only seems fair."

"But—"

Edward dropped my hand and stood up. "Nope, not listening. Have your bath and then get dressed. It's started to snow again so wrap up warm."

With that he left me alone in the bathroom. It only took me a second before I stood up in a hurry, forgot anything about relaxing baths, and wrapped myself in one of those fluffy white towels I'd been eyeing up earlier. I slipped a bit and tripped twice as I made my way to the bedroom to pick out something to wear. I was so, so excited. My heart was jumping inside my chest and I couldn't stop giggles from escaping. I was going to see London!

_Oh goodness gracious me._

I rummaged through my suitcase, grabbing the first decent warm article of clothing and something that sort of matched it, and ran to the bathroom with Edward's laughter following my footsteps.

It took me less than five minutes to get dressed. By the time I re-emerged Edward was ready also. I couldn't help but act like a five year old and skip my way to where he was.

"I'm ready," I said with a huge smile taking up half of my face.

"I can tell." Edward laughed as I poked him playfully.

"Oh shush, I'm just a tad excited."

Edward intertwined his fingers with mine and started to lead the way out of the room. The moment the door closed behind me I felt free, free like a bird.

_Turn the dramatics down just a bit._

"Em and Jazz are downstairs waiting for us," Edward explained as we walked down the empty corridor. "The security team has been contacted, but they'll keep away so we can be less conspicuous."

We waited for the lift and when it came, Edward started to prepare his disguise. He wore a beanie hat, dark sunglasses, gloves, hoodie, and large coat. No one would be able to see the colour of his eyes or hair, not even the colour of his skin was visible unless he was seen from the front.

"Sounds great. But where are we going?"

Before Edward could answer the lift doors opened and we quietly left through a side exit, avoiding the busy hotel lobby.

When we stepped onto the street it was already dark. The sun had started setting sometimes after half six, and now, at a few minutes past eight, the sun had disappeared from the horizon and only stars lit up the London sky. The scenery was further enhanced by the speckles of snow falling, melting when it reached the road but settling when it fell upon the greenery. As we walked, a few steps apart, my breath came out in little puffs, and the tip of my nose grew slightly pink from the cold air. I wanted to move closer to Edward and have his heat warm up my side, encase his hand in my own and provide some warmth for him too. But I didn't close the gap, knowing it was there for a reason. Instead I stayed on my side, admiring the details of London still partially visible.

It didn't take long for me to spot Emmett and Jasper patiently waiting for our arrival. When they saw us, they began to walk a few steps in front. I frowned in response but then saw in my peripheral vision two huge men move behind us. It finally hit me what was happening. They were executing the triangle formation: two bodyguards behind and one in front.

Shaking my head at how weird everything had become, I tried to blend in with the crowd walking down the street. "So where are we going?"

"The National Gallery."

"Really?" I asked as I bounced down the street. Maybe I wasn't so good at blending in with the serious Londoners.

"Well, we had to think of a place where photography was restricted and we only came up with The National Gallery. That way there is less chance of photographs being taken, and if someone does attempt to take a photo of us then they will be escorted out. And we can also kill two birds with one stone; the gallery is in Trafalgar Square." Edward answered looking down at his feet.

I smiled, doing nothing to hide how excited I was. Without thinking I reached for Edward's hand but he moved away. His eyes were looking straight forward at couple coming towards us, his slight grimace and discomfort explained why he did what he did. It had been a thoughtless action on my part and I understood his reaction. I had no other option but to understand it.

I remained silent as we navigated through the crowds, always keeping my distance from Edward but never too far that he couldn't wrap an arm around me. Eh, a girl can't lose hope. As we walked past a building with mirrored doors, Edward's reflection stared back at me. I giggled and he turned to me, his lips quirking up at the sound of my amusement.

"Um, can you actually see?"

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "Of course I can see. Why do you ask?"

I laughed as I answered, "Well, you are wearing dark sunglasses and its night time. I just thought that would make things difficult."

He snorted and removed his sunglasses. "Yeah, I did wonder why it was so dark."

I threw my head back and laughed, revelling in the feeling of being in an amazing city with an amazing man. My laughter quieted down when a big crowd of tourists and commuters came towards us. We got lost in the sea of people all focused on getting home or seeing more of London, and as I looked at Edward, his gaze was on me, and then his arm was wrapped around my waist.

_Ha. You should never lose hope. _

I was startled by his sudden change in attitude but he whispered that no one was paying attention, something which was very true. People didn't even look our way; they were too busy in their own little worlds to notice two people holding each other.

"You're so beautiful when you laugh," He told me quietly.

I moved closer to Edward's side, enjoying the turn of events.

"Oh no, here comes the poetry," I teased.

"Geese, Bella. Just accept the compliment, will you?"

"Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

"I know." Edward squeezed my side and turned us to a new street. "That's what makes it fun showering you with them."

We walked side by side, enjoying how the darkness offered us a chance to be together, and I thanked the heavens for making Londoners oblivious to their surroundings.

I was so caught up with being able to have time with Edward outside a house or hotel that it took me a minute to realise we'd arrived at Trafalgar Square.

In the centre of the square Nelson's Column loomed before us, as did the four bronze lions at the base protecting the national hero. The two fountains on either side were large and elegant in their simplicity—the colourful lighting reflecting off the flowing water making them appear more modern and giving the surroundings an air of joviality. The view around the square was stunning; historic buildings on all sides, and to the south of the square there was a beautiful view of a long street—Big Ben was at the end of it, its clock face glowing and iconic.

Because of my hurry to get out of the hotel it had slipped my mind to bring a camera with me. But I longed to have this moment for eternity, to be able to experience this again and again, to have the images my eyes captured to be ingrained in my brain with clarity. Thankfully, Edward remembered his phone in his pocket and excitedly waved Jasper over so we could take pictures. We spent an hour taking photos in front of everything that could be linked back to Trafalgar Square. Edward grumbled when I coerced him with kisses to make silly faces for the camera. He gave in, but only when we were nearly alone in the square.

Jasper and Emmett joined us in many of the photos but then warned us that the gallery was going to close soon. We crossed the road and ascended the large staircase that led to the gallery. The entry was free but Edward dropped a fifty pound note in one of the collection boxes near the entry doors, which earned him many kisses.

The gallery, very much like Trafalgar square, was empty apart for a few overly enthusiastic tourists. I was in awe, and that was just at the entry. As we moved from room to room, each more exquisite than the last, we held hands and talked in whispers appropriate for such a sanctuary. I lost myself in the priceless paintings hanging on the richly wallpapered walls. I read all the plaques beside the masterpieces, sat down on the leather benches and admired the beauty all around me. Edward would sometimes leave my side and take a closer look at the paintings, equally as captured by it all as I was.

Time flew by, and as Big Ben signalled midnight a uniformed man with a maroon jacket came towards where Edward and I were standing. He was quickly intercepted by Emmett and another one of the bodyguards. I could see they had startled him, he obviously didn't know he was in the presence of one of the world's most famous people. Edward ducked his head quickly, avoiding the man's inquisitive stare. Emmett brought the attention back to himself with a click of his fingers and after seeing what the situation was, left the man standing there wondering what happened.

"Short dude over there wants us gone. Apparently the gallery is closing now," Emmett explained.

We nodded and exited the gallery as soon as we could work out the way to the exit.

Jasper, Emmett and the beefy bodyguards descended the staircases in front of the gallery, but Edward and I stayed up there, still watching the city.

Edward's arms were around my waist and my back leaned comfortably against his chest. We stood there watching the snow fall in front of us, feeling the cold wind on our faces. But that wasn't all I felt as I covered Edward's gloved hands with mine. For the first time in my life I felt a surge of love so strong that my eyes watered with joyful tears. The feelings coming from Edward as he held me tighter and placed a kiss to my cold cheek were tangible, and all I wanted to do was hold them close to me. But even more, I wanted to give everything I was feeling to Edward, to show him the secrets of my mind. I wanted to tell him what I had hidden even from myself.

I turned around in his arms and rose on my tip toes so my mouth was brushing his ear. He hugged me closer and I just gave myself over to the moment, knowing I would never regret it.

"Edward..."

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

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**Wow that was long. **

**Can we pretend The National Gallery closes at 12 pm rather than 6 pm and that the Savoy Hotel isn't closed for refurbishment? Kl, thanks.**

**I'm sorry I haven't replied to some reviews. I will. Promise.  
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**Everything mentioned should be pretty accurate as Trafalgar Square is my favourite place in London. Well, maybe it's a second favourite after Convent Garden.  
**

**Outfits in my profile.**

**Thanks for reading. Reviews would be lovely.**


	18. Silver Silk and Red Leather

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

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_I turned around in his arms and rose on my tip toes so my mouth was brushing his ear. He hugged me closer and I just gave myself over to the moment, knowing I would never regret it._

_"Edward..."_

_"Mmm?"_

_"I love you."_

Edward's arms around my waist loosened. I pulled back from his weak embrace to see his face, to gauge his reaction. There was none. He stood there, face blank, eyes wide and unblinking. He wasn't looking at me but rather through me. It was as if I wasn't even there.

The wind was picking up around us; the snow was now joined by a steady sprinkle of rain. The elements were wrecking havoc with Edward's hair and some strands stuck to his forehead, hanging over his eyes. He made no movement to brush them aside, seemingly frozen by my words.

I hadn't expected for him to return the sentiment, at least not yet. I could understand why he didn't; after all we had only been dating for a few weeks, not even a month. But I didn't anticipate his... non-reaction. It was as if Edward had left the building.

I took a step back, breaking all contact between us. I tried not to feel the rejection that was surging through me. I needed to give him time, space. I needed... to not let this hurt me. I- I expected this, I told myself. But really, I didn't. I may not have thought he would say the words back, but I thought he would welcome mine.

"Edward?" I whispered, hoping my quiet plea would bring him back from wherever he went inside his mind.

I crossed my arms and looked away from his glazed over eyes and instead focused on my feet, waiting. When minutes passed and nothing had been said and Edward hadn't moved, I made eye contact with him once again. His expression was the same as before; his face untouched by any emotion except for his eyes. His wide _shocked _eyes.

Edward was in shock... because I told him I loved him? Yes, it sounded ridiculous when I put the words together in my mind. I tried again to re-phrase them but it always came back to the same thing. It didn't make sense.

I didn't have time to come up with an answer to the puzzle Edward threw my way; Emmett started shouting for us to get a move on as the weather was progressively becoming more unpredictable with the rain falling harder, the snow coming down faster and the wind whirling around us even more violently. It was obvious Edward would not move from his spot in front of the National Gallery entrance without a little shove or push. The man had been turned into a statue with only three words, and words which he had to utter so many times in his films. I wondered, as I tugged on Edward's hand and pulled him down the stairs to where the others were, if the words had always made him coil back into himself and become deaf and mute to the world.

As we ran across to Trafalgar Square and down the streets to the hotel, Edward's hand squeezed mine ever so slightly. The movement would have been imperceptible if I'd not been waiting for a response, no matter how small. My head instantly snapped up and my eyes locked onto the side of his face, but he was looking straight ahead and my intense gaze seemed to pass him by unnoticed.

When we reached the _Savoy_, I disentangled my hand from his and took several steps away from Edward, leaving the appropriate amount of space between us—the streets may have been deserted but the hotel lobby certainly wasn't. Emmett and Jasper noticed Edward's distant stare and rigid posture but kept their opinions and questions to themselves, retreating to their respective suites with mumbled good nights.

Edward opened his door and went inside. I followed silently behind him and shut the door with a soft kick, leaving a wet shoeprint on the white door, no doubt. And then we were alone inside his warm but unlit room, neither of us making a move to turn on the bright lights. I began to remove my soaked clothes— first my gloves and then my scarf and coat. I sat down on the bed and removed my boots. Edward remained in his statue-like state in the middle of the bedroom as I walked barefooted to the bathroom to change into my flannel pyjamas.

There was too much unfilled, unspoken air around me. It was beginning to make me feel extremely uncomfortable. I could understand a momentary shock as soon as the words had left my mouth, but I couldn't understand the way Edward was behaving now. I didn't regret saying 'I love you' to him and I very much doubted I ever would, the only thing that concerned me was how he appeared to be waging battles with himself. His mind, pulling him in different directions, asked question after question but left him with no answers. I could tell it left Edward confused, unsure of which path to take. I hoped he would choose the one I was on.

I spread my clothes near the bathroom sink to dry and returned to the bedroom. I was too distracted by the worrying thoughts three simple words had inflicted upon me to stop a sudden collision.

Edward caught me as I stumbled backwards. I looked up, he looked down. His eyes searching mine for some clue to solve it all. He must have found it, because moments later his lips were passionately on mine. The little nips of his teeth and the plunges of his tongue were urgent and frantic—the reaction I hoped for back at the gallery. His arms brought me closer to him, and I was so lost in his kiss that I didn't think or care about his wet clothes. My hands found their way to his dishevelled hair and fisted tightly, pulling his face closer to mine to deepen the kiss that was so... Edward.

We began to move slowly backwards, never breaking contact, until the back of Edward's knees hit the king-size bed and we fell on it, completely intertwined and hungry for each other. His cold and shaky hands sent delightful shocks through me as he caressed the warm skin on my back. Edward's lips were equally as cold as his hands, but I was doing my best to warm them up, showering him with small kisses and then open mouthed ones—some with tenderness, others with lust.

I pulled back slightly to tug Edward's coat off him and then his shirt. His eyes never left mine as I removed his clothes with fumbling fingers. The quiet sadness in his gaze worried and confused me. My touches told him I wasn't mad or upset over his reaction. Not now. Sure, I had been disappointed and sad at first, but this was just how his mind worked. When I really thought about it, I understood his retreat into coldness, and I had to accept that side of him. If I loved him, I loved the good with the bad and the marginally crazy.

My hands traced Edward's bare chest slowly, making nonsensical patterns. Our room, lit only by the yellowish glow from an outside lamp, was eerily still even with our frenzied movements and panting breaths. I looked down at my fingers as they traced a circle around his tiny nipple and felt Edward shudder beneath me. It wasn't long, however, until my hands were pinned above my head as Edward rolled me under him. And then it was his turn to remove my pyjama top and bottoms.

There was a small moment of awkwardness as I belatedly realised I wasn't wearing a bra, but it evaporated as Edward's lips forged a path down my neck to my breasts, his tongue gentle and enticing as it began to drive me crazy with passion.

Soon I was whimpering for his mouth to return to mine, and it slowly did. All the while his hands traced all of my curves; heating my skin and making me writhe under him. I was mindless from his attentions on my body. His long fingers walked across my bare stomach and caressed the underside of my breasts, unhurriedly memorising their shape.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck, stroking his nape and his still damp hair. My caresses, I hoped, showed all the tenderness I felt for him. All of it. I told him with every pass of my hands on his silky soft hair how much I love him.

As his lips continued to tug and caress mine, I brought my legs up to embrace his hips, bringing our semi-naked bodies closer together. But, somehow, an action that should have spurred grinding hips and wondering hands didn't. Instead the contact of our bare chests slowed our movements and made them gentle, whisper soft. Edward rested his forehead on mine and brought his finger to brush my lower lip. All his minute actions were nothing compared to the way his emerald eyes, onyx in the dark, refused to leave mine. He dropped one last kiss to my lips before his head came to rest on my chest. At that moment Edward wasn't the famous actor or the man with the world at his feet; at that moment Edward was a boy tangled in a web of emotion, seeing no solution and clinging to me for all that he was worth.

My ministrations on his hair continued as I waited for him to unravel his thoughts. We stayed there, wrapped around each other, until the storm of his feelings passed and he was calm once again.

A quiet, whispered, "Bella?", finally broke the silence.

"Mmm," I hummed hesitantly.

"I-I'm so... I'm so sorry." His stumbled words were filled with sadness. So much sadness.

I pulled his face up to mine and peppered kisses over his lips, his damp cheeks and the delicate skin of his eyelids.

"I know," I said between kisses. "It's okay, Sweetie."

Edward's head moved between my hands as he shook his head.

"It's not...I'm such—" His eyes closed tightly and an explosive breath came from deep inside him. "I'm such a fucking dick."

To hear Edward use such strong expletives showed how deeply this whole situation had affected him. It hurt me so much to know it was hurting him more.

"Sweetheart, I understand. I completely understand," I murmured against his lips. "I shouldn't have said it the way I did. Just, just talk to me when you get lost up there," I tapped my fingers lightly against his temple.

He breathed a simple, "Okay", before rolling off me and simultaneously scooping me up so my cheek was resting on his firm chest.

Intertwining our fingers together I stared at his handsome face, now clear of darker emotions. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, because even though it was past one o'clock in the morning, something told me to not let this go. We needed to communicate, and this was as a good place as any to start.

"Do you want to?" Edward's eyes closed but he didn't seem unwilling to carry on the conversation.

"Yes. I think we should." I bit my lip slowly. "What happened back there?"

He sighed and started to play with my fingers. "I don't know. It was a surprise. No one ever told me they loved me and meant it, so it could be that," he explained. "But I think..." He stopped and I heard him swallow. "I think you know that my childhood wasn't ideal. After my Aunt Esme moved to Scotland I never had anyone who was really close to me, until Em and Jazz that is. But—" Edward stopped again, this time disentangling our hands so he could mess with his hair. The action screamed discomfort and nervousness, both feelings I never wanted Edward to suffer with me.

"It's okay," I said once again. "You don't have to tell me what happened in your past." He really didn't. I'd made the decision long ago— the night of Jasper's engagement dinner—that I would never push for details of his life he didn't want to share. Even though, I was bursting with curiosity about his Aunt Esme; the woman who he'd mention less than a handful of times and yet seemed to hold in high regard.

He kissed the top of my head and re-linked our fingers. "What I think I'm trying to get at is... I was just... stuck. When you told me you loved me I couldn't get past the words and see what they meant." He chuckled quietly, bouncing me on his chest. "God, that sounds ridiculous. I was astounded and amazed and my brain froze and I couldn't believe you said what you did, and I'm stupid for acting so...stupidly."

Edward scooted down so he was face to face with me, cradling my cheek. "I'm so sorry, angel. Things caught me off guard and I don't know how to deal with emotional situations." His mouth curled into something that resembled a smile. "Maybe if I had a heads up or, I don't know, a memo about it, I would have acted like a decent person and not a dickhead. I really am sorry."

I kissed his palm, mumbling words on his soft skin. "You don't need to apologise anymore. Let's forget it and move on. As long as I can keep telling you how much I love you, then I don't mind."

I smiled as he sucked in a breath when I said the words again. I wondered how long it was going to take him to get used to them, but I would repeat them for as long as he wanted me to.

We stayed hugging each other close for about another half an hour; tender kisses being traded and slow, caressing fingers exploring exposed backs. It hadn't escaped my notice that he hadn't said he loved me, but in time, I was sure, the words and sentiments would come.

The hands on the clock ticked away but neither of us closed our eyes to sleep. We decided to stay awake and order room service.

There was a knock on the door exactly twenty minutes later and I huffed on my way to the bathroom, hopping from leg to leg as I put my pyjamas back on, to _hide_ until our food was delivered. When I heard plates being put down on the wooden table and then a door being closed, I left the bathroom and had an early morning dinner with Edward. We talked about the paintings in the Gallery, which ones we liked, which ones were a bit of a disappointment. He laughed when I disagreed on something; I poke him with my fork to show it was not okay to laugh at me. Our light-hearted conversation purged all of the tension between us. It was at times like these I loved being in this relationship; things were easy, we were ourselves, and there was a connection between us that wasn't easy to explain but that was there nonetheless.

After our dinner came to an end, Edward went to fiddle with the iPod and the room's entertainment system. I crawled back into bed and got under the covers. I watched Edward's naked back as he scrolled through playlists and soon enough Jason Wade's voice was floating around the room.

A smile tugged at my lips as Edward joined me in bed, spooned me, and began to mumble lyrics in my ear, dropping kisses to my neck and shoulder.

Being in bed with the man I loved, being in his arms and listening to one of my favourite bands was, so far, the highlight of this trip. London was wonderful, but it had nothing on Edward.

XXX

"Right, get up there. They only have an hour to grill you. It won't be as bad as you think, but I won't be able to interrupt. So, yeah, you're on your own," Jasper said slapping Edward on the back and pushing him forward to the small stage in front of the rows of journalists.

This morning, unlike the afternoon, could only be described as idyllic. We stayed in bed for hours after waking up making out like overeager teenagers, talking and singing along with the music in the background. Edward had tugged me up and jokingly spun me around the room in a waltz, which resulted in his toes getting bruised and me being carried off to bed again over his shoulder. I was punished with a tear inducing tickle marathon.

Our bubble of carefree happiness had come to an end at eleven when Jasper knocked on the door and demanded Edward to be ready and in the conference room of the hotel at twelve. We grudgingly kicked back the covers and got dressed for the day.

Now it was one o'clock, the room was filled with reporters tapping away on notebooks and scribbling down notes.

I left the backstage area and entered the main room to watch the conference, taking a seat far away from the stage, the last seat in the back, the one next to the one reporter more interested in his meatball Subway than on the super star taking a seat on stage.

Edward ran his hands through hair and sat down shyly on the one chair in the middle, behind a table with a microphone. Jasper, walking behind him, instructed them to begin the questions but reminded them of the rules. I could tell he didn't think they would stick to the guidelines; I had no doubt they would break them the first chance they got.

At first things were good, fine. Yeah... that lasted less than fifteen minutes and then I had to watch Edward squirm for approximately three quarters of an hour, with the questions progressively becoming more and more personal.

"_You recently did an interview with Vanity Fair magazine. The interviewer seemed convinced that you are in a relationship. Is it true?"_

"_Who is this _she _you mentioned repeatedly? Are you in love?"_

"_Is '_she'_ Alyssa Maymore?"_

"_If you are not in a relationship with anyone, are you single or dating around?"_

"_Who was the woman you were photographed with?"_

"_Is _she_ the same person mentioned in the Vanity Fair magazine?"_

Edward stumbled through his answers and tried his best to divert questions back to the film. The reporters, however, had other ideas and were fixated on his relationship status. At one point a woman at the very front asked if his girlfriend—for it had been decided, without question, that Edward was in a relationship – was someone who he had known for a long time, perhaps someone who worked for him. My face burst into colour and I slumped down on my chair, trying to hide. It was that final question that made Edward's voice harden as he stated very clearly that he was _not _answering any questions that did not concern the film, and that was it. They either stuck to the rules or the conference was over.

There was a quiet apology from the female reporter and mumbled acceptance of the conditions by all the others in the room.

A few minutes later, the hour was up. Edward thanked the press for coming, no smile or jokes were exchanged. He left without looking back. Edward's displeasure was made loud and clear. And the message silently heard among the journalist was that he was not the awkward man who felt uncomfortable in the media, but rather the man who was highly successful and powerful, someone who would not be disrespected or played with for the sake of selling a few weekly glossies.

"He certainly is an interesting one that Edward Cullen."

I turned to find the Subway man packing up his extremely small notepad and putting away the remainder of his sandwich in his man bag.

"He is going to get slaughtered tomorrow. No doubt his management team are going to kill him for pulling a stunt like that," he said with a chuckle, his double chin wobbling.

I wasn't going to respond, but I took exception to the chuckle.

"I don't see why he should be slaughtered in the press. His personal life is his; it's no one's business." My voice came out sharper than I had intended, earning me a raised eyebrow and another chuckle for good measure.

"You're not one of them, I see." He put down his bag and turned to look at me, the small movement causing him to pant faintly. "Let me explain something to you, little miss."—I ignored the condescending way he was speaking to me, because, and only because, I was quiet interested in what he had to explain— "When you get into this industry 'private' no longer exists. Your entire life becomes public domain, or at least it does if you want to be successful. Cullen just bit the hand that feeds him. There is no way any the media are going to let him get away with it, oh no, they ask and sooner or later, by any means, they receive."

I crossed my arms in a childish gesture. The man wasn't telling me something I didn't already know. "You all sound cutthroat and ruthless to me. And I mean that as an insult."

"Oh, of course you do," he replied with a smile. "But mark my words, little miss. I've been in this business for nearly three decades and situations like that"—he waved a chubby hand in the general direction of the stage—"always end the same way. Cullen will, A, keep this girl under wraps for as long as he dates her, leading to crazy photographers stalking their every move. Or, B, Cullen will let the cat out the bag, leading to crazy photographers stalking their every move."

I nodded and kept silent. It would appear there was no difference between the choices, yet I was living the difference. I was under wraps, and it was suffocating me.

After a lot of moving about he got up and I helped him with his bag. He said it was a pleasure to meet me, gave me his card, and shook my hand.

_Eleazar Delani_ was written at the top of the small white rectangle.

I tucked the card away in my hand bag, forgetting its existence as soon as I stepped into the elevator, and made my way up the suite. Eleazar's words, however, stayed with me.

What was the point? Why did Edward insist on playing a game with a fixed result? Sooner or later we would have to become public and there was no way around it. All of this mess seemed so...pointless.

The elevator doors opened and I quickly walked to Edward's room. From the outside I could hear the faint sound of shouts coming from inside. The picture that emerged as I opened the door was one which had increasingly become more familiar: Edward pacing from wall to wall, Emmett on a chair with his head buried in his hands, and Jasper sitting on the sofa arguing with whatever Edward was saying.

Silently, I grabbed Edward's hand and led him to the bed; he resisted my actions but relented in the end. Emmett quickly left, as did Jasper with a quiet thank you.

"Bella..." Edward whispered into my neck, his lips moving over my skin.

He was distressed; irritated with the world he was part of. Every time he took a step in front of the media he was torn down, made to feel an inch small. Unfortunately we were all aware that this was one of the main aspects of his career—there was nothing to be done.

"Everything is fine," I told him consolingly, not believing my own lie.

I interpret the small movement of his head as a nod and carefully pushed Edward to lie on the bed, cradling him with my arms and playing with his bronze hair until he fell asleep.

XXX

Edward was quiet for the remainder of the afternoon, sitting beside me reading his horror story. I stayed with him for as long as I could. Eventually, I had to start getting dressed, a task I was dreading.

The makeup was already splayed out on the bathroom counter, my black shoes sat on top of the ottoman, the dress hanging in its cover was behind the door.

I squared my shoulders back and prepared to enter the war zone.

This was not going to be pretty.

Two hours later my hair was up in a sleek chignon, small earrings adorned my ears—they matched Edward's eyes. Cheesy, I know.—and I had stepped into an asymmetrical silver dress. The material was cool on my skin, the knee length style making me look respectable but still feminine and young. The shoes were killer and they were killing my feet.

"Bella, can you hurry up? I'm ready, Emmett is ready. For heaven's sake, even Edward has his big boy pants on."

Ignoring Jaspers silly comments, I applied my clear lip gloss before opening the bathroom door.

"I'm a woman. We have more stuff to put on our faces. I bet you didn't have to spend anytime wondering if your foundation made you look orange, did you?" I asked, putting the essential re-touch makeup in my small clutch.

"No," he answered with a laugh. "But I did have to deal with Edward and his relentless arguments with his stylist. Does that even things out?"

"Considering you aren't wearing five inch heels, no, it doesn't."

Edward was scowling, much like usual, from his place in front of the window. The sour expression on his face, however, was for Jasper. For me he had a silly smile and a pervy wiggle of his eyebrows. I couldn't think of a better compliment.

"If you can walk without breaking an ankle and ending up in hospital, we'll be waiting for you downstairs in the car." Jasper gave Edward and me a stern look. "No more than five minutes, you got me?"

Jasper left with a grumble to wake up Emmett who had fallen asleep waiting for me to exit my make-shift salon.

When we were alone, Edward sauntered over, looking all sexy in grey slacks and a simple white button down shirt.

His hands instantly found my waist and his thumbs circled the shiny material on my sides. "You look amazing in silk," he told me with a kiss to my mouth.

"It's satin Charmouse," I said with lips glued to his.

"I don't know what that means, but it sounds sexy."

I laughed and took his hand. "Let's go before Jasper, rather than my heels, sends me to hospital."

XXX

The drive to the premiere location in Leicester Square took twenty minutes, double the time it should have, I'm told. I'm next to Edward in the car but then again so is Jasper who is prepping him on all the main points for the evening. I'm excited to see Edward on the big screen, less excited about having him face the screaming fans and flashing cameras.

"Edward," Emmett said from the passenger seat. "Please keep in mind to remain a safe distance from the crazies. I have no desire to dive into a sea of horny teenagers to rescue you. Last time one bit me."

"That's not going to be a problem, Em. I'll keep far, far away."

I look at Edward to see if he is taking this in stride or if he is as freaked out as I am.

"I'm good, Bella. I think I am, at least. Is my breathing normal?"

I smiled. "Yes, it's not as erratic as mine."

"You're fine," Jasper mumbled looking through a pile of papers. "Edward is fine. Emmett is fine, aren't you big guy?"

"I'm pumped." He punched a fist in the air and went back to driving.

"See? And if you aren't fine, just smile and then you can cry or do whatever girls do when we get back to the hotel."

Jasper was not helping matter. Not at all.

I gave him a good glare and then the piercing screams reached my ears. Oh sweet Jesus...The wall of sound was the loudest thing I had ever heard and, as the car came to a crawling halt, it only got louder and more hysterical.

"Okay. It's show time," Emmett announced as he exited his seat and came around to Edward's door.

Edward let go of my hand with a tentative kiss to my lips and rubbed his hands down his thighs.

The door opened and the fans went insane. Seriously, it was as if they had never seen a man in a suit.

The blinding flashes of cameras started as soon as Edward's foot came down on the red carpet. I beat down the urge to use my clutch as a way to shield my eyes.

The three of us stuck to Edward like glue down the media line. I tried to not pay attention when women reporters tried to flirt with my boyfriend, tried not to growl when they insinuated that he would be better off single. I wanted to scratch their eyes out, and I'm not a violent person, they just had sent me to that level of fury.

I guess my expression had showed what I was feeling, because, not four reporters in, Jasper told me to cool down.

I put my head down and handed Edward a bottle of water when he needed it. No one questioned me being there; the pass around my neck and how I interacted with the guys made sure there was no question over the fact that I was just an employee.

At the end of the line, when the reporters gave way to just photographers, I was yelled at to get the heck away from their shots.

I was fine with that. I never did like having my photo taken.

After the hungry media had every last morsel of Edward, we took our seat to watch the film. Jasper was adamant that we stick around; he argued that if he was going to be helping promote the damn movie then he sure as hell was watching the stupid thing. I agreed full heartedly. Of course, Edward grumbled all of the way to the reserved seats in the back row and not once did he look up at the screen.

I, on the other hand, was totally captivated as Edward played Edison Collin, betrayed First World War soldier. It was such a touching story. It was dark, passionate, with desolate characters and a tragic, but realistic, ending.

Tears were inevitable.

"Oh, man. You're still a shitty actor," Emmett said after some of the people in front of us vacated their seats. "but that was beautiful."

"I thought it was average," Jasper disagreed.

I kicked his shin. "No, it was wonderful." I ran my fingers of the back of Edward's hand, wishing I could praise him with a kiss. "I thought you were amazing."

Edward ducked his head, completely embarrassed after having to hear himself on screen for nearly two hours. "Uh, thanks. Can we go now?"

We put Edward out of his misery and went directly to the after party which was going to be held not far from Leicester Square.

The venue was large, and the white and blue decor made it feel as if we were inside an igloo.

Immediately Edward was whisked away to talk to the film's producers who had also attended. Emmett casually stuck to my side, sipping on an orange and red cocktail, commenting on the skimpy outfits worn by the barely clothed waitresses.

Floyd joined our conversation soon after with a woman draped on his arm. By her bleach blonde hair I was guessing this was not his wife or his mistress. I could see that Em was dying to make some sort of joke.

I paid little attention to what was said around me, my focus on Edward and Jazz as they sauntered from group to group in the room. Most of the eyes in the room were glued on his every action and people's attentions were only distracted by a flurry of commotion.

"I didn't think she would show up," I heard Floyd say next to me.

The woman who walked in was what most women wanted to be: sculpted curves, perfect hair and cleavage, long legs and regal posture. She was wearing a provocative red leather mini dress and dripping with diamonds.

"How the heck was Alyssa Maymore invited?" Emmett asked, nearly shrieking.

"Publicity, of course."

She didn't look about her, her eyes on the prize. Edward.

Maymore glided to the circle of people Edward was standing talking to. They stopped their chatter, looked at the classless bimbo waiting for them to disperse, and quickly retreated like obedient little minions.

I watched as she leaned in and kissed my boyfriend on the cheek – or rather, very close to the corner of his mouth— and pressed her body to his, her boobs nearly falling out of her indecent dress. No doubt that was her intent all along.

Maymore stood shamelessly flirting, touching her inflated chest every chance she had. It was as if she knew I was watching and relished every opportunity to torment me.

"If Jazz doesn't kill over from the glares Edward is throwing his way it will be a miracle," Em chuckled and came closer, his hand squeezing my upper arm in what I interpreted as a supportive gesture.

"He looks like he is having the time of his life to me," Beach Barbie said.

And I had to agree with her. He was laughing – which he rarely did—and seemed to fit right in with the group that had surrounded him.

"Floyd, baby, we should go and introduce ourselves." Her candy voice gave me the urge to shove her out of a window.

"Of course my little doll, let's go."

Her hips swayed exaggeratedly as they crossed the room. It was disturbing to watch.

"Her perfume was making me want to lose my dinner."

I didn't reply to what Emmett said. Maymore had slipped her arm around Edward's and he made no move to step away from her touch.

"Don't worry about it, Buttons. It means nothing. All Edward is doing is networking, nothing more."

His reassurance didn't reassure me that much.

I nodded and smiled at him. It was the fakest smile I had ever conjured up. "I think I'm gonna go back to the hotel, this music is giving me a headache."

"Are you sure?" Em looked at me, then at Edward, then at me again. "Stay a little longer. It's only midnight. We'll be done in another hour or two."

I waved my hand at him and checked my clutch to make sure I had enough money for a cab. "No, I really need to lie down. I'll see you tomorrow."

I left before he could say anything else.

Rain was falling as I stepped out of the club and the ice cold droplets felt good against my skin. It felt like I was washing away the images of Maymore's hands on Edward.

It was harder to find a cab than I thought it would be and, in the end, I decided not to bother and walked to the hotel, ignoring the pain from my heels and the shivers racking through my body because of the low temperature and pelting rain.

I received weird looks as I passed the lobby and entered the elevator. It wasn't surprising. I had racoon eyes and limp noodle hair; the satin stuck to my body and made me look like a cheap prostitute going up to a room to do business. But I didn't care about my appearance right now. I didn't care about anything other than getting into bed and letting sleep erase my mind.

Even as I lay warm and comfortable in a cocoon of luxurious covers, I wasn't engulfed by pleasant dreams and neither did my mind fall into oblivion. I tossed and turned, I flipped over more than a hundred times, and I even tried sleeping on the opposite end of the bed.

I gave up.

I threw the windows open and allowed the frigid air to enter the room, the curtains billowing past me. I pulled the duvet up, wrapping it around myself and stared into the night. The Thames was peaceful, the sounds of London much like that of any other big city.

I tried to concentrate on the small details I could make out in the dark, but it was impossible. As usual my thoughts were centred on one person.

There was much I understood: I knew Edward had a high profile job and that he preferred to keep his private life hidden. I understood his desire to keep me a secret. I understood that he thought he was doing what was best for me. I also understood his need to socialise with skanky whores for business reasons.

Still, I did _not _understand how he was always so against physical contact between us in public, even innocent handholding, while with Maymore he did nothing to prevent her pressing her nasty tatas to his chest. I did _not _understand how he could dismiss me so easily, how he could forget my existence once his attention was diverted by his job. I did _not _understand why he left me behind, why he didn't follow me if I left a room visibly shaken.

Maybe... Maybe I did too much understanding and not enough asking. I accepted all that he said, all that he did, and smiled, even though inside I felt like I was slowly crumbling down. I said nothing every time he made a stupid decision that hurt me. I was to blame for how things were between us, only me and my doormat tendencies.

The door knob turned and I was pulled away from my thoughts.

Edward walked in, squinting around the dark room, not even noticing that there was someone by the window shivering with tears rolling down their cheeks.

He passed to go into the bathroom, the smell of a sickly sweet perfume trailing behind him.

It was time for me to understand less and demand more.

* * *

**Long time no see. I have to make one hundred and one apologises for the _extreme _lateness of this chapter (Especially for the lovely reader I promised I would update back in May). If you've been to my profile you know I've been plagued by writer's block. I didn't think it was an actually thing until it happened. Guess you learn something new everyday.**

**But, really, I have to say thanks to everyone who was so patient with me while I wrote this chapter, and to those who took the time to send me lovely reviews, PMs, and emails asking about the story. **

**I can totally understand if many have flounced (I know I would if an author took this darn long to update), but if you're sticking with Mr. C then I thank you even more. **

**I've already started on ch 19 and I'm crossing my fingers- and toes- that I can upload that chapter within a reasonable amount of time. **

**Outfits for this chapter are in my profile.  
**

**~Seffy.  
**


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